


First

by meloncitrus (grandmelon)



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Characters on the ace spectrum, Comfort/Angst, Crushes, Emotional Growth, Emotional Sex, Eventual Sex, First Time, First Time Bottoming, First Time Topping, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Growing Up Together, Insecurity, Internalized Acephobia, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Misogyny, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Married Couple, Self-Acceptance, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Switching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2018-07-19 21:17:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 66,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7377742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grandmelon/pseuds/meloncitrus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It doesn't matter to Sousuke what emotional hangups Rin has, he still loves him. They still bother Rin, but he tries to find the courage to get past them, because he still loves Sousuke. </p><p>A fic about emotional healing and sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well this is going to be an ongoing fic as I try to write my first real sin. I've been waiting a long time to write this so hopefully posting it as I write it will help motivate me to finish it. I hope you all like it and I promise everything will work out! There's just a few things that have to be worked out first. 
> 
> I might not have done the best job editing since it's been hard to write so please let me know if anything glaring needs to be changed. Thank you for reading and I hope everyone likes it! Sorry in advance for the angst to come, will try to post every week!

He wasn’t sure what set it off, like an alarm ringing in his ears and pumping adrenaline into his blood. That afternoon had been like any other. The sun lighting up the hardwood floor, their room hot but not stagnant as air flowed in from outside. They had been sitting on his bed, sharing a local newspaper with words of their final race of the season written in great detail. Their arms had brushed together and Rin felt a shiver run up his spine, Sousuke’s skin pulsating with heat but dry and soft, unlike Rin’s clammy hands.

 

He remembered how impossibly close they were, shoulders touching, heads in each other’s space, laughing at the small text in front of them. He wasn’t sure what set it off, but when he turned to look at Sousuke and saw his soft smile he felt his heart trying to break free from his ribcage. His breath stopped and Sousuke must have heard, he was sure of it, because then he looked at him and they were so close their noses could have touched. Rin felt the tickle of his own hair on his cheek as he stared into Sousuke’s eyes, deep and gorgeous, unwaveringly gazing back.

 

Rin’s cheeks flushed at the memory alone, feeling his heart pick up as he stared at the bottom of Sousuke’s bunk. If it hadn’t been for Momo barging in with an announcement of his lost Pyunsuke he wasn’t sure if he could have stopped himself from leaning in closer. Couldn’t have stopped himself from kissing Sousuke if he tried.

 

It’s not as though he wasn’t aware of his feelings towards other boys, or even that he might have had a slight attraction to his best friend after seeing him again. It was just at the force, the suddenness of realizing he wasn’t just attracted to his best friend, but in love. He was in love with him and he probably had been for a while, he had just been brushing off the feelings as momentary attraction. Something simply caused by the close proximity of his, admittedly, very good-looking friend.

 

But Sousuke was so much more than an attractive and charming boy, he was also unbelievably sweet, and sincere. Rin smiled at memories of his friend and how all of the underclassmen idolized him. How their misunderstandings of Sousuke were quickly melted away by the warmth of his personality. He might not have been the funniest, or the kindest, or the smartest, but he was nearly there on all aspects. His face at rest and his height the only cause for confusion.

 

Sousuke was an amazing guy, and everyone knew it.

 

“You okay down there?”

 

Rin jumped in his skin, turning to see Sousuke had returned from the vending machine, two colas in hand. He handed Rin the soda, opting out of throwing it as to not aggravate the carbonated drink. As much as they loved to prank each other with shaken cans, a wet bed was not ideal for anyone.

 

“Yeah, what took you so long?” Rin grunted, sitting up and opening the can, taking a swig. Sousuke looked as though he wanted to laugh before taking a sip of his own.

 

“What are you talking about? I was probably faster than usual since it didn’t eat my money this time,” Sousuke said, handing Rin back some money.

 

“Really?” Rin asked, staring at the extra money he always handed Sousuke in case the was malfunctioning again. The dorm’s vending machine was notorious for taking money and giving nothing in return. They normally didn’t bother but the atmosphere from earlier that day hadn’t left Rin and he felt entirely too conscious of Sousuke after realizing his feelings.

 

“Really. Now please, your assistance?” Sousuke pleaded, sitting down at his desk and running a hand through his hair. Rin rolled his eyes and pulled his chair over.

 

“Alright, English really isn’t as hard as you’re making it out to be.”

 

“That’s easy for you to say.”

 

~~~xx~~~

 

If Rin thought it was hard to breathe around Sousuke before he was surely mistaken, as that week had become the most difficult he had ever had. Maybe it was the magic of being aware that made everything so much more enticing than normal, that made a simple brush of arms send shivers up his spine. How whispering to each other somehow felt so much more intimate than before, sending a wave of tingles to his nose and cheeks, his ears hot and sensitive to the voice talking to him. It was like everything about Sousuke had been amplified and Rin could feel himself breaking under the pressure.

 

He caught himself a few times, letting his hands linger too long on Sousuke’s shoulder, leaning in too close, making sure his legs spread far enough to touch Sousuke’s. He was sure Sousuke noticed to, his eyes would open a fraction wider, but he always would turn his head and let it happen. It made Rin’s heart skip a beat, how Sousuke seemed to notice the change in Rin but was pretending like he didn’t.

 

The little hope that blossomed from Sousuke’s stuttered whispers and bashful glances birthed something much darker in him. A sinking despair started to settle with his butterflies, like the promise of a destructive storm. With the possibility of something more between them also came a deep seeded fear in his heart. The thought of what came after a kiss colored his clear skies with dark black clouds and his heart trembled at night thinking about their relationship failing.

 

Would it not be better to just remain as they are, than to risk it all for nothing but a disappointing end?

 

“You’re doing it again.”

 

“Doing what again?” Rin hummed, turning from the blur of text to Sousuke sitting at his own desk. They were supposed to be studying for a test but Rin couldn’t help but to worry about more pressing things.

 

“Thinking about something dramatic,” Sousuke laughed, pointing his pen at Rin. “You always get this sad pouty look and sigh a lot when you do. Is math really that depressing?”

 

“Aren’t you supposed to be paying attention to your own work?” Rin grumbled, hiding behind his hand as he leaned against his desk, staring down at the paragraph he had been trying to read for the eighth time.

 

“Is something wrong?”

 

“No,” Rin answered, flipping a page and giving up on what he was reading just to prove his point. Maybe it became obvious to Sousuke because he wasn’t progressing in the text as fast as he should be. Sousuke didn’t protest, and he heard pen hit paper again.

 

Rin bit at the tip of his pencil, a bad habit he couldn’t quite quit. His stomach churned as he thought about Sousuke’s imminent disappointment in him. How their relationship would fail just because Rin couldn’t, wouldn’t, be able to move forward with Sousuke in “that” way. It made him sick just thinking about his own cowardice and lack of resolve, despite caring for Sousuke the way he did.

 

“Hey, maybe we should take a break,” Sousuke said, breaking Rin from his train of thought. He looked up at Sousuke, a frown on his lips as he saw the other turned towards him, books already closed. He smiled at Rin and Rin felt a second of elation before it was covered up by that gnawing fear. “Let’s go for a run, we’ve been sitting all day.”

 

“Maybe you’re right,” Rin reasoned, thinking about it. “We haven’t don’t anything since practice was canceled, and I didn’t get to go for a run this morning either.”

 

“Yeah, never known you to sleep in. Are you sure nothing’s wrong?” Sousuke hummed, already getting his shoes. Rin closed his book and stood up, stretching out and popping his neck.

 

“Yeah, it’s nothing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A double update since it's the first posting! Sorry it's going to be angsty already. I want to make sure to announce one thing tho, **RIN IS COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY IN LOVE WITH SOUSUKE IN THIS FIC!!!** It will be explained more as the story goes on, sorry for where it ends.

“They’re interesting,” Sousuke laughed, dropping down on Rin’s bed. Rin sat next to him, looking back at the other.

 

“Just admit it already! You like them,” Rin teased, poking his side. Sousuke swatted at his hand rolling his eyes.

 

“Only you’d make friends with that band of misfits,” he continued, but Rin could tell he was right. “Anyways, I don’t see why I have to like them. They’re your friends.”

 

“And my friends are your friends stupid,” Rin snickered. “Be grateful, without me you wouldn’t have any friends.”

 

“Hey!” Sousuke grunted, slapping Rin’s arm as he sat up next to him. “Well, you’re right. But it’s rude to point it out.”

 

“What?” Rin asked, thrown off by Sousuke’s answers. Sousuke smiled at him for a second before leaning on his knees and looking down at his hands.

 

“Well, it’s not like I’ve made an effort to make any friends anyways. So really, if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have any.”

 

Shocked still for a second, Rin observed the fondness in Sousuke’s eyes. A shaky, tentative hand laid itself between them and Rin shifted forward a bit. He saw Sousuke stare at his hand for a second before looking up at him and letting his own hand sit between them. They barely touched. Their pinks just grazing each other, but it shook his heart. The air around them was stifling, heavy with a seriousness both strange and familiar.

 

“You could have made friends if you tried,” Rin whispered, though his words felt detached. “Anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend.”

 

“Yeah?” Sousuke smiled, turning to him a little more, leaning just a little closer.

 

“Yeah,” Rin breathed, their foreheads nearly touching as they watched each other. He wasn’t sure how it happened, but his heart stopped when their lips touched, and with closed eyes he felt how warm it was. Their fingers interlaced and he tilted his head just a bit, just to stop their noses from touching. The kiss was chaste, but firm and sure, and so, so nice.

 

When they parted Rin felt at a loss, he opened his eyes, feeling as though a great weight was put upon each lid and he saw Sousuke there in front of him, eyes still closed and looking just as content as Rin felt.

 

“I love you.”

 

“What?” Rin asked, ice cold fear drowning out all of the previous good feelings. He saw Sousuke’s eyes open wide, as though he had not even realized he had said it out loud. Rin pulled back his hand, holding it and squeezing it, the pleasant warmth going cold and clammy.

 

“Well, I,” Sousuke stumbled, looking down. Rin felt Sousuke’s excuses failing him and that gripping fear began to choke him.

 

“I’m sorry, that—I didn’t mean to kiss you it was a mistake, we,” Rin interrupted, hands shaking as their future passed before his eyes. “We can just forget about it right? It’s okay the way we are—best friends. It’s better if we’re just best friends.”

 

The rest of the explanation never made it out of his mouth, all words dying on his tongue as he watched in horror as Sousuke’s face went deathly pale. His cheeks lost their color and his lips went paper white. He wasn’t looking at Rin, but something else. As though he couldn’t see Rin anymore. His hand went out to touch Sousuke, his voice on his tongue, but Sousuke pulled away.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Tears welled up in his eyes as he heard the crack in Sousuke’s voice. Sousuke stood up and Rin panicked, grabbing his arm before knowing what he wanted to do. He knew that he should let Sousuke go, but something in him told him if he were to allow him to leave, it would be over for them. There would be no going back. Maybe it was already too late to fix things.

 

“Don’t leave,” Rin pleaded, not knowing what else to say. Sousuke did not turn to him.

 

“Rin, it’s okay. It’s not your fault, I’m sorry. I just need to be alone right now. Everything can go back to normal tomorrow, okay? Sorry.”

 

“Sousuke—Sousuke what are you sorry for? You have nothing to be sorry for!” Rin choked, his throat swelling with his unsaid words. His mind was like spinning wheels with no traction, unsure and unsteady as he clutched onto Sousuke, knowing only that he couldn’t let the other leave yet. “I’m the one who’s sorry. If—if I wasn’t such a coward and could have sex with you everything would be okay but—but I can’t so even if I love you it’s best if we just stay friends.”

 

“Sex!?” Sousuke yelled, turning to him in shock, his eyes red rimmed and full of tears Rin had not seen in ages. “What are you talking about Rin!?”

 

“I—I mean I love you! But I can’t have sex with you—I’m sorry Sousuke I, I thought about it a lot but there’s really no way so. So instead of having you disappointed with me and wanting to move on after everything is changed it’s better if we just stay the way we are,” Rin answered, though as he spoke his conviction became weaker and weaker. He coward under Sousuke’s pained disbelief.

 

“You,” Sousuke whispered, grabbing Rin’s hands. “You love me?”

 

“Of course I do,” Rin mumbled, face marred by the loose hairs clinging to his cheeks, glued there by his tears. Sousuke’s eyes softened then, and he rubbed at them, before starting to laugh. A weak, fragmented laugh that sounded exhausted and broke Rin’s heart.

 

“What are you going on about, thinking that far ahead. Rin, I—I could never even imagine us together. Even holding your hand felt— didn’t even mean to confess. Whenever I imagined it just felt like betrayal,” Sousuke choked, hiding his tear ridden face from him. “And here you are saying you love me too?”

 

His stomach twisted up at Sousuke’s words, nausea overcoming him as he thought about how his earlier words must have sounded to Sousuke. Trembling hands pulled Sousuke back down and into a hug, only calming after he felt Sousuke’s arms wrap around him. “I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t mean for you to feel like that Sousuke, never. I’d never hate you. I love you. I’m such an idiot for saying it like that—it’s not a mistake. I take it back. I take everything I said back. I just said all that because I’m scared, okay?”

 

“You’re never scared.”

 

“Sousuke, I’m serious,” Rin whispered, dismissing his empty tease. “I’m serious. I love you, and I would never have said those things if I had thought it’d make you feel like this.”

 

“How could you not know? You always think before you say things,” Sousuke sighed, his arms dropping to loosely hug his waist.

 

“I didn’t this time,” Rin reassured, squeezing him tighter. “But I am now, okay?”

 

“If you say so.”

 

The silence between them was maddening, but Rin endured it as he heard Sousuke’s breathing calm down in his ears. The guilt welling up in his stomach was unreal. Churning and twisting, knotting up with each passing second. Not even their final race together, allowing Sousuke to hurt himself further for something that seemed so trivial in hindsight, had brought up such feelings of remorse.

 

He had so many questions, all jammed up in the back of his throat, waiting for something to set them free. Still, he endured, because it seemed as though Sousuke was the one who deserved to ask questions. It was Sousuke who, by the sheer sound of his voice and wetness of his eyes, showed that he had been carrying a far heavier burden than Rin.

 

“So,” Sousuke started, voice breathy and foreign to Rin as he tried to regain his composure. “So you love me.”

 

It wasn’t a question, and it wasn’t so much a reassurance either, which made Rin release a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. He believed him, which was all he could ask for. Sousuke pulled away from him, still hunched over though his eyes lifted to meet Rin’s. Red and puffy around the edges, the mere sight of those tired eyes making his own eyes glisten again.

 

“Since when?”

 

“I only noticed recently, but I think for a long time now,” Rin answered honestly, wiping at his eyes. Sousuke watched him, as though assessing him, or maybe he was thinking of what to say next. Rin couldn’t be sure, all he knew was that he felt so raw and exposed, and he thought Sousuke likely felt the same. “What—what about you?”

 

“I noticed in middle school.”

 

He didn’t add anymore, but Rin caught the phrasing and his heart skipped as much as it trembled in guilt with the realization of just how long the other loved him. Rin drew back his hands further and grabbed onto Sousuke’s, which had retreated to his lap after pulling away. He heard Sousuke’s stuttered gasp, a mix of shock and the aftermath of crying. He didn’t look at Sousuke, afraid at what he might find as he lovingly wrapped his fingers around Sousuke’s, trying to ground himself just as much as reassure Sousuke.

 

“What were you talking about before—why were you talking about sex when we haven’t even figured out what this is?” Sousuke asked and Rin looked up, embarrassed but shocked by his words.

 

“What do you mean? It’s love isn’t it? You love me don’t you?” Sousuke didn’t answer and Rin continued, knowing he was right. “We’d be boyfriends—lovers. But—but if we’re lovers then that means things that I can’t do Sousuke. Not with you.”

 

Rin hoped that he got his point across, gazing into Sousuke’s eyes hoping for a hint of understanding. Sousuke took his hand then and focused again when he was finished thinking over Rin’s words. “When you say ‘not with you’ it sounds like you’d be willing with others. Is it not good if I’m not a woman?”

 

“No!” Rin gawked. “No! It wouldn’t work at all if you were a girl—I don’t really like girls like that.”

 

“Then you’d be willing with other guys—just not me?”

 

Rin froze, and with every second passing he saw Sousuke recede further from him. Neither of them moved but he could feel it in his heart and he choked. “That’s not it either. Just—just not with guys like you,” he offered, desperate to explain himself.

 

Either Sousuke understood or he didn’t want to know anymore. He turned away from Rin then, but allowed him to slide closer. He didn’t let go of his hand though his grip was loose. Rin feared that he had already ruined everything but then he felt a hand on his cheek and he blinked, looking at Sousuke. He smiled at him, and he couldn’t tell how it made him feel. It was not a smile that made him feel relieved, but he felt love in it, and Rin latched onto that knowledge.

 

“Rin, I’ve never even thought of that kind of stuff, so if you’re happy the way things are then I am too. As long as you’re happy, I am too. Knowing you love me is more than I’ve ever asked for.”

 

Rin couldn’t stop his tears as they shared their second kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another double update!! I’m hoping to do double updates each week until it’s finished!!! Usually I'll be updating on Sundays, but I'm going to be busy tomorrow so it's a day early!

“RinRin you monster,” Nagisa’s voice came through the phone. Rin could only agree as he stared down at the concrete, hiding in the shade of one of the sheds on campus. He needed to talk to someone and there was only one person he could count on that would actually give him good advice, albeit he was the only person he could talk to about it period.

 

“I couldn’t say anything after that, and I don’t know how to bring it back up again. Is it even normal to respond like that?” Rin whispered, glancing around for any sign of people he knew. He heard a hum on the other side of the line before a deep sigh.

 

“Rin-chan, you know, Sou-chan really likes you. It’s been obvious to everyone since he showed up! And you keep jumping to conclusions which is really hurting him! You gotta ask him directly what he thinks. What’s wrong anyways? If you don’t want to have sex with Sou-chan then that’s okay. There’s plenty of people who have romantic relationships and never have sex!”

 

“But I do want to have—it’s not like I don’t want to do it with him,” Rin stuttered, bringing down his voice further as his ears started to burn.

 

“You do want to. You don’t want to. You have to make up your mind Rin-chan! You’re just going to be running in circles and making Sou-chan dizzy if you keep this up!” Nagisa chided him. “What about Sou-chan makes you not want to have sex with him?”

 

“Because I can’t be the girl,” Rin hissed, face burning. “There’s just no way I can do that okay?”

 

“But you still want to have sex with him,” Nagisa clarified, finally making sense of their conversation. “Rin-chan you’re so indirect when it comes to this. You could have just told Sou-chan about that.”

 

“How can I!? Besides Sousuke doesn’t even seem interested anyways, maybe—maybe he doesn’t really like me like that,” Rin mumbled, slamming his head against the wall with a thump.

 

“You know that isn’t true Rin-chan you’re just being melodramatic! So the problem is you want to have sex with your boyfriend, but your boyfriend is Sou-chan and you don’t want to be on the receiving end, right?”

 

“Right,” Rin reasoned after a pause. “But I don’t want him to do that either.”

 

“Rin-chan I really think you need to talk to Sousuke about this. Besides—even before that there’s still lots of fun lewd stuff you and Sou-chan can do together!”

 

“Lewd!?” Rin choked, accidently biting his tongue. “Nagisa!”

 

“I’m serious Rin-chan!” Nagisa laughed. “Why not worry about swapping spit with your boyfriend first? You’re seriously thinking way too far ahead. It’ll all solve itself as you go!”

 

“How can you be so sure about that?”

 

“Because that’s what the flow is all about Rin-chan!”

 

“Flow,” Rin spat, though he rubbed the back of his neck as he thought about it. It was easier to initiate contact with Sousuke leading up to their first kiss, and he hadn’t even planned any of that. Maybe there was a sort of flow to it, but knowing that did nothing to settle is heart.

 

“Rin, talk to Sousuke! You’re not giving him enough credit. I’m sure if you talked to him you’ll stop doubting everything,” Nagisa added. “I got to go now, I have a date with Rei-chan you know!”

 

“You’re shameless,” Rin laughed, knowing that his friend loved to tease Rei. They weren’t in a relationship according to Nagisa, but sometimes Rin wondered how much was a joke and how much was that sly devil’s plan to throw them off. “Thanks Nagisa. What you said kind of helped.”

 

“That’s because I’m wise with life experience Rin-chan!”

 

“I said ‘kind of’,” Rin teased before saying goodbye and hanging up.

 

He stared at his phone before holding it to his head and sighing. All because he was insatiable, all because he was selfish and greedy, that’s why everything was so complicated. If he could just stop listening to that little voice in his head everything would be okay. Being with Sousuke but not having sex with him, being with Sousuke but having sex with them. It’s like he couldn’t let himself be happy with what he had.

 

“What am I doing?” Rin asked himself with a sigh before standing up and shoving his phone in his pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for ending on another chapter like this, but things are going to start getting better starting next week!

The distance between their lips was too far, and the distance between hearts even farther, Rin thought. He leaned in for another kiss, sighing against Sousuke’s dry lips. He left his eyes open, watching Sousuke’s dark lashes rest against his cheeks. He wondered what the point of them were, why a guy should have such thick lashes with no use for them. A memory of Gou complaining about the unfairness of how boys seem naturally blessed with what she had to achieve through makeup flittered through his head as Sousuke pulled back.

 

His eyes fluttered opened and he seemed shock to see Rin staring at him, the whites of his eyes showing before they narrowed and his once soft lips morphed into a thin line.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Huh?” Rin asked, genuinely confused. He didn’t feel as though anything was wrong, though the giddiness of kissing didn’t come like it had the first time. Although comfortable and satisfying, he couldn’t help but to wonder what had changed. “Is something wrong?”

 

“You just seem like you’re not happy,” Sousuke whispered, thumb coming up to touch Rin’s bottom lip. Rin watched Sousuke’s eyes followed the downward curve of his lips, surprised when he sighed.

 

“I am happy,” Rin answered, shaking his head. “But maybe it’s not like there’s nothing wrong. I don’t really know I just—do you like kissing me?”

 

“Yes?” Sousuke answered, a question in his eyes, wondering how Rin could ask that. Rin pulled the side of his lips into his mouth and rolled them. He rubbed the back of his neck and sat back.

 

“Well, I just thought maybe you didn’t since you don’t want to take it any further,” he mumbled, finding the truth spilling out of his mouth before he even registered it as such. As though his mind new exactly what was bothering him but did not bother tell him. He sealed his lips shut, shocked by the proclamation he made.

 

“I just thought you might not want to,” Sousuke said though there was more on his mind. Rin traced the lines in his forehead, smoothing them out before pulling him close. He didn’t know what to say, didn’t know why it was so hard to talk to Sousuke like this.

 

“I want you to, touching is okay too. I want to feel you Sousuke.”

 

Before he let himself be shocked still by his own words he rushed forward, wrapping a hand in Sousuke’s hair and using the other to pull him close. He slid their lips together and opened their mouths. He felt Sousuke’s shock subside as arms wrapped around his waist and he pushed forward. Their tongues slid against each other but the feeling was more awkward than anything. Rin felt an anxiety building up as he tried to make the kiss deeper, make it special, make it different.

 

“Rin, stop,” Sousuke begged, trying to pulling back. “Stop. What’s wrong?”

 

Mortification lit his face as he pulled back, realizing Sousuke was feeling much like he was. He tried to get up but Sousuke’s grip on him was too tight. He felt hot tears pouring out of his eyes and his throat squeeze. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry Sousuke this isn’t working—it doesn’t feel good I don’t know how to make it feel good. I don’t know what’s wrong.”

 

“Rin, please don’t cry,” Sousuke whispered, helping him wipe away his tears. “Relax, you’ve been so uptight. What are you trying to do by forcing yourself like this? It’s okay if you’re not into this.”

 

“But that’s not it! I am into this! It should work—I’m not like that! It’s not like I don’t like kissing, or making out, or anything I just—it’s just with you right now—why doesn’t it feel right?” he sobbed into his hands. He felt Sousuke stiffen under his touch and the never ending guilt fell on his shoulders. “I just feel so strange Sousuke, I’m sorry. I feel so unsettled with you. I just want to feel close to you, but it’s not working.”

 

“Maybe we’re just not meant to be,” Sousuke started and Rin choked on his tears, looking up at him in fear of his words. “Don’t give me that. You’re the one who’s thinking it. You know, maybe we are meant to be but you’re just putting too much pressure on it. I know you don’t want to talk about it, don’t tell me you don’t know what’s really wrong. Whatever hang-ups you’re having, you can’t just ignore them Rin, or else it’ll make everything that does feel good feel bad. Believe me, I get it.”

 

Rin bit his lip to hold back his words as well as his tears. Sousuke wiped his eyes, letting his fingers trail across the damp skin of his cheeks. Two callused fingers brushed Rin’s loose hair behind his ear.

 

“It’s like you’re trying to rush things and put them off at the same time,” Sousuke chuckled, a mirthless smile matching his worried eyes.

 

“I don’t think it’s ever been this hard to communicate with you, but that’s because it’s important right? When I was at the point that I needed to talk to you the most about my shoulder, I couldn’t do it because I didn’t know how without upsetting you. If there’s something you need to talk to me about then just try when you’re ready okay? But know I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Rin didn’t say anything, just watching Sousuke in amazement as he let those words settle in his heart. He nodded and looked away, grabbing onto Sousuke’s shirt. Was he ruining everything because he didn’t know how to settle the doubts in his heart? Because he wasn’t sure how to continue? He felt Sousuke shift further on his bed and Rin felt the soft fabric of his shirt get tugged out of his hands. Sousuke’s skin splayed out before his eyes as he tossed it on the ground. Rin didn’t have time to process what was happening as Sousuke leaned in suddenly, hands on his hips.

 

“I’m going to take off your shirt,” Sousuke whispered in his ear and before Rin could ask what he was doing his tank top was pulled over his head.

 

“Sousuke—wait!” Rin choked, mind reeling as he was pushed down onto the bed. A thousand and one fears ran through his heart but before he could do anything he was pulled onto his side and into a hug. His heart stopped, eyes only seeing the wall behind Sousuke. His shoulder and collarbone were met with the scratchy material of Sousuke’s brace, but he didn’t move.

 

“Just listen, okay?”

 

Rin did, but Sousuke remained silent. He could hear Sousuke’s soft and steady breaths in his ears and closed his eyes. Sousuke’s hands were rubbing his back, not slow or sensual movements, but warm and gentle ones. Somehow it felt more like the comforting touch of a parent than that of a lover. He let an arm drape across Sousuke’s side and pressed his hand flat against his back, feeling the dips of his spine with his fingers.

 

His skin was warm, and the feel of his heartbeat between them soothing.

 

“You’ve calmed down,” Sousuke hummed after a few minutes, voice warm and soft. Rin’s eyes opened and they pulled back just far enough to look at each other. Sousuke lifted on hand to his face, stroking his cheek.

 

“What?”

 

“You were hyperventilating. You didn’t notice? It was like you were collapsing in on yourself,” he told him.

 

“I,” Rin breathed, “was I really?”

 

“I didn’t know if it would work—hugging you like this I mean. But you were talking about feeling close and I thought maybe being closer would help, just a different closeness than you were thinking about.”

 

A silence passed between them before Rin pulled Sousuke back to him, feeling his warmth under his fingers, against his chest. He hadn’t noticed that they were breathing in time, nor that his tears were dry and he did not feel the need to cry. He felt safe and exposed, secure and vulnerable, all at the same time.

 

“I love you,” he said, kissing the words to Sousuke’s skin. Sousuke’s hands started up again, rubbing gentle circles into his back.

 

“I know, so we’ll definitely get through this together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly good things happening this update! (Also another double update!!!)

Rin felt the buzz in his hand and looked down, seeing Nagisa had texted him asking how it was going. He tapped a quick reply about how things were better, and asking him why he was up so late. He still hadn’t talked to Sousuke about everything, but it was comfortable like they were. The way Sousuke’s arms were wrapped around him even in sleep, the soft and steady breaths of the napping man in his ears. The past few days were like taking a breath of fresh air.

 

Rin put his phone on the floor before turning around, arm wrapping around Sousuke’s back. He closed his eyes and breathed in the soft, clean scent of Sousuke’s body wash. Just like this Sousuke had pulled Rin out of his despair. He let his fingers glide across cotton, trailing along the expanse of Sousuke’s back. When he got to the hem he tugged on it a little, gazing at the peaceful sleeping face in front of him and wondering if it was okay to touch.

 

He knew it was, Sousuke had made sure he knew that, but still he was hesitant as the other slept. The knowledge that the other had given him such permission made him giddy and nervous, a smile coming to his lips before he could control himself. He heard his phone vibrate against the hardwood but ignored it, instead dipping the tips of his fingers under Sousuke’s shirt.

 

Muscle was so soft when it was at rest, Rin mused, fingers dancing across the small of Sousuke’s back. Sousuke took a deep breath in his sleep, shifting away from the touch. Rin pressed his fingers firmly then, realizing he was probably tickling the other. He followed the dip of Sousuke’s spine up to his shoulders. He gave a gentle scratch chuckling as Sousuke sighed in sleep, shoulders relaxing. He gave the expanse of his back a good scratch, especially under the shoulder blades where it would be hard for the other to reach.

 

When his fingers met the restricting, itchy fabric of Sousuke’s brace he pushed his fingers under it. He rubbed along the edge of the brace, trying to comfort the poor skin it dug into. Sousuke moaned then, and Rin jumped in his skin, his arm jerking hard enough to pull his hand back out. Sousuke shifted once, face closer than it was before, eyes blinking open. Rin gazed into eyes foggy with sleep before they disappeared under those thick lashes he loved.

 

“Don’t stop,” he hummed, rolling his shoulder.

 

Rin stared at him for a second more before moving his head back, resting it against his pillow. He wiggled his fingers under the tight brace again, listening as Sousuke sighed, enjoying the release of pressure. Rin pulled in his lip, chewing on it as he thought of helping him feel better. He pulled his hand back and sat up, Sousuke’s arms going slack at his sides, tired eyes looking up at him.

 

“Want to take it off for a little?” Rin asked, hands on Sousuke’s waist. Sousuke looked at him a moment longer, processing the question to the best of his ability. He nodded a second later, and Rin started to pull his shirt up. He shifted, enough to allow Rin to pull it off before flopping back onto the bed. Rin helped Sousuke out of the brace, with only a little difficulty caused by Sousuke’s laziness. Rin forgave him though, it was still only six after all.

 

When they were done Rin stared down at Sousuke’s bare chest, his hands reaching out to touch.

 

It was not as though he hadn’t seen the sight before, but it was only the second time he was allowed to feel it so intimately. His heart began to pick up as he kneaded at Sousuke’s abs, marveling at how soft and warm they were. He could only feel their power when the other would tense, tickled by Rin’s touch. His breath stuttered as he moved upward, daring to brush Sousuke’s nipples with his fingers. The sharp intake of breath woke Rin back up from his daze, seeing Sousuke looking up at him with neither a question nor disgust, just watching, seeing what he would do. Rin turned his attention to Sousuke’s shoulders, massaging them at the awkward angle.

 

A palm settled on Rin’s leg and Rin looked at Sousuke, taking the hint and straddling his thighs. It was a little less awkward, but Rin still feared sitting any farther up on the other. Not with the heat of his skin beginning to pick up in time with the beats of his heart. He began to rub down Sousuke’s arms, smiling at how the other was trying to watch despite the clear heaviness of his eyes. When Sousuke’s fingers grabbed onto his he leaned up to him for a kiss. It was soft and sweet as Sousuke’s other hand came to rest on his back. Even without any pressure Rin could feel it’s weight, like a silent question.

 

Rin took a breath before letting himself rest against him, trying to ignore their nether regions. Instead he focused on how both Sousuke's arms wrapped around his waist, like they were happy to have him there. Rin kissed Sousuke again, smiling as Sousuke’s tried to kiss back. There was a sort of desperation in them, as though his lips were too tired to move but still trying so hard to. Rin held Sousuke’s cheek, kissing him in short sweet pecks before pulling at Sousuke’s tired lips.

 

Sousuke answered, opening his mouth and letting the kiss deepen, slow, a little messy, but Rin’s heart was going to burst. His cheeks were hot. So hot not even sunburn could compare to it. He felt like the whole room had turned into an oven, Sousuke’s bare skin like fire against his hands. He shifted, just to get a better angle for kissing, but then their waists aligned and the once thick sweats he was wearing felt so thin, so vulnerable. A heat erupting from all over his body.

 

Sousuke stopped breathing for a second, eyes opening again as Rin pulled away, embarrassed by his mistake.

 

“S’wrong?” Sousuke mumbled, trying to ask why he had stopped. Rin look at him and wondered if it was okay to tell him he didn’t want to go any further.

 

“I—I don’t want it to get that far yet,” Rin admitted, a coldness in his heart dampening the heat in his stomach. Sousuke blinked for a minute before looking down and sleepy mind making the connections.

 

“Ignore it then,” Sousuke mumbled, eyes closing. “It feels really good right now, don’t wanna stop. S’not like we have to do anything about that anyways. Let’s just continue like this.”

 

Rin pursed his lips, agreeing that he wanted to continue kissing Sousuke, feeling better about kissing him than he ever had. He nodded, chuckling when he realized Sousuke already looked like he was sleeping. He got off Sousuke, rolling onto his side and grabbing Sousuke’s arms, pulling it towards him. Sousuke opened his eyes for a moment, watching Rin as they shifted into a comfortable position. Rin still felt hypersensitive to their lower halves but leaned forward to kiss him.

 

It felt too good kissing Sousuke to stop just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that’s it for now, hope everyone liked the update! See you all next Sunday!!

“Wait try this one. Last one, promise.”

 

Rin handed Sousuke another shirt. Despite his clear frustration he grabbed the shirt before reentering the changing room. They had already found a few good ones, but Rin wanted Sousuke to try on at least one more, just because he wanted to see how it looked on him. It was smaller than Sousuke would normally try on, but he was curious about what he'd look like if he wore a formfitting shirt for once.

 

“Oi, Rin is this a joke. This thing is way too small,” Sousuke called from inside the small cubicle.

 

“Don’t be such a baby, just show me.”

 

Rin was expecting it to be fun to see, maybe it’d look good and he’d like it enough to buy it for him. He wasn’t, however, expecting for the shirt to cling to Sousuke’s chest the way it did, or how it rode up around his stomach. Rin stared, face ablaze as he looked at how obscene Sousuke’s chest stretching the shirt looked. He knew that Sousuke’s waist and shoulders were wide in their difference, but he didn’t expect it to be that different.

 

It made the back of his neck hot and his arms and chest tingle.

 

“Rin?”

 

“Maybe it’s a little small,” Rin croaked, bring up the back of his hand to his mouth to cover his laughter and embarrassment of finding it actually sexy. “You’re really too much Sousuke.”

 

“I told you it was small,” Sousuke grumbled, scowling at the other and turning around to take it off. Rin swallowed when he saw the strip of Sousuke’s bare back.

 

“You should get it,” Rin blurted out. Sousuke glanced behind him, baffled by the Rin’s proclamation.

 

“There is no way I’m wearing this thing in public. I look ridiculous,” Sousuke said before disappearing into the changing room once more.

 

“You—you can wear it when it’s just the two of us,” Rin offered, hand going up to tuck his loose hair behind his ear. He hoped Sousuke had gotten the hint, but wouldn’t have it in him to say anymore if Sousuke decided not to get it. The rustling of clothes stopped for a second before Sousuke was up and out the door, a small pile of the shirts he wanted in one hand and the rest in the other. Rin noticed the tight black shirt on top of the keep pile and kept his excitement to himself.

 

“Do you want to get something to eat before we head back?” Sousuke asked. Rin took the shirts Sousuke didn’t want from him and stepped back, shrugging with a smile on his face.

 

“That almost makes it seem like it’s a date,” Rin teased. Sousuke’s chest swelled with a deep breath, an unsteady frown on his face as he looked away. “Was that the plan?”

 

“I just thought,” Sousuke mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Whatever. I’m going to pay for these. Decide if you want to eat before we go back or not, I don’t care either way.”

 

Rin laughed nodding and walking off to put back all of the shirts. He glanced back and saw Sousuke’s broad shoulders standing in front of the counter. Sousuke got embarrassed by the silliest things, he thought as he finished putting back the unwanted clothes. Once he was done he rejoined Sousuke at the exit, knocking him with his elbow and giving him a reassuring smile.

 

“Let’s go get something to eat. Today was fun, it’d be a nice first date,” Rin added. Sousuke rolled his eyes but walked just a bit closer. Rin had little time to think about it, cursing as he heard the upbeat tune of his cellphone blaring in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw that it was Nagisa who was calling him.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Rin-chan! Look to your left!” Nagisa’s voice came in almost like an echo.

 

“My what?” Rin said looking down the street. Sure enough the ball of demonic energy and sunshine was there waving one hand eagerly, Rei, Makoto, and Haru all in tow. He hung up and put his phone back into his pocket sighing. Sousuke also seemed to notice them, his brow pulling down in his unhappiness at their recently decided date was interrupted.

 

“How about next time we plan something exciting, and make that our first date?” Rin asked, a lopsided smirk on his face. It wasn’t like he could ignore his friends, and they weren’t doing anything too outside of routine for it to even be considered a date. Sousuke shrugged, not saying anything as they started to walk to the group.

 

When they reached the group Nagisa’s eyes glinted and Rin felt a knot in the pit of his stomach. He wasn’t sure what it was about, but there was a knowing in Nagisa’s eyes that made him feel nervous. Makoto and Haru also seemed to look surprised by something. Rei, bless him, looked as normal and oblivious as always. Rin took a step away from Sousuke, thinking maybe the distance between them was unusual.

 

“Hey Rin-chan want to go to dinner with us!? So lucky to see you and Sou-chan here!”

 

“Ah, well actually,” Rin started, feeling himself chicken out.

 

“Sure,” Sousuke answered for them, eyes forward. Makoto and Nagisa visibly perked up at the answer, but Rin felt like he wanted to jet. “Where are we going?”

 

“Well actually there is a really good family diner just down the street,” Makoto started, leading the rest of the group. Haru stuck to Makoto’s side like glue as they walked past, Sousuke and Rei following behind. Nagisa looked at Rin for a second before grabbing his hand and pulling him along.

 

“Something wrong Rin-chan?” Nagisa whispered. Rin shook of his hand and shoved it into his pocket.

 

“No,” Rin said, not wanting to talk about it. There was definitely something up, the way they looked at him, it was just a second, but there was something about it that made his skin crawl. Was he being too sensitive? Too self-conscious?

 

“Rin-chan really is an open book,” Nagisa said, poking his side. Rin's heart jumped and he clenched his teeth.

 

“Really?”

 

“Definitely. You were looking so happy with Sou-chan before, but now you’re all stressed and overthinking things,” Nagisa said, this time tapping at his forehead. “It shows right here Rin-chan.”

 

“That—that’s all?” Rin asked, heart relaxing and mortification starting to set it.

 

“What else is there Rin-chan? You worried about something?” Nagisa asked, genuine curiosity in his eyes.

 

“No, no nothing. Or—well, I’ll tell you later okay?” Rin sighed, looking back at the rest of his friends. Sousuke seemed to be well adjusted, immersed in some conversation with Rei. Nagisa let it go, but he knew he’d be getting a call later that night, or at least a hundred texts. Rin felt the speed of his heart, still pumping with anxiety and depression. It’d calm down, he’d calm down.

 

He just needed a minute, that’s all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to take a moment and say thank you to everyone who’s been reading this fic! It’s very important to me and I’m really happy to finally share it with everyone. I know it’s going to be long, in both physical length and Rin’s emotional battles, but I hope that those of you who choose to stick around enjoy it as much as I do!
> 
> I’m going to do my best to get out double chapters every week to help make it go a little faster for everyone. Thanks again!

 “Hey,” Rin whispered between kisses. “Can we talk about something serious?”

 

“Of course,” Sousuke answered, pulling back and leaning against the wall. They had been enjoying a night in, and Rin didn’t want to ruin it, but he felt a pull in his chest. An urge, a need to talk to Sousuke about what was on his mind. Rin grabbed a pillow and held it in his arms, scooting closer to Sousuke.

 

“What do you feel when you think of me?” Rin asked, nerves still unsettled. He wanted to get straight to the point but he felt himself stalling. He just wanted a little proof that Sousuke loved him maybe, some reassurance that he could talk to him.

 

“What kind of question is that?” Sousuke scoffed, arm wrapping around Rin’s waist, tugging him closer. Rin leaned into his side, resting his head against Sousuke’s. “I feel a lot of things. Love, admiration, like I want to do anything to see you smile.”

 

“Cheesy,” Rin mumbled, though he smiled into his pillow. “You really love me, huh?”

 

“What’s this all about?” Sousuke asked instead, picking up on how Rin was avoiding the point. Rin bit his lip and took a deep breath.

 

“It’s not like we have to worry about it just yet, but I was talking to Nagisa and I want to talk to you now. When we get there, I want to have s—sex with you. Do you ever want that?” Rin stuttered, feeling embarrassed for saying anything at all. Sousuke’s hand stilled against Rin’s side instead of continuing their gentle rubs.

 

“If that’s what you want, then of course.”

 

“Why do you say it like that? Does that mean you don’t want to have sex with me?” Rin continued, though it wasn’t accusatory. He noticed how Sousuke’s language was always so strange when talking about it. It wasn’t like the others he talked too. Not like his other school friends or acquaintances who so flippantly talked about those kind of things. Not like him either, who still thought about it even if he wasn’t so vocal.

 

“No, I do. It’s just that if you don’t want to then that’s okay too. I’ve never had much of an interest in stuff like that, but maybe,” Sousuke mused, pausing a second. “Maybe I like the idea of it a little. About making you feel good I mean. I would be happy if it’d make you happy.”

 

“You really didn’t have any interest in sex? Not at all?”

 

Rin turned to Sousuke a little, trying to see his face. Sousuke just shrugged, a soft frown on his lips. “Is it so bad not to? It’s not like I’m disgusted by it, but it’s not like I particularly want to or something.”

 

“Weird,” Rin mumbled, pulling back to face him better when Sousuke flinched. “I didn’t mean it like that—I mean it’s just. I mean I sort of get it. It’s just weird because I never expected you to be like that? But I guess it’s not like I ever expected you to be any other way either. I don’t know what I expected.”

 

“So why the interest anyways?” Sousuke continued, trying to get them back on track. Rin relaxed back into him for a second, his heart squeezed and his stomach tightened up.

 

“I just wanted to know how you felt,” Rin mumbled. “But maybe it’s also because I want to know how you see it happening between us. But if you don’t even think about it then that’s impossible, so it doesn’t really matter. It’s just—Sousuke I told you before that I couldn’t have sex with you, but I never really explained why.”

 

Sousuke tensed up, his shoulders went rigid and the hand on Rin’s went limp. Rin swallowed a lump in his throat, grabbing the hand and pulling it around him, holding it against the pillow in his arms. He didn’t want Sousuke to be worried about it. He didn’t want Sousuke to feel nervous about something like that, not when Rin loved him the way he did.

 

“It’s not,” Rin stuttered, taking in a deep breath. “It’s not like I don’t want to be intimate with the person I love, or that I can’t do it. It’s just because you’re so, you know, you. No matter how hard I try to ignore it for you, I just can’t. I don’t have it in me to play that part even for you. I can’t be the girl—not with you, not with anyone.”

 

“The what? Girl? Are you a girl?” Sousuke asked, genuine concern lacing the questions. Rin pulled back, a scowl on his face.

 

“Of course not! I’m saying I can’t be the girl!” Rin hissed, hitting his arm with no force behind it. He was trying to keep things calm so that the whole dorm wouldn’t hear, but his irritation was getting to him.

 

“What are you talking about?” Sousuke’s frustration clear in the tone of his voice and the scrunch of his nose. “Be what girl?”

 

“The girl in sex, you idiot! I know you’re not interested in these kinds of things but it’s pretty basic—you’re so irritating sometimes! Just use your head!” Rin snapped. Sousuke let go of him then, pulling away with anger in in his eyes. Rin froze for a second, heart stopping as he saw Sousuke’s anger so freely.

 

“You’re a boy, you just said so didn’t you!? If neither of us are girls, then there is no girl part! You’re the one not using your head,” Sousuke argued, scooting off the bed. “I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours, but it doesn’t make any sense.”

 

“Where are you going!? Rin balked, grabbing his arm.

 

“Nowhere,” Sousuke said, settling at the edge of the bed, turned to Rin. “You have more to say, don’t you? I’ll hear you out but that doesn’t mean I’ll understand any of it if it sounds as ridiculous as what you just said.”

 

Hot tears started pouring out of his eyes. He had enough time to see Sousuke’s surprise before he was shutting them tight. Rough hands tried to wipe away the tears, his breath being stolen from him as he tried to calm himself down. Rin felt the shift of the bed and arms wrapped around him, pulling him towards the edge. Sousuke held onto him, rubbing his back.

 

“Rin why are you crying—please don’t cry,” Sousuke begged.

 

“I knew—I knew you wouldn’t get it,” Rin sobbed. “I knew it!”

 

“I’m sorry, Rin. I don’t get it, but I didn’t mean to sound like I did. Just keep telling me until I do understand,” Sousuke whispered, squeezing him tighter. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t—I don’t want you to hate me,” he cried into Sousuke’s chest. Everything came bubbling up, all the dark muck he had been holding onto building up in his chest.

 

“I would never hate you.”

 

“You will,” Rin choked. “You will—I do. I hate me, I’m such a coward.”

 

“Rin,” Sousuke called, voice firm. “Don’t you ever say that you hate yourself. You are not a coward. It’s okay to be afraid of things. I—I was afraid of a lot of things. Afraid of telling you things, so we’re the same. It’s okay to feel like that, Rin. Just tell me what’s wrong.”

 

Rin choked on his tears, clenched fists twisting the pillow in his hands as he cried. He didn’t know how to tell Sousuke, didn’t know if he could get words out at all. He started to hiccup, though he tried to steady his breaths nothing would help. He reached out with one hand for Sousuke’s shirt, holding it in a tight grip. Sousuke gave him a squeeze, placing a kiss at the top of his head.

 

“So you were talking about sex, what about it is bothering you? What do you mean girl part?” Sousuke asked, trying to help him explain himself. Rin let out a choked sob and took a deep breath.

 

“I—I’m saying I can’t just get fu—fucked by you, okay? But I don’t want that f—for you either,” Rin cried, his breathing stuttering his words.

 

“Rin, I’m trying to understand but I really don’t get it,” Sousuke admitted, rubbing his back. “You’re talking about positions in sex? That’s what this is all about? I told you I’m okay with anything, anything you want.”

 

“B—But I don’t want that!” Rin yelled, his arms shaking. “I don’t wa—want you to go through that.”

 

“Go through what? You make it sound like it’s such a bad thing. And before too you were talking about there being a girl part. Isn’t that a little messed up, likening being a girl to being fucked?” Sousuke asked, hands stilling.

 

“It’s j—just what they call it, okay?” Rin said, pushing Sousuke back and rubbing at his eyes. His breathing was still erratic but he had calmed down enough to talk. He looked at Sousuke and saw Sousuke’s pensive gaze and unsatisfied frown.

 

“Rin, I don’t see the problem with it. And I still think that’s kind of messed up, what if Gou heard you now?”

 

“What?” Rin choked.

 

“You’re the one who’s saying it,” Sousuke said in his defense, holding up his hands. “I don’t see why else it’d be called the girl part if you weren’t trying to say that. And then there’s how you’re reacting, you’re really upset with the idea of it aren’t you? Why else would you be unless you saw it as something bad?”

 

His throat constricted and his eyes were glossy and blurred over. “I didn’t mean it like th—that.”

 

“I know you don’t,” Sousuke said with a lopsided smile. “But you still feel like that. And Rin, if you think like that you’ll never be able to have that kind of sex with the one you love—me or otherwise. Because it will always come back down to this.”

 

Sousuke’s words spun around in his head as he thought of Gou and what his words really sounded like. How she would have felt if she had been the one hearing him talk. How he so easily accepted how he felt for guys, but how he could never accept this. How disgusted he was over the thought of having to do that—over having someone he loved and respected do that, and what that meant.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

He didn’t know who he was apologizing to, Sousuke, Gou, the world. He couldn’t quite grasp everything that happened, but he felt himself being pulled into Sousuke’s arms. He didn’t have the strength to do anything back, and not even Sousuke’s warmth could stop the blackness in his heart.

 

“I’m sorry,” Rin cried into Sousuke’s neck. Lips trembling against his skin as he tried to pull himself together. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

 

“Rin,” Sousuke whispered, hugging him tight. “It’s alright. I don’t know who put it into your head that it’s a bad thing being like that with the one you love, but it really isn’t. You know that don’t you? That’s why you tried so hard to work around it, right?”

 

Rin bit his lip, chin trembling. He nodded, holding Sousuke closer because it was the only thing he could do.

 

“Then it’ll be okay. We’ll get through it together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you all again next week!!!

“I feel like I’m a broken record,” Rin sighed, leaning against his pillow, balancing his cell against his ear. “But I talked to him for real yesterday, it was kind of,” he paused, “scary. I mean—Sousuke was really angry. I would be too, if I was him. I was saying all that shit without thinking about what it means.”

 

“What shit? What happened Rin-chan? Where is Sou-chan right now, anyways?”

 

“Physical therapy. I don’t know—I mean you know all that stuff about how being on the other end of sex is the girl part and stuff. He said some things about how Gou would feel hearing that and now I feel all gross. I mean I didn’t mean it like that, but I guess he’s kind of right, it’s messed up to call it that. And he was so weird just before that—asking if I was a girl. I mean we grew up together!”

 

“Well Rin-chan, Sou-chan isn’t like you, he’s pure and innocent! And wasn’t he in Tokyo all that time? Maybe he was asking Rin-chan if you were really a girl on the inside. It sounds like he was being considerate! I know some people like that too you know Rin-chan,” Nagisa said, humming.

 

Rin stared at their desks, face scrunching in thought. It made sense, but the idea that Sousuke knew about those kind of things made him feel strange. How could someone be so unknowledgeable about sex when they know so much about other things? Had Tokyo really changed him that much?

 

“Overthinking it, Rin-chan,” Nagisa cooed.

 

“Oh shut up,” Rin scoffed. “Look, maybe he does. I guess it’s not that important. I just don’t know what to do—I mean Sousuke really doesn’t care, but I still do.”

 

“I still think you’re really jumping the gun on this Rin-chan! You’re too fixated on sex! But I can see why it bothers you so much, if you want to do it with Sou-chan but feel you can’t. You should really just take it easy!”

 

“I’m trying,” Rin insisted, sighing. “Things have been better though, I wasn’t lying. Kissing him feels good now.”

 

“Does it now, Rin-chan?” Nagisa cooed, laughter in his voice. Rin groaned and covered his eyes with his arm.

 

“Why do I tell you this stuff again?”

 

“Who else would you talk to about it Rin-chan? Besides it’s important to tell me! You got to let it out or else you’ll only make more problems for you and Sou-chan! If it helps I won’t tease so much,” Nagisa said, “except for special occasions.”

 

“You are so kind,” Rin sneered, rolling his eyes. He knew he could trust Nagisa’s words though. Nagisa was, after all, the first and only person who knew about his feelings towards guys.

 

“That’s good though Rin-chan, I’m glad you’re happy kissing Sou-chan now! You shouldn’t feel bad when you’re doing stuff like that. I’m sure Sou-chan feels the same, it was definitely just your stress!”

 

“Uh,” Rin grunted, “yeah.”

 

“Huh? What was that just now Rin-chan? Something you haven’t told me yet, hmm?”

 

“I, well, I kind of figured out that how I feel changes how it feels,” Rin admitted, face hot as he thought about the other morning.

 

“Details? No details!? I want details Rin-chan, but if you’re uncomfortable,” Nagisa sighed, lamenting the loss of gossip. Rin coughed into his hand, a frown on his lips.

 

“I don’t really feel like talking about it, but the other morning—was nice,” Rin disclosed, not wanting to say it out loud.

 

“MORNING MAKEOUTS!? THAT’S GREAT RIN-CHAN! HOW DID IT HAPPEN!?”

 

“How the hell do you figure it out when I barely say anything,” Rin groaned, grabbing Sousuke’s pillow and shoving his face against it in his embarrassment. “Anyways, I don’t know it just sort of happened. Lately Sousuke sleeps in bed with me—no we don’t do anything—and I woke up and I felt like I wanted to, I don’t know, whatever, and yeah.”

 

“What a way with words you have Rin-chan,” Nagisa laughed. “But the flow! I told you it’d happen! That’s great, just go at a pace that’s comfortable for you and Sou-chan and everything will be great! I’m so excited for you Rin-chan, it’s nice you finally get to do all this! And with someone like Sou-chan!”

 

“Yeah,” Rin mumbled, pulling the pillow down against his chest. “I guess that’s true.”

 

“You should always trust your first to those you can trust, and who’s more trustworthy than Sou-chan! A lot better than those boys back in middle school.”

 

“Definitely,” Rin agreed, grimacing at the memory. “I’m still glad you got me out of that.”

 

“Of course Rin-chan, it wouldn’t have been good for someone like Rin-chan to give his heart away just because he was lonely.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

There was a silence over the phone for a moment as Rin felt the heaviness of that truth. He was so nervous about how he felt before, looking for any answers. He wasn’t sure what would have happened if he didn’t still have Nagisa writing him all the time. If Nagisa hadn’t been able to decipher the truth from his letters.

 

“Y’know Rin-chan, the other day you were asking about if you and Sou-chan looked like you were together,” Nagisa started, an unusual tone of seriousness in his voice. “Does it have anything to do with those boys? I remember how you weren’t bothered by people knowing you like guys—is it their fault that you don’t want anyone to know anymore? Because you think everyone will look at you differently?”

 

“I don’t know, I just stopped wanting to tell everyone Nagisa,” Rin confessed, though in his heart he knew that his middle school years could have played a part in the feeling. “But, maybe you’re not that far off. Being gay is one thing, but I don’t want to be seen how they saw me.”

 

“Sousuke is right though, there is nothing wrong with being a little girly Rin-chan, or liking feminine things, because there’s nothing wrong with being a girl! You shouldn’t let the dumb opinions of those bullies torment you any longer. I’m sorry I didn’t make the connection before, if I had known what they said to you bothered you that much I would have tried harder to make you feel better.”

 

“It’s not your fault Nagisa,” Rin sighed, combing a hand through his hair. “Honestly I haven’t thought about those idiots in a while, but maybe they left a bigger impression on me then I thought. I don’t—I don’t think being a girl or girlish is bad. I don’t want to keep thinking like that.”

 

Not when he remembered Gou, he thought. Rin sat up, hearing the sound of the door knob. Sousuke walked in, giving him a thumbs up, noticing Rin was on the phone. Rin smiled and gave him a thumbs up back.

 

“Sousuke’s back, so I’m going to go. Thanks Nagisa, really,” Rin said, scooting off to sit on the side of the bed.

 

“No problem Rin-chan. I guess I don’t have to worry too much, Sou-chan will definitely help. He’s an angel sent down from heaven just for Rin-chan!”

 

“An angel!?” Rin laughed, looking at Sousuke who was taking off his jacket. “Hey Sousuke, Nagisa says you’re an angel sent down to be with me.”

 

“I’m a what?” Sousuke choked, turning to Rin, completely baffled by his words.

 

Rin couldn’t stop laughing, but he was pretty sure Nagisa was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one update this week because I’m having some trouble keeping up with this and SR fest. After the next two weeks I should be able to double update again!!! I'll be busy next Sunday but there will be an update next Monday!

“But wait! Rin-senpai!”

 

“Yamazaki-senpai!”

 

“I said goodnight!” Rin said as he slammed the door shut. Sousuke was chuckling under his breath as Rin locked the door. Momo and Ai’s twin voices of complaint coming through the solid door as they jiggled the handle. Both were claiming to have very important matters to discuss. They knew it was just them complaining about each other, which was at least an every other day occurrence. They likely just wanted mediators to settle one of their many disagreements over Pyuunsuke.

 

“Leave them alone for a day and they go crazy,” Rin muttered, shrugging off his jacket and hanging it up in their closet. “My mistake for thinking we’d get to just come back to peaceful silence and go to bed.”

 

“Well I’m awake now,” Sousuke said, slipping on his pajamas. Rin’s skin erupted in goosebumps as he whipped around, eyes focused on the hardwood floor.

 

“And so is the rest of the dorm,” Rin laughed, cheeks hot as he got into his sweats and tank-top. He wasn’t sure why he was so nervous. It wasn’t like he had never seen Sousuke change, especially after the past week. “Still, I don’t mind the chaos if we get to go out like today.”

 

“Yeah?” Sousuke hummed, one hand on the ladder to his bunk. “Me too.”

 

“You going to sleep in your bed?” Rin asked, seeing the question in Sousuke’s eyes. He smiled a little, hand reaching out to grab the loose one on the metal bar. Even after it a week of regularity Sousuke was always looking for the request. Rin prided in the thought that maybe he wasn’t the only one nervous about everything. He wasn’t the only one wondering what was alright.

 

“I don’t know,” Sousuke whispered, the corner of his lip pulling up. Sousuke let his hand get dragged away from the ladder, their fingers intertwining. Rin pulled him to bed, Sousuke scooting back against the wall. Rin got in then, not being able to help the smile on his face or the bumps on his skin.

 

“Not turning off the lights?”

 

“You said you were awake, right?” Rin teased, fingers massaging the back of Sousuke’s hand before slipping out of its hold and going to his face. Sousuke’s hand was not to be out done, trailing up Rin’s side and settling on playing with the tips of his hair.

 

“What’s with you today?” Sousuke asked, a smile on his face. Rin didn’t know how to answer except to lean forward for a kiss.

 

It was a little awkward, what with them both smiling, but Rin’s heart felt relief in it. Without thinking Rin’s thumb traveled to Sousuke’s bottom lip, only noticing once he felt his nail against his own lips. Sousuke’s mouth parted, and Rin’s eyes fluttered open, gazing falling onto Sousuke’s closed ones before removing his fingers and deepening the kiss. He still wasn’t confident with his tongue, but Sousuke didn’t seem to mind, letting him run it against the roof of his mouth, the tip of his lips.

 

Sousuke massaged at the back of his neck, causing breathless moans as they kissed. Rin swung a leg over Sousuke’s thigh before pushing up, keeping his head close, not wanting to break away from the other. They moved in sync, turning until Rin was on his lap and dragging his lips against Sousuke’s jaw. They were tense for a moment, Rin gazing at the tanned flesh of Sousuke’s cheek and wondering how far he wanted to take things.

 

His body answered for him, drawn to licking and sucking a trail along Sousuke’s jaw. Sousuke’s once steady breaths became erratic, a hitch and a moan as Rin sucked gently behind his ear. Rin shivered, warmth building up in his chest and stomach. Sousuke pushed himself up onto his elbows and Rin sat up, wondering if something was wrong until Sousuke followed him. His hands settling on his hips as he kissed Rin’s lips and jaw, mirroring Rin’s previous motions.

 

“Sousuke,” Rin whispered, leaning away to expose himself more as his hands went for the hem of Sousuke’s shirt. He dragged the fabric up his chest, wondering if it was alright to take it off. Sousuke’s hands left Rin’s hips and he pulled back, tugging his shirt over his head and tossing it to the side. Rin’s eyes were full of taut muscle, tense and flinching away from Rin’s cold fingers as he found himself longing to touch.

 

They looked at each other, Sousuke not bothering to go back to what he was doing, but instead choosing to watch Rin. His gaze was soft, questioning, maybe a little expectant. Rin felt tense, his pants uncomfortable, the room hotter than it should be. He placed a hand on Sousuke’s good shoulder, and a kiss on the other, skin bare and brace absent.

 

“Lie down,” Rin mumbled against the skin, a thrill running through him as Sousuke lowered himself back onto the bed. Touching suddenly wasn’t enough, not nearly enough. Rin had but a moment of hesitation before he leaned down to kiss a trail from Sousuke’s shoulder to his collarbone. His hands worked together, running up and down Sousuke’s waist, fingers following the edge of his pectorals.

 

Rin kissed lower, pausing a moment against Sousuke’s heart, lips soft against his chest. A little disappointed he couldn’t hear Sousuke’s heartbeat over his own pulse thumping in his ears, but he continued on. When he reached Sousuke’s nipple he pulled back, not wanting to do anything the other wasn’t comfortable with. Still, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up just remembering how Sousuke reacted before, and he wanted to see what would happen. Rin looked up to Sousuke, wanting to know what his thoughts about it. Sousuke was watching him, head held up in an awkward and strained manner. Rin’s breath left him in a shudder, hot under the gaze of Sousuke’s wide eyes.

 

“Put another pillow behind your head,” Rin said, swallowing as he looked away, grabbing his pillow and pulling it towards him. Sousuke shoved the thing under his head, now at a comfortable angle to watch him. Rin’s nose and ears tingled as he thought about it.

 

Not wanting to waste any more time he kissed the area around the dark skin, heart pounding in his chest as he slid his lips over to the raised skin. He let his fingers come to touch, feeling it harden under his lips and thumb as he rubbed at it, pushing it against his lips for a kiss. It was a strange sensation, but he didn’t mind it, not when Sousuke’s chest rose so high his nose bumped against the skin. He moved his hand to the center of Sousuke’s torso, trying to keep him steady as he took his first taste. It’s texture and shape odd under the gentle pressure of his tongue, but the thought of what he was doing had enough power in itself to have him grinding his crotch against Sousuke.

 

Rin gave it another kitten lick before sucking on the nub, jumping in his skin when he felt Sousuke’s hand reach for the back of his head. The grip wasn’t hard, it was loose and unsure, there for a second before moving to his shoulder. Rin grabbed the hand, placing it back on his head. His embarrassment flaring up for a moment, comforted when Sousuke’s fingers wound their way through his hair, still so gentle as Rin licked and sucked at sensitive flesh.

 

Rin gave one last open mouth kissed before moving to the other, eyes always searching for Sousuke’s, seeking reassurance. His hand went to his crotch on instinct when he saw Sousuke’s lip trapped between his teeth, his ears and nose a bright red, and his eyes so impossibly dark. Rin bowed his head, closing his eyes and kissing Sousuke’s chest. Nothing could express how grateful he was that he was the same, they were the same.

 

They were both embarrassed and turned on, and there was no need to worry.

 

“Rin,” Sousuke said, one hand reaching for his tank top and pulling it up. Rin helped him take it off, not able to look him the eye he focused his attention back on the stiff nipple below him, it's dark brown now tinted with red. Licking and sucking with more confidence, he didn't jump when Sousuke’s hands grabbed at his back and his hair. Sousuke slid his leg up and Rin froze, finally getting a good feel of Sousuke’s hardening length against his outer thigh.

 

“How—how far were you planning on going?” Rin asked, getting up on his hands and knees. Sousuke looked dazed and confused for a moment before his face relaxed. Rin admired the way his hair sat against the pillow, how he had pushed back his short bangs, making them a mess lying against his forehead.

 

“As far as you wanted, I guess,” he answered, a breathlessness to his voice that wasn't there before. “Well, if you wanted to do anything serious without us knowing what we were doing I would have stopped you.”

 

“Would you now,” Rin said with a smile, a shaky breath leaving him. “Okay, okay. Just a little more then—can I touch you?”

 

Rin let his hand rest against the dip of Sousuke’s crotch, just out of range should Sousuke be bothered by it. His ears were ringing, the pounding of his heart feeling like it would break out of his chest. Sousuke didn’t say anything, watching him before he reached up to the back of Rin’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss.

 

“Yeah, of course,” he whispered into his ear, warm, calloused hands wandering the expanse of his back. Rin arched under the touch, their crotches unbearably close as he let his legs give out. “Can I touch you too?

 

“Yeah,” Rin breathed, closing his eyes.

 

Rin’s hand trailed down Sousuke’s chest and dipped below his waistband. Sousuke’s hand did the same, and in time with each other they let their knuckles brush along the bare skin of their shafts. Sousuke sucked in a deep breath and Rin’s eyes flew open, trying best to look down between them. Sousuke propped himself up on one arm, jostling Rin out of his position, causing him to sit up.

 

“I want to see,” Sousuke said, looking up at Rin and Rin nodded on instinct. He sat up pulling Rin’s sweatpants and underwear away inch by inch. His dick throbbed under the slow release of pressure, his brain going numb before remembering Sousuke’s own situation.

 

“Wait—wait you too,” Rin said, grabbing at his pants and sliding it down.

 

Rin couldn’t breathe when it was finally out, proudly standing in front of him. His self-consciousness and embarrassment squeezed his heart and stole air from his lungs, feeling maybe he wasn’t ready until Sousuke’s face appeared in front of him, a kiss against his cheek. Rin held onto Sousuke’s shoulders for a second, trying to steady himself before laughing.

 

“This is a little weird,” Rin said. Sousuke nodded, laughing against Rin’s neck.

 

“It is, isn’t it? Come on, let’s get these off,” Sousuke said, hands reaching for Rin’s pants. Rin got up onto his knees and they worked together to get rid of them. Sousuke pushed up on his legs and hands, letting Rin slide his own pants away from his ass and down to his thighs before he kicked them off.

 

“That might be a little better,” Rin admitted, uncomfortable chuckles escaping his lips as he kept his eyes on the bed behind Sousuke. His throat felt tight, and the warm feeling in his chest wavered.

 

“You’re beautiful.”

 

“What?” Rin asked, pulling back and looking at Sousuke. Sousuke was look at his face, before his eyes dropped, running over his body. Rin tensed up, going stiff under his gaze. “What do you mean?”

 

“I mean you’re beautiful,” Sousuke said with a shrug, as though it was something obvious. “And thank you for letting me see all of you.”

 

Sousuke’s eyes returned to Rin’s and his heart stopped. He let out a unsteady laugh, shaken by Sousuke’s words as he felt the weight of them. Sousuke meant more than just that moment. Rin rubbed the back of his neck before leaning in, hugging Sousuke close. A moment passed in silence, the two of them hugging each other and Rin finding himself incredibly grateful for being there with Sousuke.

 

“Is—is it okay if we stop here for today?” Rin whispered.

 

“Yeah, of course,” Sousuke answered, kissing him. “Want to get our clothes?”

 

“Not just yet,” Rin mumbled, digging his face into the crook of Sousuke’s neck. “Just a little longer like this.”

 

“Alright.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE!!! I said Monday but I had some extra time today lol hopefully I’ll see you all again next week, but I’m still super behind so I might take the week off to catch up... if there will be anything posted it Will happen on Sunday! If not I’ll see you all the week after!

Rin sighed, resting his head against his desk as he watched Sousuke interact with the other third years. They were all prodding him about some local girl who had called him out the other day. It wasn’t really anything, didn’t mean anything serious. She just thought he was handsome, which he was, and asked for his number, but some of their classmates had been out in town as well and saw it happen. Ever since they had been pestering him nonstop about her, if she asked him out, why he’d say no to her number, etcetera.

The girl hadn’t bothered Rin much, if he was honest. There was no need to worry, really, Sousuke made it explicitly clear. Besides, he admired people who could put themselves out there like that. He was, however, bothered by the incessant interrogations the past two days. At first they were just bugging him to introduce them to other girls, because surely he knew some. After that it led to questions about his “conquests” in Tokyo, why he was such a tight ass for never going out with any girls when he surely had only the best choices, and the quiet rumors about how he was faithful to some older woman he met in Tokyo.

Rin honestly didn’t know where that last one came from. He was maybe a little surprised, or not, that despite being in an all-boys boarding school not a single whisper of people thinking Sousuke was gay came out. Rin had heard many rumors about that when it came to others, once or twice even he had been in that spotlight, but somewhere in the middle of second year he stopped hearing anything like that.

He got up, tired of waiting and ready to go back to the dorm to relax before studying. With no practice but some pretty big tests coming up there was no time to waste. Sousuke seemed to be growing more and more irritated as it went on as well. Rin didn’t have to walk very far, it seemed that just removing himself from his desk had caught Sousuke’s attention and he was waving the rest of them off, leaving mid-conversation.

“You’re really going to piss them off if you keep that up,” Rin warned, though he smirked as they left the classroom.

“They’re pissing me off,” Sousuke said, rolling his neck and shoulders. “Did you enjoy the show?

“No, not really,” he mumbled, shaking his head a little. “I didn’t really mean to just sit and watch, I was just thinking about some stuff.”

“Want to tell me about it?” Sousuke asked, genuine concern lacing his voice as he glanced at him. Rin’s hand came up to his neck, fingers grazing the hairs there before he pulled back and nodded.

“When we get back,” Rin promised.

The rest of the walk was silent, nothing crazy as they passed out of the school and to the dorms. It was even a little too quiet, no loud or boisterous underclassmen running around. Not even a glimpse of Momo who you could almost always count on being anywhere and everywhere at all times. It set Rin’s nerves on end, but he tried to ignore it. A part of him wished he could take advantage of the absence of any human presence. His hand itched to reach for Sousuke’s, but he held the feeling in.

When he let out a breath of relief when they reached their room they were both surprised, Sousuke just looking at him without saying a word, a tentative frown on as he opened the door and they went inside. When the door was closed behind Rin hit the bed, not bothering to take off anything like he normally would.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. Before I was just thinking about how unfair it is that I haven’t heard a single gay rumor about you,” Rin admitted, sitting up and taking off his school uniform.

“A what?” Sousuke asked, already taking off his and hanging it up.

“You know, like no one accusing you of being gay. It’s pretty common, especially in a boys’ dormitory, but I haven’t even heard an insinuation that you were anything but straight,” he complained, though there was little emotion in his voice. It wasn’t as if he wanted people to say things like that, or that he was blaming Sousuke, but somehow it just felt so incredibly unfair.

“What does it matter? Were there rumors like that about you?”

Sousuke sat down on the edge of the bed, finally changed into sweats and a t-shirt. Rin looked at the floor and shrugged, not wanting to make it a big deal. After a second he got up to put away his uniform.

“It doesn’t really matter I guess. Actually,” Rin mused, turning to look at Sousuke. “Now that I think about it, I never really asked you if you were straight or not. I haven’t even come out to you, have I?”

“You don’t really need to though,” Sousuke pointed out. “Do you want to?”

“Seems kind of silly if I don’t when we’ve already gone this far,” Rin mumbled. He finished putting away his uniform and getting dressed in casual clothes before getting back on the bed, crawling in further and pulling a pillow onto his lap. Sousuke pushed himself back until they were both against the wall, legs out in front of them.

“I’m not straight, to answer your question,” Sousuke said after a second. Rin peeked at him through his bangs. “Or at least, I wouldn’t think so.”

“So what are you?” Rin pulled up his legs, leaning against his knees. Sousuke made a funny face then, kind of like a grimace but too soft, a little wobbly and unsure.

“Well, I don’t really know. I’ve only liked you.”

“Oh,” Rin said, not knowing what else there was to say. “Not even like aesthetically? You said you weren’t into sex so like—no one turns you on or like—wait do I turn you on?”

“What,” Sousuke choked, face going white and ears going red. “I guess? I mean I guess you do. And no, no one else has interested me like that.”

“Oh, okay that’s good,” Rin mumbled into his pillow, hiding his face in his own embarrassment. “I’m like, gay or whatever, probably.”

“Probably?”

“Well, like there were a few girls I thought were good looking back in the day, but I don’t really feel it like I do with guys. And the emotional connection isn’t really there with them, but we also weren't really friends, and I don't know if that changes things. So, probably,” Rin confessed, moving his head just enough to look at Sousuke for his reaction. Sousuke didn’t seem bothered, he was just looking at him with that goofy sweet look of his.

“Well, thanks for telling me,” Sousuke said after a pause. Rin laughed into his pillow before sitting back up.

“Yeah, same here,” he hummed. Rin looked over Sousuke, admiring his soft face when it was so strong. From his eyebrows to his lips to his chin. Everything was perfect, and so easily intimidating, and yet so soft there in front of him then. So gentle with him, always, and it had nothing to do with anything other than the fact that Sousuke really cherished him.

He was really loved.

“Something else on your mind?” Sousuke asked, brow lifting and a frown on his lips. Rin laughed, leaning in to steal a kiss, resting his forehead against Sousuke’s. Sousuke’s eyes drooped, face relaxing in seconds.

“We have to study.”

“And here I thought you were going to say something sweet,” Sousuke chuckled, Rin feeling it with each puff of breath. His lips curled into a smile, giving him another kiss.

“And I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They haven’t gotten there quite yet BUT THEY’RE MAKING SERIOUS PROGRESS!!!

There was a point in time that Rin purposefully kept his eyes focused on what was in front of him when he was in the showers. It was painful, trying to strain his eyes away from the bodies he didn’t feel he had the right to even glance at in passing. He never thought of looking at someone with those kinds of eyes, but somehow even the knowledge that he could made him feel too guilty to look at others after swimming.

 

As time went on Rin realized that he didn’t have to keep his eyes so trained, so careful. Maybe in middle school the fear of springing a boner at any slight stimulation, whether physical or mental, was a constant problem and worry, but high school was different. It wasn’t like he got a raging hardon by any wet and naked guy he saw, they were mostly naked in the pool anyways. No, he had no problem after settling nerves, paying attention to where he was going or looking at someone who talked to him was no longer an issue, even if they were stark naked. Besides, it wasn’t even like he wanted to look at most of them.

 

He did, however, have a problem with Sousuke. Since first he arrived Rin found himself fixing his eyes on the tiled walls, not letting them run freely until he was inside a stall and free from accidently laying eyes on him. Often Rin would work a little quicker to get himself out of the shower and dressed before Sousuke so much as rinsed off his soap. He wanted to be out of the locker room and away from anything potentially dangerous.

 

It wasn’t as though he thought he would pop a boner right then and there, but the dryness of his throat and the heat in his stomach and cheeks warned him it was best not to test that.

 

Still, they were dating, and they had already been naked in front of each other once before, albeit it was awkward and uncomfortable due to his own problems. Sousuke seemed much more calm, however, and Rin didn’t doubt that the other would consent to him taking a peek, it wasn’t like he would do something crazy in public. He just wanted a look at him without feeling so exposed himself. He wanted to see Sousuke for himself, instead of seeing bits and pieces marred by his own anxieties and doubts.

 

So Rin stayed back, not exactly surprised when he found the rest of the room clearing out. Still, Sousuke was hardly the last one out of the shower, even if he was rather leisure about it he didn’t like making him wait too long. But once the last of the first-years were out of the room he began to worry.

 

“Sousuke?” he called out, walking into the showers and seeing one still running with water. He got close enough that he could see the warped colors of his hair and skin through the foggy white shower curtain.

 

“Sousuke?” He called again, stepping back when the shower was turned off and the curtain pulled back.

 

Sousuke was standing there rubbing his eyes with one hand and Rin’s heart stopped and his eyes dropped to his shoulder. On the surface it was fine, the skin did not look aggravated, no red or bruising purple. Rin glanced back up at the other and saw that it was not because he was crying or in pain, but he looked tired. Sleepy, rubbing his eyes like a child, with one hand wrapped around a towel he had yet to use.

 

“What are you doing here?” Sousuke asked, finally looking at Rin and drying himself off with his towel. Rin’s gaze had slowly descended the other, stuck for a second before looking back up to Sousuke’s eyes, face ablaze.

 

“You were taking a long time. Hurry up let’s go,” he croaked, spinning on his heels and walking straight out of the locker room.

 

After a few minutes of Rin impatiently tapping his fingers against his thigh he was sure he would have to go in again to see if the other had fallen asleep, but Sousuke appeared. Without a word they started for the dorm, finding a comfortable pace between them. Rin timed his breathes to calm the blood in his cheeks, it’s not as though he had planned to really ogle Sousuke in such a public place.

 

“Is something wrong?”

 

“Huh?” Rin glanced up at Sousuke and tried to a crack a smile. “No, not really. Nothing serious, but I’ll tell you when we get to our room.”

 

“Alright,” Sousuke said, though suspicion was clear in his voice as he looked ahead. Rin took a deep breath and kept his mind on what was ahead.

 

It took them a little to get back to their room, being stopped by a few of their underclassmen for approval of training regiments. With each paper he was handed Rin felt himself growing more agitated, more anxious, more sensitive to Sousuke by his side. He just felt too much, and he needed to be behind the safety of their dorm room walls. When he had finally thrown open the door and stepped inside he felt his heart calm down. It wasn’t until he looked back at Sousuke that he realized he had been exposed.

 

“Something is wrong,” Sousuke said after he entered the room, blocking the door off from Rin as if he thought he’d try and escape. “Tell the truth.”

 

Rin squirmed under his gaze for a moment before he gave in. With a shaky sigh he stepped forward, reaching around Sousuke and locking the door, watching him through his lashes. He didn’t want to say something so embarrassing, but it was Sousuke.

 

It was Sousuke.

 

“I just think I want to see you again,” Rin admitted, looking down at Sousuke’s uniform. “All of you, I mean.”

 

“You want to—oh. Oh,” Sousuke mumbled, a hand coming up to the back of his neck. “Right now?”

 

“Is that okay?” Rin asked, trying to steel his nerves and the hopefulness in his voice.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“So,” Sousuke continued, shifting his weight and letting his arm drop. “Do you want me to just strip?”

 

“Yeah,” Rin squeaked, stepping back. “But, uh, maybe not right here at the door.”

 

“Yeah,” Sousuke mumbled, grabbing his hand.

 

Rin walked them back to the bed, though neither sat down. Rin looked at Sousuke for a moment more before Sousuke started to take off his uniform jacket. Rin watched, feeling like he was too close and too far. When Sousuke pulled off his shirt his heart began to pick up. He felt like he should help, his hands uselessly in the air around Sousuke, wondering what to do. Sousuke looked at Rin a moment before unbuckling his belt and undoing his pants.

 

Rin’s hands shot out then, holding Sousuke’s wrists for a moment before looking up.

 

“Do you want me to stop?”

 

“No,” Rin choked, shaking his head. “I don’t know why I stopped you actually. Just nervous I guess.”

 

Sousuke didn’t stay a word as Rin let go of his wrists, just continuing what he was doing, though slower. When he pushed his pants down they fell most of the rest of the way and he bent down to pull his feet out of the legs. Rin pushed it to the side as Sousuke pulled off his socks and tossed them to the growing pile of clothes on the floor.

 

All that was left was Sousuke’s underwear, black boxerbriefs clinging to his body. Rin could see the outline of his dick, not sure how he felt about that though it brought a fire to his face and arms. There was a moment of pause, the air thick and stagnant. Rin looked up at Sousuke but he was already bending down, peeling off the last piece separating his naked form from Rin’s curious eyes.

 

Rin held his breath when he stood up, eyes dropping to his crotch and feeling a knot in his stomach. He felt a strange cocktail of relief from seeing Sousuke was not as intimidating as his height, that they might even be close in size, mortification that he was standing there unabashedly staring at his best friend’s junk, and curiosity as to how Sousuke could just be so okay with this.

 

The last bit caught the majority of his attention, gaze traveling up Sousuke’s fine toned body to the stern frown on his face. When Sousuke noticed his gaze he looked into his eyes and Rin’s hands twitched. “How are you so okay with this, Sousuke? How can you be so sure about yourself?”

 

“What!?” Sousuke sputtered, a look of disbelief on his face. “Do I really look like that?”

 

“You don’t really look that embarrassed,” Rin whispered, shrinking under the questions. Sousuke grabbed his hands, lacing their fingers.

 

“I am, but it’s for you. If this is what you want, or what you need then I’ll do it,” he answered, looking away for a moment. It was in that second Rin saw the cherry red of his ear, traveling some ways down his neck. “Of course it’s embarrassing standing here naked like this, but you—you looked like this was important. So, did it help, or something?”

 

“Yeah,” Rin breathed, heart throbbing as he wrapped his arms around Sousuke’s neck, pulling him into a hug. “Yeah, thank you.”

 

Sousuke hugged him close, breathing in and kissing his cheek. Rin turned his head, only getting a glimpse of the other before their lips met. Rin pulled his hands back to himself, trying to take off his jacket as they kissed. He felt Sousuke’s hands on his shoulders, helping him push the it off and hearing the heavy fabric drop to the floor. Rin broke their kiss to take off his own undershirt, stopping for a moment as it was over his head, heart unsteady before throwing it off.

 

“You okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Rin said, unbuckling his pants and pushing them off with his underwear in one swoop. Before he could let his nerves get the best of him he pressed himself against Sousuke, breath escaping him at the feeling. Both of their hands went to hold onto each other’s arms, steadying themselves. Rin let his eyes close, pressing closer and kissing Sousuke’s shoulder.

 

The heat of Sousuke’s chest drew more attention than anything else, a satisfying and warm heat, the heat he felt when Sousuke was trying to calm him. He let his hands’ grip loosen, winding his arms through Sousuke’s, roaming his back before holding him closer. His heart stuttered at the friction of their bare crotches together as they shifted, Sousuke’s unsure hands finding themselves around him, holding him close.

 

Rin pulled away first, a courage in his heart as he held Sousuke at arm’s length, taking in Sousuke’s confusion and blind love for him. He pulled Sousuke to the bed, feeling a little silly, but managing to smile when Sousuke followed like a lost puppy. He felt so unready, but something told him he was fine. They were fine.

 

“I love you,” he whispered, finding it to be the only thing he could say in that moment. Sousuke’s face lit up with a light Rin rarely saw, a smile forming on his own lips as they pulled together like magnets.

 

The taste of Sousuke’s smile, the warm hands roaming his sides, stroking his cheek as they kissed. Their needs felt like an afterthought for a time, just touching each other, kissing each other. Rin’s hands roamed the wide open space he was offered. The knobs of his spine, the base of his neck, the curve of his shoulder blade, the dip of his back. Everything was open to him, offered to him.

 

They rocked together in time with their caresses, sweet shots of electricity pulsating through their bodies. Pre-cum already beading up, too overstimulated by their sweet touching. Rin’s fingers found themselves feeling the heat of Sousuke’s ears, a grin making its way to his face as he turned his head, Sousuke’s kisses hitting his cheek instead. A chuckle bubbling out of his mouth as he heard Sousuke grunt in disappointment.

 

“Is it supposed to be like this?” Rin giggled, a tear in his eye though he wasn’t laughing hard enough to warrant one. He felt his hands shaking and pressed them flat against Sousuke’s back, holding him closer, holding himself still. “Is it alright like this?”

 

“Why not?” Sousuke asked, propping himself up on his arms. “Are you okay with this?”

 

“I am it’s just—is it really this easy?” Rin said, another tear coming up even though he wasn’t laughing. His smile wobbled and he ran a hand through Sousuke’s hair.

 

“Does it have to be difficult?” Sousuke asked with an amused look despite his frown. “It’s okay to be happy, Rin.”

 

“Yeah,” Rin agreed, pulling Sousuke down for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SERIOUS PROGRESS BEING MADE!!! I hope everyone enjoys and I’ll see everyone next Sunday~ (if not then, Monday for sure!)

The giddiness in his heart ran from the tips of his fingers to the tips of his toes. He wasn’t sure what it was that made him so excited, but he shivered, hairs standing up as he crawled on top of his boyfriend. A tanned hand picked up the magazine covering his face, looking up at Rin with a question in the arch of his brow. Rin took the magazine from him, throwing it to the floor, fingers tapping against his thighs as he settled down on his boyfriend’s lap.

 

“Hello?” Sousuke said, propping himself up on his arms. “What’s this all about?”

 

Rin shrugged, though his lips curled up as he took a deep breath, exhaling through his nose as he grabbed his pillow and his blankets and stuffed them underneath Sousuke. Sousuke played along, moving to help Rin make a pile of their bedding to support him. When they finished Sousuke relaxed into the soft mush of their comforter, hair being pushed at odd angles against the dips of the fabric.

 

“You going to tell me what’s going on? You seemed kind of, I don’t know, bouncy today,” Sousuke said, an amused smirk on, his hands settling on Rin’s legs. His fingers splayed across his thighs, warm palms setting fire to the skin under his jeans.

 

“Bouncy?” Rin frowned though he couldn’t stop his laugh. “What the hell does that mean?”

 

“I don’t know, this,” Sousuke said, grabbing Rin’s ankle. Rin stopped, finally noticing he was shaking his leg a little. “What’s with all this energy? Momo didn’t make you drink anything weird, did he?”

 

“No,” Rin scoffed. “Stop ruining this.”

 

“I don’t even know what I’m ruining,” Sousuke said, voice trailing off as Rin leaned down.

 

Rin’s hair fell forward like a veil, a curtain between them and the rest of the world. Sousuke’s eyes that at first were wide and lost became dark and focused, sending a thrill running up Rin’s spine as he leaned forward and captured his bottom lip. Sousuke’s lids dropped, a mere sliver left for him to watch the other with. Rin pulled at his lip before kissing the corner of his lips, a quirk in his own smile as Sousuke’s hands traveled up his sides and settled there.

 

Rin let his eyes close as his lips met Sousuke’s, dry and soft, melding together in such a gentle way Rin’s body shook from keeping the pressure light. Sousuke’s arms wrapped around him, pulling him down, welcoming Rin’s collapse as he let his full weight rest against Sousuke. The fabric of his pants too thin and too thick as his legs slid against Sousuke’s. Rin cradled Sousuke’s cheek, titling his head to deepen their kisses.

 

Warm, calloused hands slipped under his shirt, hot paths left in their wake as they worked up his back. Rin arched, pressing his chest closer to Sousuke as he pulled back, a little breathless. Sousuke turned his head, kissing the palm of Rin’s hand, eyes still focused on him. Rin shivered, thumb caressing Sousuke’s lips before Sousuke pulled it into his mouth, somewhere between an open mouth kiss and a light suck. Rin’s hand snapped back to him, eyes wide and cheeks flushed.

 

“Bad?” Sousuke asked, relaxing back again, facing him. Rin leaned down, kissing along his neck. When he reached the shell of his ear he brushed it with his mouth.

 

“Maybe too good, actually,” Rin whispered. Sousuke’s body twitched. “Try it again later?”

 

“O—okay,” Sousuke gulped, a smirk breaking out on Rin’s face as he kissed and sucked down Sousuke’s neck. Trying something a little bolder, Rin shifted his weight, rolling his hips against Sousuke’s. The heat between them growing, but somehow not enough.

 

Sousuke pushed back, lifting up his hips to meet Rin’s as they began to grind against each other, picking up their pace as the restricting fabric of their pants seemed to be holding them back. Sousuke’s hands made their way to Rin’s ass, trying to pull him down harder and Rin jerked back, more surprised than anything.

 

“Not enough?” Rin asked, voice shaky in his own ears. Sousuke shook his head before letting go and spreading his legs. Rin yelped, legs getting pushed out too far, falling for a second before he placed his legs within the space Sousuke had created on instinct, trying to keep himself balanced. “What are you—Oh.”

 

Rin groaned as Sousuke’s grip on his ass propped him forward, Sousuke’s hips meeting half way as they ground together. Rin’s head fell to Sousuke’s shoulder, Sousuke’s head falling back. “Much better.”

 

“Yeah,” Rin agreed, marveling in how Sousuke’s warm thighs trapped him. Rin rolled his hips, eyes shut tight and mouth panting as he realized how much hotter the sensation was, the stretch of his pants no longer blocking it out. Still, it was too little, he wanted to feel it better, feel the heat of Sousuke’s skin against his.

 

Sousuke’s hands slipped into Rin’s back pockets, pulling Rin in time with his thrust, dragging their clothed needs together. Rin looked down at them, licking his lips as he saw the thin strip of skin showing from Sousuke’s shirt getting pushed up.  His hands moved on his own, sitting back as he yanked it up and to Sousuke’s armpits. Sousuke let go of him for a moment, pulling it off the rest of the way. Rin pulled off his own shirt, seeing in Sousuke’s eyes the question. His hair got in his face but he pushed it back.

 

Sousuke grunted, an arm coming up to cover his eyes as he grabbed Rin’s hand, placing it just below his chest. “So you do like it,” Rin mused aloud, only feeling a little guilty when Sousuke crossed his arms over his eyes.

 

“I hope you do, I like it,” he added, taking handfuls of muscle, thumbs running across pert nipples. Sousuke didn’t respond, but he did let down a hand to rest on the back of his head as Rin leaned down and kissed a dark nub. Rin flattened his tongue against it before capturing it between his lips.

 

Rolling between his lips and giving a gentle suck, Rin’s eyes flicked up to Sousuke, pressing his crotch down against him as he saw Sousuke was watching him again. He focused his attention back to the swollen nipple under his lips, backing off and blowing air on it. Sousuke’s chest shook, flinching away as it cooled his wet chest. Rin dragged his lips down further, away from his nipple and to the soft, fleshy curve of his pectoral.

 

Rin watched Sousuke as he grazed his teeth against the skin, so light the other shivered, goosebumps erupting on his skin. Sousuke said nothing, just watching him, lifting his arm a little to get a better look. Rin took a chunk into his mouth, jaw soft, careful not to her the skin. He let it go and kissed the spot, licking at it, wondering if it was okay, if Sousuke was okay with him taking a bite.

 

Thinking it better to try another time Rin moved back up to capture Sousuke’s nipple between his teeth, just as gentle if not more so. Sousuke’s grip on his hair tightened, not enough to hurt. Rin tugged at it, looking at Sousuke for signs that he should stop. Sousuke’s eyes were shut tight, his lip caught between his teeth. Rin squeezed the other nipple between his finger and thumb, giving it apologetic kisses and licks when Sousuke jumped, unprepared.

 

Sousuke grabbed Rin’s chin, pulling him up for a kiss, the hand in his hair massaging gently at his neck as opened his mouth for Rin. Rin dipped his tongue in, the sensation of Sousuke’s warm and inviting mouth as sweet as he could wish for. When the hand on the back of his head left and instead was pulling his thighs closer, so close the curve of Sousuke’s ass was firmly pressed against him he broke free, breath stuttering.

 

“Take them off?” Rin asked, Sousuke already unbuckling his own pants. Rin unbuttoned his, pulling down the zipper and pushing up on his knees, forgetting Sousuke was nearly fully seated on his lap. Both of them a little surprised as Sousuke found himself being lifted off the bed. Rin started laughing first, Sousuke letting out a few stray chuckles as he sat back down and scooted back, allowing them both to pull of their pants.

 

Rin returned to his spot, the thin fabric of their underwear doing nothing to hide their arousal or shield the sensations that violent shook Rin’s frame. He bowed his head, kissing at Sousuke’s chest and working down, the bend of his back awkward but the little ways Sousuke would try to move to increase their touching worth it. The hands on his back massaging and pulling his muscles as, Sousuke’s abs trembling underneath his open kisses.

 

Making a path from Sousuke’s arm to his waist Rin pressed his palm at the base of his cock, sitting up and pushing his hair back. Before he had time to say something Sousuke was already twisting, reaching for the few hair ties on the floor next to the head of the bed, left there in case any were lost in the middle of the night. Rin grabbed the black band from him, pulling his hair up off his neck, sweat holding down the small hairs.

 

“Why are you so good looking?” Sousuke mumbled, voice stuck somewhere between complaining and admiration. Rin made a face, laughing at his boyfriend’s stupidity.

 

“I could say the same about you,” Rin said as he fingered at the elastic of Sousuke’s boxerbriefs. “Is it okay if I take this off?”

 

“Isn’t that why you didn’t have me take it off with my pants?” Sousuke teased, nodding his head. “I want to take off yours, too.”

 

Rin rolled his eyes, though his heart was beating faster than a hummingbird’s as he dipped his fingers below the band, he slid his hands around to Sousuke’s ass, grabbing as much of it as he could. Sousuke pushed off the bed and closer to Rin, letting his hands push the fabric down as he messaged there, Sousuke’s legs shaking as he kept himself in the air before Rin finally slipped it off and onto his thighs.

 

Sousuke’s legs gave out and he sat back in Rin’s lap, a coy smirk on as Rin looked for help getting it off the rest of the way. Rin grabbed his legs, hiking them up, nearly choking when Sousuke moved them to rest on his shoulders.

 

“This was not how I was expecting this to go,” Rin spluttered, red all over as he lifted Sousuke’s underwear up, pressing his leg forward and slipping one leg out of whole before throwing them both off.

 

“How did you want it to go?” Sousuke asked as he kicked his underwear off the other leg and sat up, stealing a kiss as his hands slid down Rin’s sides and to his ass.

 

“Don’t remember,” Rin choked, sitting up a little as Sousuke did the same. His fingers spread wide, massaging the tender and soft muscle before sliding his underwear down to his knees. Rin balanced himself on one hand, lifting his knee up and kissing Sousuke as he pulled it further out of the way. They lost balance for a second as Rin got his knee out of the second, Rin leaning too far into the kiss.

 

They fell back and groaned, Sousuke cursing under his breath as their lengths rubbed against each other. Rin bit his lip so hard he thought it’d bleed, the sweat on their skin not so much a bother as it was a turn on. Rin caught glimpse of Sousuke’s hair sticking to his neck kissed it before getting up on his arms, trying to kick off his underwear. Sousuke helped pushing it off with his own foot, dragging it low enough that Rin could get out without stretching it.

 

As soon as he was free Rin was diving in for a kiss, rolling his hips against Sousuke’s and groaning at the friction as they slid together. Sousuke was already panting, a hand coming down and wrapping around Rin. He moaned, bring his own fist up to bite into as he began to pump him, trying to keep his voice down.

 

“Don’t do that,” Sousuke whispered into his ear. “Don’t bite yourself.”

 

Rin shuddered, rearing back, hand shooting to Sousuke’s, stilling his movement. Sousuke looked at him in shock but he couldn’t find words to tell him that if he kept pulling stuff like that he was going to cum in a second. Catching his breath Rin let go, Sousuke’s hand leaving him, the same worried expression on as before.

 

“I don’t want this to end that quick,” Rin said, grabbing Sousuke for the first time.

 

“What?” Sousuke asked, question swallowed up by Rin as he kissed him. He was hot and heavy in his hand, the sensation strange but reassuring. He tugged at him, relishing in the sound of Sousuke’s gasp between their kisses as he got bolder.

 

“Wait,” Sousuke breathed, turning away. “Rin stop I’m going to—to!”

 

“Really?” Rin continued, bringing his hips down, trying to wrap his hand around the two of them the best he could. “Me too—just before.”

 

Sousuke’s blown eyes stared at him before his hand joined, fingers overlapping with Rin’s as they pumped together, timing off but delicious and too much as they kissed. Wet lips and sweat, moaning into each other’s mouths. Rin lost his voice as he came, toes digging into the bed, pushing up and against Sousuke as the other’s back arched, thighs squeezing his sides as air left him.

 

They laid in a stupor, hot and dazed as the felt the stickiness caught between them and their lengths soften. Rin was the first to move, placing lazy kisses against Sousuke’s shoulder and neck, trying to convey the euphoria he felt. Sousuke’s free hand came to the middle of Rin’s back, holding him for a moment before slipping down to his arm.

 

The air around them began to chill their naked bodies, sweat and cum making them uncomfortable. Rin sat up, surprised as Sousuke followed after him, placing a firm and chaste kiss against his lips. When their lips parted their foreheads knocked together, hearts and breath calming as they looked at each other’s lips.

 

“We should probably get cleaned up,” Rin said.

 

“Yeah,” Sousuke mumbled. “That was kind of amazing.”

 

“Yeah,” Rin agreed, no energy to laugh. “Yeah it was, wasn’t it?”

 

“Alright, let’s get cleaned up,” Sousuke said, pulling Rin back to him as he went to get up. “One more thing.”

 

“What?” Rin asked, looking at him, a smile breaking out as Sousuke looked at him, expression so open and sweet. Sousuke picked up his hand, pressing his lips against Rin’s palm.

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too,” Rin whispered, leaning in for one more kiss.   

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys get a little breather, next update will be a very big one! See you all next Sunday!

The inky darkness of their room blinded Rin, shooting up in sleep, breathing uneven as he reached around in his bed, comforted when he felt the warm body squished up against the wall. He pulled his knees up, resting his arm and head against them while his other hand remained firm against Sousuke’s back. He closed his eyes and breathed in deep.

 

“What are you doing awake?”

 

Rin jumped, hand retracting from Sousuke as he turned to where he thought the other was. “Me? What about you?”

 

“I wake up sometimes,” Sousuke said, Rin feeling him shift though he could not see how. “You okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” Rin said, surprised as he felt his fear leaving him. “Bad dream.”

 

“Oh,” Sousuke said, and Rin uncurled himself, dropping back against the bed. “Want to talk about it?”

 

“I don’t really remember anyways,” he admitted. The darkness around them was deafening, Rin only hearing the echo of a question in his head. “How do you do it Sousuke?”

 

“Do what?”

 

"How do you not care about what other people think? How do I stop caring about how other people see me, like you do?" Rin asked, the fear from his dreams pouring out of his mouth.

 

“Where’d this all come from?”

 

“I was just thinking about it,” he lied. He didn’t want to worry Sousuke any further, didn’t want to tell him about how sometimes he had dreams of crowds of people knowing. Dreams of them being found out.

 

"I'm the wrong person to ask,” he said, voice low and soft.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Because I don't know how to stop caring,” Sousuke said, shifting up onto his other side, hand going out to touch Rin. “I never thought about what others think of me. The only opinion I've ever cared about is yours."

 

"Stupid,” Rin whispered, though he felt a little better.

 

"Yeah, maybe I am stupid," he continued. "But it's the truth. It doesn't matter how any of them see me, just you. It's only you I want to look good for, and that still got me into a lot of trouble."

 

Through the darkness he tried to look at Sousuke’s shoulder, feeling guilty for having said anything at all. He scooted forward, reaching out and surprised to touch Sousuke’s hair. He was much further down the bed than he thought, or maybe he was further up the bed, but that touch made Sousuke move. He slid against Rin, head resting against his chest and arm wrapping around his waist. Rin’s hand settled on the top of his head, carding through the short hair there and smiling to himself when he heard Sousuke’s content sigh.

 

“Anything else bothering you?” he mumbled into his chest. Rin shook his head, brushing the tips of his fingers against Sousuke’s forehead.

 

“No,” he said, tracing circles into the skin with his thumb. “Do you always wake up in the middle of the night?”

 

“Hm, yeah,” he yawned. “Just can’t sleep, it’s okay though.”

 

“I wonder why I didn’t notice,” Rin mumbled, dropping his hand to Sousuke’s shoulder.

 

“It’s good that you don’t, you should sleep,” Sousuke said. “You wake up early.”

 

“But I wake you up early too,” he grumbled, rubbing Sousuke’s back. “If I had known I wouldn’t have made you go on morning runs with me.”

 

“I like running with you.”

 

Rin stilled for a moment, curling around Sousuke and resting his chin against his head.

 

“Yeah, me too.”

 

~~~xx~~~

 

“Why are you here again?” Rin asked, shoving his phone in his pocket as he saw Nagisa standing outside the school gates. He walked up to the other, seeing him acting suspicious in that fake manner of his, like he was doing it on purpose. He opened his jacket and handed him a brown shopping bag with books and magazines inside.

 

“The research material you wanted Rin-chan!” Nagisa whispered, though it was as loud as his indoor voice. He motioned Rin forward with his hand. “I put covers on them, don’t worry. No one will know a thing!”

 

“You’re an idiot,” Rin choked, slapping the back of his head and looking into the bag. Sure enough the books had false covers, like math books and traveling magazines. “Why the hell did you bring them to me now!?”

 

“Because it was a good time!” Nagisa said, standing up straight and fixing his jacket. “I’m meeting up with my mom and auntie. I thought it’d be a good time to give you these!”

 

“Who said I wanted them!? I could have just read them at your place!” Rin hissed, looking around.

 

“That wouldn’t be good, you need to check back with them if you have questions! And Sou-chan should read them too! It’s very important stuff!” Nagisa chided, shaking his head.

 

“Take them back,” Rin ordered, but Nagisa was already backing away, hands in the air.

 

“Can’t make me Rin-chan! It’s for your own good!” Nagisa yelled, giving him a peace sign. “I have to go now but call me when you get a chance!”

 

“Nagisa!” Rin nearly yelled before standing up straight, seeing it was a lost cause. He stormed off, bag in hand. It was near a mad dash to his room before locking the door, seeing Sousuke’s surprise at how he threw the bag on his desk.

 

“Did something happen?” Sousuke asked, confused by Rin’s furious movements as he yanked out the books in his bag and opened them.

 

Rin’s movements slowed, opening up to see books with medical information instead of gaudy erotica. He opened up the magazines and was surprised to see the same. No gay mags, no porn, nothing. All of the items in the bag were medically accurate resources about homosexual sex. Rin’s face was hotter than an inferno as he realized what was in front of him, pulling out his phone to text Nagisa a quick thanks, and joking insult because he still couldn’t believe his friend brought this to him in public.

 

“What’s that?”

 

“Nothing,” Rin yelled, slapping the book he was looking at closed. Sousuke stood over him, looking even more curious and picking another book before Rin could stop him.

 

“World’s best vacation spots?” Sousuke asked, reading the cover before opening it up. His eyes went wide, color reached his ears as he stepped back, avoiding Rin’s grabbing hands. “Oh, so this is what happened.”

 

“Give it back!” Rin reached again, Sousuke only closing the book and lifting it above his head and back as Rin tried to grab it. They stood together, Rin mortified and angry at his boyfriend’s childishness. “You don’t need to look at that!”

 

“Why not?” Sousuke asked. “Nagisa gave this to you for a reason, right?”

 

“He—that’s not important,” Rin choked, at a loss for what to do.

 

“It is important,” Sousuke said, letting his arm drop, but Rin didn’t grab for the book. “You shouldn’t be the only one to know what’s going on.”

 

“It’s embarrassing,” Rin complained, grabbing the book, but Sousuke’s grip on it was strong. “Sousuke, come on.”

 

“Only if you promise we’ll read it together.”

 

“That’s even more embarrassing!”

 

“It’s not like you’re the only one who’s going to have to do anything,” Sousuke said, letting Rin take the book. Rin stood shocked, frown and furrowed brows as he looked at the ground. He didn’t know what to say. “We’re both new to it, so it’s not that embarrassing. We can learn together.”

 

“That’s still embarrassing,” he mumbled, turning from Sousuke and putting the book back on the table. “But fine. I guess—I guess it does make sense for us both to know. Just so you know this doesn’t mean we’re going to be doing anything anytime soon!”

 

“I wasn’t thinking that,” Sousuke said walking up to him. Rin glanced back Sousuke and saw that the other was looking at him. “It’s just like swimming.”

 

“Huh?” Rin mumbled, baffled by his boyfriend’s analogy.

 

“If you just jump in without knowing anything you could drowned. There’s an order to things,” Sousuke said with a shrug, though the embarrassment of what he was saying showed in the turn of his head. “It’s like learning anything new.”

 

“I,” Rin paused, looking back down at the books, “I suppose you’re right.”

 

“So, want me to read it to you or take turns?” Sousuke said, laughter in his voice as Rin turned around and gave him a light punch in the arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week is a three chapter update because I can’t leave anyone hanging where it is…

Embarrassing.

Embarrassing and gross and awkward and every synonym for those words was all Rin could think as he read over the passage of the book describing preparations for penetrative sex. He had been reading through everything Nagisa had given him very carefully, in order and not skipping around because he knew his friend wasn’t messing with him. He needed to know—wanted to know everything that happens and how it happens and why it happens, because maybe just a little part of him thought that if he understood it better he wouldn’t be quite as afraid.

Honestly, it did little in settling his fears, but it did make him feel a tiny bit better. A little more prepared for what he and Sousuke could possibly do in the future. Closing the book Rin sighed, pillowing his arms on his desk and resting there for a moment as he ran over the information again. He heard the sound of pages turning as Sousuke leafed through one of their sports magazines. Rin couldn’t stand having them read together so Sousuke always had to wait for him to be finished with the material.

It was weird, but he didn’t mind it as much as he thought he would. Though, when Sousuke tried reading it out loud he felt like he was going to pop a blood vessel from how red his face became. He had somehow convinced him that it was fine to read everything separate from each other as long as they were both getting the information, but Sousuke still would make him talk about what they read afterwards which was oddly and maybe even uncomfortably similar to school. Still, it was a lot better than having Sousuke read out some of the crazy things he found written in the informational pamphlets.

Rin sat up, opening up his desk drawer and shoving the book back as far as he could, covering it up with other things before standing up and walking over to his bed. He crawled in, no longer any hesitation in his movements as he curled around Sousuke’s side. Resting his head on his pillow instead of Sousuke’s chest, he threw his leg and arm over the other, pulling him close, watching how Sousuke shifted, getting comfortable.

Bringing up his fingers to trace along the lines of Sousuke’s lips and the curve of his nose to entertain himself he smiled. He saw Sousuke’s eyes flick to him before back to the magazine, a huff escaping him, the hint of a laugh as Rin traced his eyebrow.

“I can’t read when you do that you know,” he said, amusement in his voice. Rin hummed, leaning forward and kissing his cheek, using his hand to tilt Sousuke into it.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, placing soft lips against Sousuke’s jaw and his neck, feeling the hitch in his breath. Settling back down against his pillow he grabbed Sousuke’s hand, pulling it to his lips, following the veins up his arm.

“Rin?”

“Yeah?” Rin hummed, flipping his hand to kiss the palm. “What is it?”

“Just wondering what you’re doing,” Sousuke mumbled, dropping the magazine he had in his other hand on the bed.

“Is this okay?” he asked, letting go and propping up on his elbow. Sousuke looked at him, eyes opening just a fraction more, eyebrows pulling up and a smile on his lip. “I just want to touch you a little,” he said, hand settling on Sousuke’s chest with a light weight.

“Yeah, if that’s what you want,” Sousuke said, though he looked away from Rin. “Is it one of those things?”

“What things?” Rin questioned, getting up, hands going to Sousuke’s shirt, toying with the hem. “Will you let me take this off?”

“Those things—I don’t know, just like when you want me to do something weird,” Sousuke said, already sitting up and pulling off his shirt. He fell back against the bed, looking up at him.

“You’re not making any sense, Sousuke,” he chuckled, biting his lip as his hands fell to Sousuke’s pants.

“Sorry,” Sousuke said, hands traveling down, helping Rin take off his pants. “So it is one of those things.”

“What things?” Rin laughed, pulling Sousuke’s pants off the rest of the way and dropping them to the floor. He straddled Sousuke, hands mirror images of each other as he began to slide across Sousuke’s abs, up his chest and down his arms.

“I don’t know,” Sousuke said, lifting up his hand with the intent of covering his embarrassment, but Rin caught his wrist. He pulled the hand to him and kissed Sousuke’s fingers, eyes taking in every detail of the near microscopic dips and folds of his skin, his pronounced knuckles, the shape of his blunt nails. “You just seem different sometimes.”

“Do I? Is it a bad different? Do you not like it?” Rin pulled back, a ghost of a fear in his heart before he was pulled down for a kiss.

“Rin, it’s fine,” Sousuke said against his lips as they pulled back. He let out a half smirk, the color of his skin tinged with red. “Though, I don’t really like being the only one naked.”

Rin kissed him again, nodding as he pulled back and pulled off his shirt and wiggling his way out of his pants. “Better?”

“I think so,” Sousuke laughed, though his arms wrapped around Rin, pulling him close.

He took in a deep breath against Rin’s neck. Smiling, Rin kissed the shoulder in front of him, avoiding the brace. When Sousuke’s hands started sliding down his back Rin got up on his hands and knees, kissing Sousuke on the lips once more before starting a trail of butterfly kisses along his chest. Leaving no part untouched he moved his way down Sousuke, lips brushing across warm skin, a teasing lick to each nipple before moving further down.

Lavishing Sousuke’s abs with kisses lead to trails on his thighs, his calves, little nips when he got to the thick meat of his legs. Sousuke just watched, hands clenching and unclenching as he tried to figure out what he was supposed to do. Rin knew he was confused, but he didn’t want to tell Sousuke what to do, he didn’t want Sousuke to do anything anyways. He let out a content sigh as he laid down between Sousuke’s legs, kissing the top of his knee, puffy scars from childhood falls stretched as Sousuke moved his leg up the bed. Rin ran his fingers across the soft skin, pressing kisses into his inner thighs when he could.

“Rin,” Sousuke grunted, voice strained.

Eyes landing on Sousuke’s flushed and anxious face he sat up, getting up onto his knees. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Sousuke said, scowling, though the expression broke under his anxiousness as he turned his head to the side. “I just—are you happy like this?”

“Yeah,” Rin hummed, face hot as he looked down, catching a glimpse of Sousuke’s hardening length under tight fabric as he did so. “Is it okay that I’m touching you so much?”

“It’s not like it’s not okay it’s just a little weird,” he said, covering his face with his hand. “Do you really want me to just stay like this? Doing nothing?”

“A little,” Rin admitted, hand going up to the back of his neck. “Is it uncomfortable?”

“No,” Sousuke said, though his face was still contorted into a bewildered pout.

“Actually—Sousuke can I?” Rin asked, words failing him as he placed his hands on Sousuke’s underwear.

“Of course,” he said without hesitation, but Rin shook his head.

“Not—not just take off your underwear. I was wondering, well,” Rin paused, “I was wondering if it’d be okay if—would it be alright if I blew you?”

“What?” Sousuke choked, eyes wide and half sitting up.

“Would it be okay if I tried—I just feel like, like today might be the right day to try,” Rin said, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“Oh,” Sousuke mumbled, eyes still wide and a tentative frown on his face. “Alright, if you—if you want to, okay.”

“Okay,” Rin said, looking at Sousuke a second longer before giving him a kiss moving back on the bed. “Lie back down.”

“Alright,” Sousuke said, shoving the pillows behind him before resting back against them. He looked just as nervous as Rin felt.

Rin stared at Sousuke’s underwear, heart a mess as he grabbed the edges of the elastic band. He swallowed, a nervous energy curling in his stomach as he started to pull down, dark hairs slowly coming into sight. It wasn’t like it was the first time he saw them, but the anticipation of what he was about to do made it so much more nerve-wracking. He held his breath but he didn’t get any further, two strong hands wrapping around his wrists, stilling him.

"Wait, I'm not ready," Sousuke said, sitting back up, voice urgent. Rin scoffed looking up at his boyfriend, hands releasing his underwear, letting it remain where it was. He already felt nervous but now Sousuke’s hesitation was also getting in the way.

"You're not ready? I'm the one who shouldn't be ready!"

"You are!” Sousuke agreed, voice much higher than usual, eyes wide. “So why aren't you not ready!?"

Rin was taken aback by his words, a bright flush coloring his face as he rubbed the back of his neck. He tried to come up with an appropriate answer. "Because—well I’m not ready but at the same time I am ready. I'm ready because it's you.”

"Yeah well I'm not ready because it's you," Sousuke stressed. His hands slid from Rin’s wrists to his palms, interlacing their fingers.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rin pressed, only a small amount of anxiety built from his words. He knew better than to question how much Sousuke cared about him, but he was already so tense and feeling foolish. Sousuke’s face lit up, ducking his head to avoid looking Rin in the eyes.

"I don't know. That I'm embarrassed and I'm scared I'm going to fuck things up for you or ruin this or something—that I don't want you feeling obligated to do something like this anyways."

"I don't feel obligated, I just want to do it because I—I want you to feel good," Rin stuttered, feeling increasingly awkward with each passing moment. Sousuke looked at him with an exasperated frown and a sigh.

"Yeah, well, I only feel good when you feel good so then what's the point?" Sousuke asked, peering into Rin’s eyes for an answer. Rin’s gaze faltered, looking past Sousuke for a second as he felt his body grow hotter with embarrassment.

"Well it's not like I particularly want to do it but," Rin mumbled.

"Then let me do it first," Sousuke interrupted, squeezing Rin’s hands. Rin balked, surprised by Sousuke’s forwardness.

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because I—don't want to make you do that," Rin said, voice falling away at the end as he realized that’s exactly what Sousuke was saying.

Sousuke looked at him, an awkward pause between them. “So now what?"

"Well, I'm not really keen on doing it, but I'm curious," he reasoned, peeking back up at Sousuke, looking for his reaction. Sousuke eyes squinted, his brows pinching as he looked off to the side before nodding a little.

"Yeah. Yeah me too, I think,” Sousuke said.

"We could do it at the same time?" Rin suggested, a nervous and embarrassed laugh bubbling in his throat.

"Somehow I think that's more embarrassing," Sousuke groaned, letting go of Rin’s hand to hold his face. He watched Rin through his fingers as Rin started fidgeting in place, legs getting sleepy from sitting on them for too long.

"Well do you want to do it or not?" Rin asked again, feeling much like he was going to chicken out if they didn’t come to some kind of a conclusion soon.

"Yeah, okay. Okay, just do it. But then I get to try it too after,” Sousuke said, lifting his hand away from his face and dropping back onto the bed. One tan arm resting against his forehead for easy use should he feel like he needed to hide away.

"Okay," Rin squeaked, heat heading to his face and his crotch as he thought of what they were going to be doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me just say sorry right now

Peeling away Sousuke’s underwear with renewed cautiousness, Rin swallowed as he saw the dark wiry hair at the base. It always caught him by surprise, possibly because he shaved his own pubic hair, but Rin put that feeling away as he pulled the fabric further down Sousuke’s legs. Bending his knees, Sousuke helped him remove it the rest of the way, eyes focused on their wall with great interest.

 

His skin erupted with goosebumps, settling down on his stomach, eyes flicking wildly between Sousuke and his length, a nervous jittering going on in his heart. He brought up one hand, fingers running along the hair and watching Sousuke twitch, and squirm under him. His stomach churned, a mix of nervous nausea and numbing excitement swirling together as he traced along a visible vein.

 

Rin felt weird, staring at his best friend’s dick so closely, so intimately. His face felt hot and he was torn between staying and saying never mind, but he wouldn’t let himself back down so easily. Without warning he wrapped his hand around the base and held it steady, giving it a kiss. He heard Sousuke’s breath leave him in time with his own. Squeezing his eyes shut he pressed his lips a little firmer, finding the texture odd but not uncomfortable.

 

The churning in his stomach didn’t stop, but when Rin heard the noise in Sousuke’s throat, a whimper though he’d likely never admit it, it spurred him on. Taking a first lick, only a small spot at the head, Rin tried not to focus on how odd he felt doing it, silly, inexperienced. It took little to take his mind off of it, Sousuke’s leg tensing under his other hand. He tried again, a longer lick, starting at the base and ending at the tip.

 

Odd, but Sousuke’s shaking encouraging he started to alternate between licking and kissing. Rin wasn’t exactly sure how it was supposed to taste, but they had just showered and Sousuke still smelled like the chlorine from the pool and his body wash. Glancing back up at his friend who was staring at him, face contorted by emotions Rin couldn’t even begin to think about as he tried an open mouth kiss, pulling the sensitive skin into his mouth.

 

Sousuke’s hand shot down to grab the one on his thigh, pulling it off and intertwining their fingers.

 

Rin pulled back, feeling heat radiating off of every inch of skin, blushing from head to toe as he looked at Sousuke who looked both distraught and turned on. Biting his lip, he smiled a little, getting up and kissing him as he started to pull and tug at the other. Confidence picking up with the speed of his heart he returned to Sousuke, hot and hard in his hand, licking and sucking slowly before trying his first attempt at going down on the other. Sousuke bucked, a small twitch of the hips as he tried to force himself still, but it was enough to shock Rin into pulling back, flinching, a ghost of a cough as Sousuke’s fevered apologizes poured out of his mouth.

 

“I’m fine,” Rin said, shaking his head and trying again, holding Sousuke down with his arms. He was wide, so wide it stretched Rin’s mouth and he felt it against his hollowed cheeks as he tried to do everything he read, everything he could remember. Oh, so careful to protect the other from his teeth, wrapping his lips around them as he tested out their movements.

 

Sousuke’s voice, so soft and hardly heard, came out loud and clear and echoed in Rin’s ears creating shivers through his body. He loved those sounds, those moans and groans and gasps and whispers of his name. He felt Sousuke’s hand wind itself in his hair and hummed, surprised at the jerk and curse that followed, happy to have been prepared enough to shove Sousuke’s hips back against the bed.

 

He could feel everything inside his mouth, how hot and swollen Sousuke was. Leaning on Sousuke’s thigh he let go of the other, sliding his fingers along the soft skin of his balls, drawing up with every second, knowing he was close. Gazing up at Sousuke he saw the other was thrown back against their bed, fist pressed against his eyes and biting his lip hard.

 

“Rin—Rin stop,” Sousuke pleaded after Rin took to fondling him as he continued to suck at the tip. Rin knew he was close, could taste the precum on his tongue as he slid the other out of his mouth.

 

“It’s fine—I can take it,” Rin insisted.

 

“No, not in your mouth,” Sousuke said, voice shaky.

 

“Sousuke—,” Rin continued, but then Sousuke was sitting up, eyes wide.

 

“No,” he said, suddenly stern and commanding and sure, though his eyes were wild and desperate. Rin nodded, swallowing his own words and rising to his knees, kissing Sousuke as he jerked him off, both left groaning into each other’s mouths as he came, hot seed caught in Rin’s hand. Glancing down at his hand he missed a kiss, landing on his eyebrow before looking up and smiling as Sousuke’s lips reattached to his.

 

“I,” Rin breathed, pulling back, “I have to wipe this off.”

 

Sousuke hummed, hands blindly bringing back their tissue box, helping Rin wipe it off as they kissed each other senseless. Sousuke’s hands slid down from Rin’s face, following the curve of his neck and down his chest before reaching his shorts, pulling them down. Rin got up, helping Sousuke remove his underwear before rolling over to where Sousuke had been lying, propping himself up on his arms as he watched Sousuke drop down to kiss his stomach.

 

Sousuke’s lips were wet and red from their kissing, leaving behind a cooling trail from Rin’s belly button down to the base of his dick. Wide palms and spread fingers were holding his hip bone down as Sousuke kissed his way along Rin’s hard and twitching length, already painfully swollen thanks to Sousuke’s voice and the feel of him in his mouth. He understood why Sousuke was having such a hard time staying still, every touch, every breath sending trembles through his body.

 

It felt like in no time at all Sousuke’s lips were parting and taking him in, tongue sliding along his shaft in a wicked way at a torturous pace. One hand dug into the bed sheets and the other in Sousuke’s hair, Rin was shaking. The way Sousuke pulled him into his mouth, hot and soft and wet and delicious. The soft, inner skin of Sousuke’s cheeks pressing against him, making his toes curl and his head thrown back and his eyes see stars.

 

He heard Sousuke’s name, barely able to realize he was calling it, the feeling swelling in balls and tightening his stomach as he tried to warn the other. The sweet suction of his mouth was replaced by a hot and calloused hand, pumping him and pulling him into an orgasm that shook his body and stole his breath. He squeezed his eyes tight, biting into the meat of his hand as he held down his voice.

 

Time stood still for a moment, or maybe it didn’t and they were just so quiet he couldn’t tell. When he felt his hand being pulled from his mouth he opened his eyes and saw Sousuke kissing it, an angry red arch clear in the skin. “I told you not to bite yourself,” Sousuke mumbled, a conflicted look in the dip of his brow.

 

“That was not fair,” Rin wheezed, grimacing as he sat up, kissing Sousuke. “You lasted way longer than me.”

 

“What?” Sousuke laughed, going in for another chaste kiss. “You’re an idiot, you took forever.”

 

“No I didn’t—don’t lie to me,” Rin mumbled though he smiled. “Alright, we were both pretty quick.”

 

“Probably,” he said, leaning his forehead against Rin’s. Rin watched him through hooded eyes, feeling their hands intertwine. “Did it feel good?”

 

“Yeah, better than good,” Rin choked, pulling back. “What about you?”

 

“It was alright,” Sousuke said, a teasing smirk on his lips as Rin shoved at him. “What about before—I’m still sorry. It didn’t hurt too much did it?”

 

“You trying to choke me? No not at all,” Rin countered. Sousuke was the one to shove at him this time, though there was still concern in his eyes. “No, it was okay. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.”

 

“You thought it was going to be bad?” Sousuke asked, smirk dropping and worry radiating off of him. Rin rolled his eyes and shrugged.

 

“Well it’s our first time,” Rin said in lieu of a proper explanation. He didn’t want to talk about it, his jaw felt a little sore and his cheeks tingled. “I feel like I need to brush my teeth again though.”

 

“Yeah,” Sousuke hummed, standing up and getting dressed without further prompt. Rin followed suit, taking his hand when he finished, Sousuke grabbing their night bags. Rin unlocked their door before stepping out in the dark corridor. It was already late enough that the rest of the lights were out, just one at the very end of the hall, white light illuminating the entrance.

 

Walking down the hall, body on autopilot as he steered them towards the bathroom, Rin rolled the inside of his cheeks against his teeth. They felt odd, uncomfortable, like he could still feel Sousuke inside. Ignoring the feeling he pulled them into their floor’s bathroom, the lights buzzing to life, motion activated.  Rin let go of him, grabbing his bag and heading to the sink, feeling a growing nausea in his stomach and a hardness in his throat as he started to brush his teeth.

 

The feeling wouldn’t go away, scrubbing every part from teeth to tongue, from gums to cheek. He felt a little dizzy, leaning on one hand against the sink as he spat out the foam in his mouth. He could still feel it, feel it in his mouth, against his cheeks, feel the uncomfortable stretch. He could feel it in his throat, in his stomach. His breathing turned to shallow bursts of breath and his eyes began to prick with tears.

 

“Rin?”

 

The nausea bubbling up from his stomach felt caught, trapped. He gagged. A panic entered him and he felt his arms grow numb and achy and he made a dash for the toilets on the other side of the room, gagging and retching again.

 

“RIN!?”

 

He felt Sousuke behind him, heard him drop to his knees in between his haggard breaths, retching once more and feeling the hot acid and chunks of a half-digested dinner make their appearance, pouring into the porcelain bowl. He squeezed his eyes, the feeling in his mouth still not going away and his stomach only churning worse. Slamming his fist into the tiled floor as he threw up more, sticky saliva and rancid stomach juices stuck on his lips. He felt like screaming, he was screaming in his head, wondering why he was feeling like this, why he was ruining everything again.

 

“Rin—Rin what’s wrong!? Tell me what’s wrong! Are you okay!?” Sousuke voice came from behind him. There was a hand on his back and he flinched away.

 

“Don’t—don’t touch me,” Rin pleaded, rising back up to his knees and gagging into the bowl. The hand was gone then, and he felt guilt added to disgusting mix of feelings churning up his stomach, but he couldn’t feel it. He couldn’t have it on him, everything felt wrong and it was his fault.

 

“Rin,” Sousuke called, and Rin’s eyes flew open as he heard the crack there. He threw back his hand, reaching instinctively for the other and feeling comforted when he felt the other’s warm hands wrap around his, trying to sooth him. “Rin—how do I help? What can I do to help?”

 

“Just—give me a second,” Rin said, forcing himself to puke until there was nothing left in his stomach. Dry heaving a few times before sitting back down, dropping back onto his butt and thankful for the handful of toilet paper placed in his other hand. He cleaned his face, and lips, building up what spit was left in his mouth and hacking it up into the toilet to try and get rid of it’s disgusting taste. He tossed the soiled tissue into the bowl and flushed, eyes moist.

 

“Rin.”

 

Looking back at Sousuke for the first time he saw tear streaked cheeks and heartbroken eyes staring at him and Rin felt like dying. He wrapped his arms around Sousuke and pulled him against him, too focused on the other to realize that the feeling was gone from his mouth, though his stomach still felt the ghosts of it. Without saying anything they got their stuff together, Rin using mouthwash no less than three times before he was ready to leave the bathroom.

 

He felt tired, a weight on him as they trudged back to their room, neither saying a word, a clear and uncomfortable distance between them as they walked. When they were both in bed, Rin pulling Sousuke to it just to make sure the other knew he wanted him there. Rin curled around him and felt water well in his eyes as he heard the shakiness of Sousuke’s breath, remnants of crying he hadn’t seen or heard while he was puking in the bathroom, crying he caused.

 

“Do you still love me?” Rin asked, unable to help himself, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

 

“Of course I do,” Sousuke said, no less warm and fond as it would have been if he said it just that morning.

 

Rin started to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Progress is not linear, but that does not mean it’s not progress…
> 
> I’ll be taking the next week off because of how many chapters I had to get ready for this, but there’s still a chance you’ll see me this coming Sunday. If not, the Sunday after for sure. Next update will be a happy one!

He had fallen asleep to the rhythmic touch of Sousuke’s hand combing through his hair, curled around each other in the dark, pain and guilt making a home in his stomach. When he woke there was no warm body pressed up against him, he felt cold. The skin of his cheeks were dry and stiff, his eyes burning as he forced them open to see the wall in front of him. He turned around, the pure fear in his heart at waking up alone settling as he turned to see Sousuke there, back facing him.

 

Like a rock, the realization that they had separated in their sleep dropped into his stomach and weighed his body and heart down. Sitting up he looked at the clock, seeing that it was already well past when he normally would wake, already they should be off and going to school. His arms felt numb, his legs felt heavy, and he felt so, so tired. Like he could go back to sleep and not wake up for at least a hundred years. But still, he forced himself up and climbed out of the bed without touching Sousuke who was still asleep.

 

He grabbed his phone of his desk, seeing a good morning text from Nagisa and ignoring it. It was not a good morning, and he had half the mind to tell his friend everything right then and there if it wasn’t for the fact that they were late enough as it was. Turning with the intent of waking Sousuke up he saw pain. Furrowed brows and swollen eyes and trails of dried tears and none of the things that should be present on the love of his life.

 

They wouldn’t go to school today, he couldn’t let them, not with how things were.

 

Sending a text to Ai he let the other know that they were sick, might have caught a stomach bug, to not try and bother them because it might be contagious and to have practice without them. He would worry about class later.

 

Sousuke woke up then, Rin didn’t know why, he didn’t feel he was particularly loud. His chest rose with a deep breath, eyes fluttering open, confusion settling into a soft and depressed look in those bloodshot eyes, not having yet seen Rin. Rin’s body locked up, shame overcoming him as he saw the fragility in Sousuke’s movements as he got up, rubbing at his eyes and taking notice of Rin, hand dropping and frown so soft but set so unbearably deep.

 

“You’re up,” his said, though the words felt distant in Rin’s heart.

 

“Yeah,” Rin answered, voice left raspy and throw left raw from the night before. “Said we were sick. Told Ai to make sure practice goes on without us.”

 

“Skipping?” Sousuke asked, throwing his legs over the side of the bed and rubbing the back of his neck. “Why?”

 

“Because,” Rin said, the rest of his words falling away as he walked over to the other, sitting down next to him and grabbing his hand.

 

“Because?”

 

He turned away for a moment and Rin’s heart sank, letting go of his hand in favor of pulling him into a hug. “Because I’m not letting us leave it like this—yesterday Sousuke, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean for that to happen,” Rin pleaded, fearing how Sousuke’s arms did not return the gesture.

 

“You’re sorry? Rin, you have nothing to apologize for. It was my fault that it went that far—that I didn’t stop you. I’m sorry that I made you feel like you had to even do that when you weren’t ready,” Sousuke said, voice breaking at the end and a tear slipping down his cheek as Rin pulled back. His breath caught and his heart stopped and Rin felt like he was going to cry, because how could he have made him feel like that?

 

“Sousuke—that wasn’t your fault!”

 

“It was Rin,” Sousuke argued and Rin grabbed him by the shoulders, squaring them together and voice hard.

 

“No, it wasn’t. Sousuke, listen to me,” Rin ordered, voice firm and heart trembling, “this is not your fault. This isn’t you, this is me. I wasn’t lying, and I wasn’t trying to push myself. Yesterday I was happy with what was happening—I didn’t feel like it was bothering me, I don’t know why I freaked out like that—but I do know it was not, in any way, your fault. Maybe I’m just not into that kind of stuff. You hear stories about how girls actually hate it, right? So maybe it’s something like that, but whatever it is it isn’t your fault. I didn’t hate doing that last night, and I don’t hate you.”

 

“Rin you didn’t see yourself—you didn’t see what you looked like. When you were pulling me down the hall—you looked like something was wrong, but I wasn’t thinking. And then in front of the sink, you,” Sousuke said, voice cracking and shaky, sealing his mouth shut. He looked down at their laps and wiped at his eyes.

 

“I’m sorry,” Rin whispered, stopping Sousuke’s words with his hands, placing them over his mouth. “I am, Sousuke. I’m sorry I made you see that—and I’m sorry I made you feel like that. This—even if you don’t agree—this is my fault. Because I didn’t realize I was pushing myself.”

 

“It’s my fault you felt like you had to push yourself,” Sousuke insisted, voice muffled by his hand. Rin scowled, shaking his head at the other.

 

“No! It isn’t, Sousuke you don’t make me feel pressured at all—I just. How am I supposed to know the difference between not being ready and just being nervous? I can’t tell at all if I’m just being scared or not. That’s just me, you know that, you know I’ll do it even if I’m scared because I won’t let fear stop me—this is just more complicated than other things.”

 

“Stop then. Stop trying to force it at all. Rin,” Sousuke mumbled, eyes focused on their bed, “I don’t think I can do that again. I don’t—I don’t think I can see you like that again. I don’t need to do those things, I’m happy just being by your side, so.”

 

“I don’t want that,” Rin groaned in frustration, knowing what Sousuke was trying to say. Tears pricked at his eyes as he realized what was happening, feeling the distance between them in full force. “I don’t want to go backwards just because I fucked up this time! Sousuke, touching you—touching you after I was ready, really ready to, it was more than just thrilling.”

 

Rin grabbed Sousuke’s hands and leaned closer to him, pressing their foreheads together, staring down as he coiled his fingers around his. “I felt—I felt unbelievably good, and I don’t want to ruin that just because I made the mistake of trying something I wasn’t ready for too soon. If you want to slow down, or to stop because you’re uncomfortable, we will. But please, trust me when I say I don’t want that. This is the first time I’ve ever felt good about this kind of stuff—the first time I’ve felt safe, and it’s because of you. I feel safe with you, Sousuke.”

 

Sousuke choked, tears freely flowing now and Rin grimaced as he watched them slide down his cheeks, Sousuke closing his eyes, trying to stop them.

 

“What happened before, that had nothing to do with you. It was my fault for pushing it too far. You were right, that these feelings won’t change no matter who I am with, so don’t you dare think it’s your fault,” he continued, placing a soft kiss against the corner of Sousuke’s lips, watching him for his reaction. “I love you, I wouldn’t lie to you. You know that, don’t you?”

 

“I do,” Sousuke whimpered, shaking his head, eyes still closed. He didn’t shy away when Rin pressed their lips together, tilting his head up to press just a bit firmer before they pulled away from each other. Sousuke’s eyes finally opening, deep wet pools of remorse and love. Rin’s hands went up to Sousuke’s face, cupping his cheeks and pulling him into another chaste kiss, breathing deep and feeling his own anxiety slowly dispersing.

 

More than any problems of his, Sousuke mattered the most to him. He promised himself he would never let those big, beautiful eyes look like that again, not because of him. Not because of his problems, things he brought into a relationship he wanted. He’d push less, they could take it slower, even slower than Rin wanted, because even if he thought he was ready his body was betraying him, and he couldn’t let that happen again.

 

Sliding back into the bed he guided Sousuke down against their pillows, staring at each other and wondering what to say. What they could say after something like that, but Rin didn’t want to leave them in silence. Not with Sousuke feeling the way he was, with that ability of his to talk himself into a hole it was never a good idea, especially not now of all times. Without really thinking Rin felt his mouth open as he caressed Sousuke’s cheek, brushing his fingers along the side of his face, wiping at the moist skin.

 

“When I was in middle school,” he started, chest fluttering with renewed anxieties but feeling rather calm. “When I was in Australia, there was more kids like me around. Well, not more,” Rin reasoned, looking away. “More than here, I guess. Anyways, there was one boy in particular who was—he was out. I thought it was kind of nice I guess, but there were bullies of course.”

 

Sousuke waited in silent interest, hand finding Rin’s and holding it between them, rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb.

 

“They tormented a lot of kids, especially boys like me. Because we were girly looking or whatever,” he mumbled, swallowing a lump in his throat. “They used to say a lot of vulgar things, you know, just regular insults towards gay kids. Cock sucker, things like that. It made me feel really gross, and that kid got the brunt of it since they knew he was actually gay.”

 

“I don’t know why it bothered me so much,” Rin said trying to shrug off his feelings though the anger and anxiety reared back up at the very thought. “Well, I do, but nothing ever really happened directly to me you know? Like I don’t have any horrific stories about what happened, just what I heard and saw. Rumors. Those kids were a bad crowd in general, a lot of them had already had sex and stealing their parents liquor, that kind of stuff. Nothing that new for city kids I guess.”

 

“Well, kids do that in small towns too, just depends on who it is,” he continued, eyes dropping to their hands, “either way they were a bad group. One of the boys in the group wasn’t so bad though, he was almost nice, but he wouldn’t stick up for you. Sometimes he’d distract the others and they’d leave, he did that a few times for me too.”

 

Rin sucked in a breath, rolling onto his back and looking at the bunk bed above him. “He was older—they all were, and he was good looking so I heard a lot of rumors about how he’d sleep with the boys his friends bullied. I doubted them for a while but one time after I had been at the end of some of that torment he had found me and apologized for his friends’ behavior,” he laughed, mirthless and shaking his head. “He put his hand on me, and was being really nice, and we talked a little. I couldn’t remember about what other than it felt real pleasant, like an escape, but then the hand that was on my shoulder turned into an arm around my waist.”

 

 “I ran away,” Rin said, “when he tried to kiss me. Caught my cheek and then I was making a mad dash home. That day I told Lori and Russell I had been bullied, but didn’t say anything else. After that I got weird dreams about him, they weren't really pleasant either. I always thought wet dreams were supposed to be kind of fun and wild, you know? But I always woke up feeling more miserable than when I went to sleep. I got a letter from Nagisa around the time that I was considering talking to that boy, and just as if he knew exactly what was happening he was calling me out on my weird behavior and I broke.”

 

“I wrote him this big long letter, explaining everything, and the time after that was miserable just waiting for his response. When I got it though,” he sniffled, rubbing at his eyes, “there was nothing awful inside. Just Nagisa reassuring me not to fall into their grasps, and to wait for someone who’d love me, and that there was nothing wrong with me. I don’t understand how he did it, how he still does it. How he accepts it so easily.”

 

Taking a break to catch his breath, tears falling out of his eyes, he looked at Sousuke and saw through his blurry gaze that the other was just watching, silently taking in the story. Rin tried to smile at him, a sob coming out of his chest as he turned and held onto the other. Deep breathing kept the cries down, but his body shuddered and breath stuttered uncontrollably.

 

“They said so many gross things about sex, and the first time I saw gay porn really didn’t help. I don’t know, I felt so gross watching it. I feel gross thinking about it, and yesterday it just felt so—I don’t know, similar? Even now it—it feels kind of gross,” Rin whispered, hand going up to hold his throat. “And I—I wonder if people will be able to tell. I think that’s just paranoia, though. I think I’m babbling now too,” he said, a hint of a smirk as he tried to put on a brave face.

 

“Rin,” Sousuke started but Rin managed a smile, genuine and light despite the pains in his chest.

 

“Don’t worry about it, it’ll go away. I’m serious Sousuke, with you I’m safe, and that’s why it’s so frustrating,” Rin admitted, biting his lip as he tried not to cry anymore. “So, so, so incredibly frustrating that I can’t do this when I want to do it. When I know I can.”

 

“It’s okay to go at the pace you need to,” Sousuke interrupted. “If we’re laying it all out there right now, yesterday was enough to turn me away from sex forever,” he said, a huff of a laugh that didn’t fully form on his lips, pain in his eyes. “I wouldn’t mind going slower.”

 

“Okay,” Rin whispered, heart a little broken by his words, broken knowing he did that to Sousuke. “Okay, we’ll take it even slower. I’m okay with that, I—I don’t want that to happen again either.”

 

They looked at each other a moment, and Sousuke took a deep breath, a smile on his face and eyes finally dry.

 

“Thank you for telling me,” he whispered, arms wrapping around Rin and pulling him close. And just like that all the pressure in Rin’s chest released, knowing Sousuke picked up on even the smallest of things. That he knew how Rin didn't want to talk anymore, and that he was allowing the conversation to be over for now, for his sake.

 

Breathing in the scent of Sousuke and the unmistakable smell of damp shirts and tears, Rin squeezed the other as tight as he could. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too, Rin.”

 

Everything was okay.

 

They were okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but happy update! I'm really behind right now due to things going on IRL so I might not be able to update next Sunday, but as always I will be sure to update the Sunday after! I will at LEAST keep up a bi-weekly update, you can trust me! Thanks again for sticking with me, I hope everyone likes the update!

The air was cold and crisp, burning his lungs as he gasped for breath. His nose dry and the light sweat he had worked up turning to ice with a whip of the wind. He couldn’t help his smile as he heard the panting beside him while he looked out at the trees. Golds and reds, some patches of green still here and there. He felt fresh, he felt new. It was a wonderful change of pace after the week they had had.

 

“Did you really have to make it a race? I thought this was supposed to be calming,” Sousuke said, as he stood up straight, wiping at his forehead.

 

The view of the overhang had been overrun, what once was a vast view of the world below now a glimpse of the sky as many young trees sprouted up from the ground. The trail relatively unused if the thick weeds and lack of dirt path had anything to say, but it was a great run and a great path Rin remembered from childhood. He thought it would be the perfect place to go that weekend, and he was right. Like magic, seeing the trees and racing up the last leg of the mountain trail with Sousuke by his side brought to him peace. Peace in his heart, which he had little of since his mistake.

 

“Don’t act like you didn’t love it,” Rin said, a grin in place as he walked over to a fallen log, sitting on it and patting a spot beside him. “So? What do you think? I know the view isn’t much anymore—but just coming out here was nice, wasn’t it?”

 

“’s beautiful,” Sousuke muttered, Rin catching his gaze before the other turned away, looking up at the trees as if he wasn’t just staring at the other. “The view.”

 

“Y—yeah.”

 

Rin fidgeted a second, getting comfortable, a smile rolled between his teeth as he grabbed Sousuke’s hand, hissing when met with shockingly cold skin. He tried to pull away but Sousuke’s hand wouldn’t let him though, lacing their fingers. “You’re freezing!”

 

“You’re warm,” Sousuke responded, as if that was somehow a good retort.

 

“Because I was smart enough to bring pocket warmers. Seriously, you’re going to get a cold Sousuke at least wear my scarf.”

 

“I’m fine,” he said, shaking his head. “You need it more.”

 

“I’m wearing a hat, a scarf, and have pocket warmers. I’m sure I’ll be fine if I let you borrow one, stop being so stubborn,” Rin grumbled, unwrapping the cozy knit scarf his sister had given him for his last birthday. Tossing one side over Sousuke’s shoulder he used his free hand to wind the long thing around Sousuke’s neck. Sousuke was chuckling at the poor job that was done, but it wasn’t like he could do anything about it with his other hand held hostage.

 

“Thanks,” Sousuke hummed, fixing the scarf so it wasn’t covering his eyes anymore. He pulled it down enough to show Rin a smile before it disappeared. “So now what? We just going to sit up here all day?”

 

“Oh shut up,” Rin scoffed, shoving him before leaning into his side. “Would that be so bad?”

 

“No,” Sousuke whispered, leaning back, “not really.”

 

For a few moments there was silence, only the rustle of leaves and the skittering of animals they could not see running along the forest floor to be heard. Rin took a deep breath, relishing in the way the cold air opened his lungs, no longer painful now that they were relaxed. He let it out deep and slow and smiled into Sousuke’s shoulder, watching too fallen leaves swirl and dance together before tumbling away.

 

“It’s nice up here, with no one around. Makes you feel nothing really matters, doesn’t it?” Rin continued, trying to make light conversation as they huddled together, another cold gust of wind blowing through. The trees bent under its power, the leaves blowing this way and that, some shaken from their homes and fluttering to the ground.

 

“Is that how it makes you feel?” Sousuke asked, resting his head against Rin’s.

 

“In a good way, yeah. Like everything we do, everything we worry about is just silly and far away. Like all that matters is being here, being a part of this,” Rin said, eyes on the swaying trees, watching them stand back up as the wind passed. Creaking and groaning they pulled themselves back in place. The sounds of small twigs falling to the ground, a bird chirping as it flew away. “Maybe I’m crazy.”

 

“I don’t think so,” Sousuke chuckled, rubbing Rin’s hand with his cold fingers. “It’s nice not doing anything with you.”

 

“Huh?” Rin asked sitting up and looking at him. Sousuke shrugged, eyes focused on the forest around them.

 

“Just relaxing, it’s nice.”

 

Rin could practically hear the unsaid words in Sousuke’s head. He knew that their relationship had been nothing but energetic since the time they met. They were always doing things, never taking a moment’s rest. It was fun like that as kids, but now even when they did want to relax and do nothing, compete over nothing, just enjoying each other’s presence, Rin’s worries were messing them up.

 

But there was nothing to worry over right then, right there, in that moment.

 

It was just the two of them with nothing else in the world to bother with.

 

“Yeah, it is,” Rin agreed, watching the soft gaze turn to him. Sousuke was smiling, small and sweet and perfect. “Sousuke,” he whispered, leaning closer before a bright red leaf came between them. He reared back, surprised to see Sousuke had picked up a leaf and was now hiding a coy smile behind it.

 

“This one reminds me of you,” he laughed, tucking the stem under Rin’s hat. “Yup, the resemblance is uncanny.”

 

“What the hell are you talking about Yamazaki?” Rin asked, amusement clear in his voice despite himself. It was hard not to be happy, to laugh when Sousuke did. Hard not to smile at the smooth sound in his ears. “Why that one?”

 

“Because it has to stand out,” Sousuke said with all seriousness. “Also it was really clingy, wouldn’t let go of my arm.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean!” Rin said, shoving him, a wide open smile on his lips. “I am not clingy!”

 

“That’s what you think,” Sousuke teased, returning a shove. His laughter was cut short as the log rolled under their jostling and he fell off onto his back. Dry leaves crunching underneath him. Rin cried out in concern before he was holding his stomach from laughing too hard, laughing at the disgruntled face Sousuke gave him as he tried to get up. Before he could Rin was on top of him, sitting down and laughing more as all the air was forced out of his lungs.

 

“God you’re heavy,” he complained, pushing at him. Rin ignored him in favor of picking up the leaves and dropping them onto Sousuke, not surprised when they all stuck.

 

“See, I am not clingy, you’re just needy!  Look at the way you make them stick to you,” Rin teased, nearly wheezing and falling over himself as Sousuke pushed him off. Sousuke kissed him, trying to stop him from talking but the giggles on his lips made it difficult and their kiss off-kilter. Shaky smiles pressed against determined chapped lips. Sousuke grabbed Rin’s cheeks, trying to hold the other still.

 

“Cold! Sousuke, you’re cold!” Rin complained, though it was hard to take seriously with the way his eyes lit up and his smile grew wider.

 

“Then warm me up,” Sousuke mumbled, kissing him again. Rin laughed more, and then hands were over his ears and Sousuke drew back, shocked, but not unpleasantly by how warm Rin’s hands were. Rin curled them around his ears, smile finally giving way for a concerned frown.

 

“You really are cold, you sure you don’t want my hat?”

 

“I’m fine,” Sousuke said, shivering and oversensitive by the heat of Rin’s fingers and palm against his wind-chilled ears. Rin rolled his eyes before giving him another kiss, this time firm and sweet. The warm tips of his fingers curling and sliding around his ears and then Sousuke was pulling away. Rin blinked and arms dropped, surprised the other had moved away from him, a blush on his cheeks. “M—maybe it’s time we go back down.”

 

“Yeah,” Rin breathed, desperately trying to burn the image into his eyes the best he could. A quiet determination settling in his warming stomach as he decided he’d figure out how to make him look like that again. “Let’s go get something to eat, too.”

 

“Alright,” Sousuke said, pulling Rin up onto his feet. Rin grabbed his hand and shoved it into his pocket. It was on fire in comparison to Sousuke’s cold hands. He felt warm and light as a feather as they meandered back down the pathway. Sousuke’s voice carried like music to his ears, soft, melodious, calming.

 

Not for the first time that day Rin found himself marveling the magnificence of the world he found himself in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is love hmMmMM~  
> So this is love~~~
> 
> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)  
> [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was a little rushed when editing this so please tell me if there are any big mistakes! I hope everyone likes the update!

Rin let out a deep sigh, scrolling through another forum, finding it hard to read on his phone. From what he could see there was no useful information pertaining to his situation specifically. Still he scrolled on, hoping someone would have more information, any information, on what was in his opinion, the dumbest thing to be bothered by in the whole world.

 

“What time is it?"

 

Rin’s gaze shifted down to the lump beside him, Sousuke’s voice muffled by the pillow he was currently digging his face into. He rolled a little, looking up at Rin and at his phone before closing his eyes again and letting out an exasperated sigh. “What are you doing?"

 

"I've just been looking at stuff, trying to figure things out," Rin answered, a little put out by his attitude. He sunk lower into the bed and gave up on the forum, setting his phone down on the floor and out of the way. “It’s only been a half hour since dinner, you haven’t been out for long.”

 

“Good,” he yawned, rolling over onto his back. "And you're over thinking it."

 

"No I'm not," Rin huffed, slapping his shoulder. "I just really want to be able to do th—those kind of things with you, is that such a crime?"

 

"No, I'm just saying you're trying too hard." Sousuke shrugged, rubbing his eyes and letting his arms fall across the bed and Rin. Taking the hint Rin sat up, scooting down a little and resting against Sousuke’s chest.

 

"Well I'm impatient, so sue me," he mumbled, watching Sousuke’s hand come to hold his. Admiring the way their fingers intertwined, the colors of their skin growing closer with each passing day now that the sun was no longer beating down on them everyday. "I just want to make you feel good."

 

"Rin, even just the touch of your hand makes me feel good," Sousuke sighed, another yawn following.

 

"Well I would hope so or jerking you off would be pretty pointless," Rin joked, propping up on his elbow and looking down at his sleepy boyfriend with a smirk.

 

"Don't be like that. You know what I mean," he said, a frown and furrowed brows meeting Rin’s tease.

 

"Yeah, okay," he conceded, feeling bashful under Sousuke’s seriousness. He looked down to where their hands sat together. "So what about this? Does this make you feel good?"

 

"It does," Sousuke answered without hesitation.

 

"Better than when I get you off?" Rin teased, raising an eyebrow at him as Sousuke shrugged, a playful smirk on his lips.

 

"Possibly," he said.

 

"Then why on earth am I worrying about you? You set the bar so low you'd be happy with anything," Rin groaned, flopping back down and resting his head against Sousuke’s shoulder. He pulled their hands up into view, flattening their palms and aligning their fingers, both annoyed and intrigued by the differences. Sousuke’s fingers were wider than his, but not much longer. Some of his fingers were the same length as his, others longer. His knuckles weren’t as obvious and pronounced as his own.

 

"That's what I'm asking. And the bar I set is not low, yours is just too high," Sousuke laughed. “But really Rin, you don't need to try so hard. It'll come naturally to you when and if it's meant to happen."

 

"And what about you? Will it ever come naturally to you?" Rin whispered, eyes dropping and feeling cowardly for saying anything at all. He let his hand fall to Sousuke’s chest, tugging at the cotton folds near his fingers.

 

"What?"

 

"The desire to be with me," Rin said, focusing on the texture between his fingertips and not the tone of Sousuke’s voice. Not the surprise or the confusion, or the hint of hurt in the hitch of his breath.

 

"Rin," Sousuke said, grabbing the back of his hand and stilling his fingers. "I always want to be with you, it doesn't have to just be in that way."

 

"Sorry I didn't mean it like that," he said, backtracking and shaking his head. He didn’t, he wasn’t sure what he meant by it. "I feel the same. I want to be with you, too. Just like this is fine."

 

There was a silence between them and Rin wondered what exactly he had meant by saying that. What he wanted Sousuke to say, what he expected him to say. What he was asking in the first place. He moved to hug him, Sousuke’s hand dropping from his and wrapping around his back as he rolled up onto his side. Rin let his fingers find comfort in the dip of Sousuke’s spine and took a deep breath, closing his eyes.

 

"I guess, I just—I wish I could figure out this feeling. It's like I have this deep fear about all this, but despite it I still have this pull. Like a compulsion to touch you and please you. Not because I have to or anything like that. It’s just like I want to, like it'll make me feel good if I do. I feel like I'll enjoy it, but this other feeling keeps getting in the way."

 

Rin blinked open his eyes, looking at the dark blue of Sousuke’s shirt and breathing easy as he realized what he had said. The words came out before he could understand them, but they were true. That was how he felt, and it shocked him to realize it. He didn’t want to do it because he thought Sousuke needed him to, and he didn’t want to do it because he was forcing himself to do what would be considered as normal by the average person. He wanted to do it because it’d make him feel good, if he could do it right.

 

"Well, you sound like you're understanding the feeling a lot more now than before," Sousuke said after another moment’s pause. Rin sat up, looking down at Sousuke in surprise. He smiled, watching Sousuke’s eyes go wide with confusion and soften with love.

 

"Yeah. Yeah, I think I am," he said, feeling more confident as he thought about it. "I think it's thanks to you."

 

"Don't say that,” Sousuke said, shaking his head as he got up. Rin looked at him, baffled by his words.

 

"Why not?"

 

"Because you're the one doing all this, not me,” he replied, as if it was that simple.

 

"Don't deny it just because you're embarrassed," Rin teased, knocking his fist against Sousuke’s arm. "It's true,” he said, pushing Sousuke when he started to protest. “It is, so just know that, okay? That you take better care of me—that you cherish me better than you think. If it was anyone else I don't think I could feel this relaxed about all this."

 

"You aren't relaxed about it," Sousuke accused, a pout on his lips.

 

"I know it may seem like it but, honestly Sousuke, I am,” Rin said, smiling at him, glancing down and placing a hand against his stomach. The anxiety there, created from the thought of the topic they were on, was made of gentle twists and butterflies. Nothing so horrible and stomach churning as when he thought about it on his own. “The feeling I have inside right now, I'm okay. Maybe a little anxious, but nothing like before. You do make me more relaxed. If you weren't the one here for me I wouldn't be nearly as composed."

 

Sousuke looked at him, eyes open and showing his concern freely. "That's terrifying to think about, Rin."

 

"Right? Sorry I didn't mean for it to get like this," Rin laughed a little, smile breaking as he thought about how much of a downer he must sound like. How much he was putting on Sousuke.

 

"No, it's okay,” he reassured, as if knowing what Rin was thinking. “I'm happy to know. I don't want there to be secrets between us anymore."

 

"I don't want that either. I want to know when you're hurting too. Don't forget to tell me,” Rin ordered, poking him in the chest and giving him the best intimidating look he could. “I mean it.”

 

"I won't,” Sousuke said with a smile, the hint of a laugh in the glimpse of his teeth, “though it won't be hard to guess when I am."

 

"What do you mean?" Rin hummed, relaxing back against the bed. Sousuke followed suit, both lying face to face, gazing into each other’s eyes.

 

"I hurt worst when you’re hurting," Sousuke said, voice warm and soft, like a secret between just the two of them. Rin swallowed, biting his lip as tears already began to fill his gaze. He shoved the other, annoyed but happy by his stupid and romantic response.

 

"The same goes for me too, idiot!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THINGS ARE HAPPENING AGAIN! The boys are making progress! I hope everyone likes the update!

The buzzing of the alarm woke him before the ringing began. Turning it off and getting ready to roll out of bed, a hand caught him, grip weak and awkward. “Wait,” Sousuke mumbled, “don’t go.”

 

“Sousuke, I can’t keep missing morning runs,” Rin said gently, turning back to look at him and smiling. The other had his face stuffed into his pillow, laying on his stomach. “You used to go on them with me before, remember? Why don't you wake up and join me?”

 

“Go later,” he groaned, tugging Rin back, “want hug.”

 

“Excuse me?” Rin asked, a grin on his face despite being unsure if he had heard right.

 

“Come here,” Sousuke said instead, correcting his grip and yanking Rin back down, tucking him under his chest and resting his head on Rin’s shoulder. Rin rolled his lips between his teeth, trying to hold back his amusement. He had heard right. Giving in, because there was really nothing he could do against such a sleepy and needy boyfriend, he pulled his pillow into a more comfortable position.

 

“Only for a little,” Rin said, running a hand through Sousuke’s warm tousled hair. Sousuke sighed, a slight huff of his nose, but nothing more. “You have to go running with me again tonight, and for twice as long to make it up.”

 

Sousuke groaned his understanding, wrapping his arm tighter around Rin’s waist, pulling him closer. With that Rin settled on closing his eyes and getting a little extra sleep. He’d let his alarm for getting ready for school wake them up. Spending time with Sousuke without everyone usually meant one of two things, mornings in or late nights, and lately it had been both which was completely throwing Rin’s sleep schedule out of whack.

 

“When we get our own apartment this won’t be happening,” Rin mused aloud, continuing to massage Sousuke’s scalp. “I’ll go out for morning runs, and we’ll go to bed earlier. Maybe sleep in once a week, on a day we’re both not busy so I can run after.”

 

Sousuke shifted, pulling back enough that he was up on his own pillow, a foggy look in his eyes after finally forcing them open to look at Rin. A little confused, but pleasantly surprised by the smile on Sousuke’s lips as he let his eyes close and his head fall into his pillow. “Sounds nice.”

 

“Yeah?” Rin bit his lip, rolling up onto his elbow and kissing Sousuke’s cheek. An indescribable warmth bubbling up in his chest, his smile aching as Sousuke leaned up into it. Humming as he rolled over onto his back for more kisses, the weak pressure of his lips against Rin’s softened by sleep. Unable to control himself Rin started to laugh, kissing his chin and his eyes and his forehead as a frenzied energy took over him.

 

“What?” he mumbled, though did nothing to stop the onslaught of kisses or the hands cradling his cheeks, holding him still as he stole kisses from pliant lips.

 

“Nothing,” Rin said, squishing his face and grinning at the gentle scowl he received. “I just love you.”

 

Rin felt Sousuke’s smile under his palms, the muscles in his cheeks pulling back his lips, eyes catching sight of pearly whites. Giving him one more kiss Rin settle against him, now taking Sousuke’s previous position, resting his head against Sousuke’s shoulder and swinging a leg over his. Slipping a hand under his shirt, Rin ran his fingers along his sides, skin radiating the warmth he craved. Like some kind of heated blanket, warm and comforting, reassuring.

 

“Love you too,” Sousuke mumbled, kissing the top of Rin’s head. Rin smirked at the delay, knowing Sousuke was aware, just incapable of processing words to speak quickly. He loved that about him, loved that it never changed. That he was still the same as when they were children. Rin leaned up and kissed his jawline, just missing his cheek before settling back into place.

 

Wiggling his way down to get his head off hard bone and onto soft, relaxed muscles, Rin’s inner thigh caught hint of something hard between Sousuke’s legs. It wasn’t the first morning wood they’ve felt, easily enough to ignore, but Rin glanced down to the tent in Sousuke’s sweats. Now pulled tight as Rin’s leg had shimmied them down, the dip of his muscles and the edge of his underwear were in clear view and he felt a little hot. Shifting so his own pants would feel a little more comfortable Rin looked up at Sousuke again, admiring the curves of his eyes, the thickness of his lashes. The contrast between his bow lips and sharp jaw.

 

It had been awhile since they touched each other, as much as Rin had wanted them to remain as they were, it was unavoidable. He had made Sousuke uncomfortable, and though it wasn’t necessarily either of their faults, it was strange and uncomfortable trying to start things up again. For three and a half weeks they had done nothing to so much as alleviate the other. Though the weight on Rin’s chest was heavy when he thought about it, it was mutual. He felt comfortable, relieved even, for the break. But as their inactivity began to approach a month Rin felt restless, and couldn’t control the heat between his legs or his desire to touch.

 

Still, Rin thought it was hardly fair if he coerced Sousuke into it, it was possible he still wasn’t comfortable with things, but would agree to it anyways, just as Rin would if asked. Letting his fingers trail up Sousuke’s side and over to his chest, he wondered if it’d be okay to just touch a little. He reasoned if Sousuke wanted him to stop, he would listen and they could just forget about it and continue as they are, but if he didn't want to stop then maybe they were ready to move on from their stalemate.

 

“Sousuke,” Rin whispered, wondering if he should ask. Sousuke’s chest rose and his eyes opened for just a second, another moment’s pause passing between them before he asked him what was wrong. “Nothing’s wrong. Are you sleeping?”

 

Sousuke’s eyebrows pulled up, and he chuckled just the tiniest bit, breathing in deep and letting it all rush out with his answer. “No.”

 

“You look like you’re sleeping,” Rin said, grinning as his fingers continued their dance under Sousuke’s shirt.

 

“How can I be sleeping when you’re talking to me?” Sousuke asked, holding him tighter.

 

“Sleep talking,” he hummed, placing his palm flat on Sousuke’s stomach. Sousuke’s leg moved and his body twitched.

 

“I don’t sleep talk,” Sousuke insisted, rolling his head to the side. “You’re crazy.”

 

“You do sleep talk,” Rin laughed. “I’ll have a whole conversation with you and you’ll forget it all.”

 

“Well, I’m awake right now. What is it?”

 

“Nothing,” Rin hummed, massaging trembling muscle under his palm. Sousuke squirmed, body torn between moving closer and pulling away. Rin’s leg, jostled out of its position, felt a much more awake morning wood against his inner thigh. Dipping below his waist band, Rin let his fingers play there, enjoying the way Sousuke sucked in a breath. Lower still he let his teasing fingers travel, pressing his palm against the wiry hairs at the base of his dick, the sides of his fingers rubbing against his hardening shaft.

 

“Rin, stop,” Sousuke groaned, shifting a little more. Rin pulled back his hand, biting his lip as he fixed Sousuke’s underwear and pants. It seemed it was still no good. “Wait, wait I lied. Don’t stop.”

 

“You sure?” Rin asked, looking back at him. Sousuke nodded, pulling the back of his hands to his eyes. “Tell me if you really want me to stop.”

 

Nodding being the only answer Sousuke seemed capable of, Rin took a deep breath and slid his hand back over Sousuke’s pants, rubbing him through the fabric and taking courage in the little thrusts against his hand. Yanking Sousuke’s pants down one side at a time was a little more difficult than he thought, be he was too comfortable where he was to bother use his other arm.

 

“Cold,” Sousuke whispered.

 

“Want the blanket back? You’re the one who kicked it off last night,” Rin laughed, wrapping his hand around Sousuke’s length. “It’s behind you.”

 

“S’fine.”

 

Rin didn’t miss the tightness in his face and smiled, looking down at what he was doing with a renewed sense of awe. Sliding his thumb over the head, pulling at an irregular beat as if his heart wasn’t going to burst out of his chest. Pulling back his hand for a second he lathered it with saliva, only catching the barest hint of Sousuke’s question before wrapping his wet hand around him and hearing him groan in his ear.

 

“Rin,” Sousuke moaned, the arm around him holding him to Sousuke in a desperateness that made him lose his breath. His own dick was hard and aching against Sousuke’s leg, and biting back his pride he began to grind into Sousuke’s side, picking up the speed of his hand to try and distract him.

 

“Rin, Rin you feel good,” he whispered, “you’re so hard. I wanna touch you.”

 

“It’s fine,” Rin said, sliding lower, gently rolling his balls between his hands. Sousuke moaned pulling up one leg and letting out a deep breath. “Already?” Rin asked, breathless in surprise as he saw how close Sousuke was. “Have you touched yourself since?”

 

“Not much,” Sousuke gritted out, his hand going down to join Rin’s, wide palm enveloping his. “Feels so, so good Rin.”

 

“Yeah, yeah it does,” Rin agreed, watching Sousuke’s face and feeling his heart squeeze. “I know we joked, but I missed this.”

 

“Me too,” Sousuke said, pulling Rin up for a kiss. “Rin wait—close.”

 

“That’s okay, just let go,” Rin whispered against his lips, eyes focused on Sousuke’s, widening as they watched his snap open before squeezing closed. His whole body tensed, Rin barely realizing it fast enough to catch his release. Like all the wind was knocked out of him, Rin watched in baited breath as Sousuke’s body jerked through his orgasm, lips caught between teeth the arm around him almost bruising.

 

“Shit,” Sousuke groaned as he came down, letting go of Rin in favor of covering his face. Rin half sitting back in surprise.

 

“Sousuke you—that was,” Rin stammered, shocked and heat covering his body and tightening his groin. “Did you really just cum hearing my voice?”

 

“Shut up,” Sousuke groaned, hiding from Rin’s prying eyes under his arm.

 

“Shit Sousuke,” Rin said, pushing his arm away and kissing him. “I love you.”

 

“You’re still hard,” Sousuke said, ignoring him, turning his face away, cheeks red. “Let me take care of it.”

 

“Yeah, okay,” Rin said, kissing him again. “Shit, Sousuke that was so hot.”

 

“Shut up,” he whined, trying his best to scowl at him. “We need tissues first. I don’t want to have to wash the bedsheets.”

 

“Right, right,” Rin said, getting up and turning around. He grabbed the issues from out under the bed and helped cleaned off his and Sousuke’s hands, then his softening and oversensitive length. “I’m serious though—there’s no need to be embarrassed Sousuke. That was—kind of amazing, actually. I would not mind that happening again.”

 

“Enough! I get it already,” Sousuke grumbled, pulling up his underwear and pants. “Now lay back down.”

 

“Right,” Rin said, getting comfortable. “Hey, I just realized something.”

 

“What’s that?” Sousuke said propping himself up on his side, kissing Rin’s neck.

 

“You’re wide awake now,” Rin laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys enjoying some alone time! Will try to get the next chapter out this coming Sunday but if not, the next Sunday for sure!

“Need help?”

 

“No, I got it, besides you made dinner,” Rin said, trying to blow his hair out of his face. Sliding up next to Rin, Sousuke dipped his hand into his pocket. “What are you doing?”

 

“Fixing your hair for you,” Sousuke hummed, pulling out the hair tie Rin usually kept there. He combed Rin’s hair back, tying it up and tucking the shorter strands behind his ears. Rin was staring at him, jaw dropped and a blush dusting his cheeks.

 

“Th—thanks,” Rin stuttered, turning back to the dishes. “Anyways, the food was delicious. You put the leftovers for Gou in the fridge, right?”

 

“Not yet,” Sousuke said, watching Rin with a smile before giving him a peck on the cheek.

 

“What are you doing!?” Rin yelled, flicking soapy water at him. “Go put it away!”

 

“Right, right,” Sousuke laughed, grabbing the food off the table and moving it to the refrigerator. Face red hot and fingers digging into the sponge in his hands as he scrubbed away at the dirty plates, Rin couldn’t help but to sneak a glance or two at Sousuke, heart skipping a beat every time he did. It felt foolish to be so giddy about seeing Sousuke, but their weekend was a far cry from their life at the dorms and it brought butterflies into his stomach.

 

“So did you have fun?” Rin asked. “Staying here with me, I mean.”

 

“The weekend isn’t over yet, but yeah, I’m having fun,” Sousuke said with a grin. “Everything’s put away. Do you want me to dry the dishes?”

 

“If you want,” Rin said, making a mental checklist of things they had to do before Gou was to return home. “Gou said she wasn’t going to be home until Sunday afternoon and Mom’s out on a trip so we should probably do some cleaning for them.”

 

“You already cleaned everything yesterday,” Sousuke said. “What else is there to do?”

 

“Laundry. They have no clean towels remember? We had to use our ones for the pool yesterday. We’ll use them again tonight, but they should have some ready for when they come home. I can’t believe what a mess this place is.”

 

“They certainly aren’t you,” Sousuke laughed, leaning against the counter and grabbing a dishtowel. “You know, this has been really nice. It’s a shame we have to go back tomorrow.”

 

 

“I know,” Rin sighed. “I was a little disappointed no one was home at first, but it was nice—being here, just the two of us. Kind of like playing house or something,” he hummed. “I like having a place to ourselves.”

 

“I like having a bathroom to ourselves,” Sousuke groaned. “I don’t know how it’s going to be possible to go back to shower stalls.”

 

“Speaking of, want to start the bath?” Rin asked, turning to him. His face was bright red but there was eagerness in his gaze. “Since, you know, we can’t exactly be taking one tomorrow.”

 

“Sure.” Sousuke placed the towel on the counter and leaned in for a kiss, one Rin gave with a grin, and then he was off to the bathroom.

 

Rin put the plate in he was holding back in the sink and sank down to the ground, leaning his head against the cool wood cabinet and biting his lip. He hadn’t expected things to turn out like they had. The long and unexpected self-study weekend had turned into a mini vacation for him and Sousuke. He tried to quell the disappointment he felt knowing it’d have to end.

 

They’d meet up with his friends and see Gou, which were both wonderful in their own way, but being alone with Sousuke, it was something else. Going shopping for food, cleaning the house, taking a shower together. The memory of their bodies pressed against each other under the shower’s spray, though initially nerve-wracking, was comfortable. Like a blissful dream.

 

Rin stood up, picking back up the dish and the sponge and getting to work. It was a sudden and wondrous glimpse into the future, he decided. A wonderful, fantastic, amazing future.

 

“What’s up?” As smooth as the voice in his ear, arms wrapped around Rin’s waist and a chin rested itself on his shoulder. “You look like you’re thinking about something.”

 

“I am thinking, I’m thinking why are you here,” Rin said a bit louder. “I know the bathtub can’t be full yet.”

 

“It’ll spill when we both get in if I fill it up anymore,” Sousuke answered. Rin rolled his lips between his teeth, rinsing off the dishes and putting them in the drying wrack. “All done?”

 

“Yeah,” he answered, turning around in Sousuke’s arms, hands grabbing onto his. “You know, I said no fooling around while we were here.”

 

“I’m not doing anything,” Sousuke argued, eyes widening and a pout on his lips, silenced as Rin’s hands went to his hips pulling him closer.

 

“I know you aren’t. I’m saying that, maybe, since it’s the last day,” Rin muttered, “and no one is home.”

 

“Rin,” Sousuke said, Rin knowing by his tone of voice that he was foolish for saying anything. Hands held his face still as he tried to pull away. Shame and hurt contorted his face as he looked to the side, not wanting to see Sousuke’s eyes. “You didn’t want to because this is their home, and that’s okay. Besides, I’m happy we get to spend time together like this. We don’t get to do all this back at school.”

 

“That’s true, it’s just we didn’t really do anything before we came—aren’t you frustrated?”

 

“Are you?”

 

Rin stopped himself and shook his head. “Not really, maybe a little, but I guess no more than normal.”

 

“Then we can worry about that when we get back to the dorms tomorrow,” Sousuke said, kissing his cheek. “It’s only been two days. Keep your promise, we can wait another day. Besides, it’s not like I can’t touch you,” he whispered, kissing his lips and grabbing hold of his hands again. “Come on, the bath is going to get cold.”

 

“Okay,” Rin sighed, though his lips quirked just a little as Sousuke led them out of the kitchen. Rin trying to check everything one last time as he was pulled out of the room and into the lit hallway. When they got to the bathroom they stripped themselves of their clothes, Sousuke stepping in first, pushing himself back against the tub. Rin stepped in next, laughing when he was finally seated, their knees scrunched up and knocking together.

 

“This is ridiculous.”

 

“It is,” Sousuke agreed leaning back and pulling Rin to lean back with him. Rin let his head fall back against Sousuke’s shoulder, resting his forehead against Sousuke’s cheek. They were silent for a while, just enjoying the hot water warming up their skin, ignoring the awkwardness of their limbs for the rest of them were too comfortable.

 

“You look tired,” Sousuke whispered, the fingers running through Rin’s hair lulling him to sleep.

 

“Forget doing laundry, let’s just go to bed,” he agreed. “Tomorrow we have to go out and see Nagisa and them.”

 

“Need energy to survive that,” Sousuke joked, causing Rin to chuckle. “What time is Gou coming home tomorrow?”

 

“Not sure, but if we get up for our morning run we’ll be fine. We’ll clean everything up and get our things together. If someone isn’t too slow we might be able to have breakfast together,” Rin said, staring at the faucet, the shiny medal showing morphed blobs of color back at them.

 

“We can’t if Gou is home?”

 

“I meant together,” Rin emphasized, grabbing Sousuke’s hand and waffling their fingers. “Just the two of us.”

 

“It’s true that we can’t steal kisses if she’s here.”

 

“I meant being able to be close to each other, but sure,” Rin teased, “I guess the kisses are nice. Even if your breath always stinks after breakfast.”

 

“You’re the one who doesn’t like sweet breakfasts.”

 

“So you’re saying your smelly breath is my fault,” Rin accused turning his head back to look at him.

 

“Yours isn’t much better, isn’t that why you always have mints on hand?” Sousuke countered, hissing when Rin elbowed the soft inner flesh of Sousuke’s arms. “That hurt.”

 

“You started it.”

 

“Actually, you started it.”

 

“If we weren’t crammed in a bathtub I’d kick you.”

 

“Good thing we are then,” Sousuke said, wrapping his arms around Rin’s stomach. “But I don’t know how we’re going to get washed like this.”

 

“We’ll figure it out when the water’s cold,” Rin hummed. “Let’s just relax right now.”

 

“Just don’t fall asleep,” Sousuke said, yawning as he said so. Rin started to laugh, bringing Sousuke’s hand to his lips. The water in the tub splashed up on the sides as his shaking body made tiny waves.

 

“I’m not the one who has to worry about that.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry again… double update this time. Things will get better again!

It was cold, his chest and arms growing colder and waking him up. His eyes were full of an assortment of colors, reds and oranges and greens and all the strange combinations that come from looking at one’s own inner lids. Groaning he reached out and felt Sousuke’s back, he was sitting up.

 

“Sousuke,” Rin groaned. “Turn off the light.”

 

When he got no response, he opened his eyes, intent on seeing what was wrong only to see Sousuke was pin straight, a pale and sickly look in his eyes. Rin pushed up onto his elbows and turned to see where he was looking, fear striking him dumb as he saw his sister standing at their door with one hand on the light switch.

 

“Gou,” Rin croaked, sitting up. “W—what are you doing here?”

 

His mind was reeling, trying to form words and excuses and anything he could to explain why he and Sousuke were in such a compromising position. He thought, maybe just for a second, Gou didn’t understand, but her eyes were focused on anything but them, and her knuckles were white clutching the door knob.

 

“Chiaki got the stomach bug so we were all driven home,” she said. “I just thought I’d let you know.”

 

Rin’s arms and hands went numb and his bones ached. Her voice was distant, and she did not call them by name as she normally would. Sousuke still wasn’t say anything beside him, but Rin couldn’t tear his eyes off Gou. Her brows were scrunching up, contorting in confusion and emotions Rin couldn't name as she looked down to the ground.

 

“Gou,” Rin whispered, his hands beginning to tremble. “Gou let me explain, you see I—we—,” he stammered, but Gou interrupted him.

 

“It’s late. It’s very late, it’s already midnight. I’m sorry I woke you two up. I’m going to bed. Good night.” And with that she shut the door, a tiny thud as it was pulled against the frame a little too harshly. Scrambling out of bed to follow her because it was the only thing he could think of doing he threw open his door just fast enough to see her shut her own and hear the finality of her door lock click.

 

Sinking to the floor Rin couldn’t hear anything but the ringing in his ears and see the dimly lit corridor distort under his stinging and water filled eyes. A warm palm and icy fingers grabbed onto his arm, pulling him into a hug. Blindly clinging to Sousuke his tears came out silent but his breath was hindered, stuttered and shaky, but above all else, suffocating. Sousuke’s arms wrapped around him, clutching at him and helping pulling him up. Rin couldn’t see or hear anything besides his own ragged breath, though he noticed the room was dark again as Sousuke guided them back to bed.

 

“I’m an idiot,” Rin cried into Sousuke’s shoulder. “An idiot. Stupid, stupid, stupid! What is wrong with me!?”

 

“Rin,” Sousuke whispered, running his hands through his hair. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

 

“She hates me,” Rin cried. “She deserves to! I’m—I’m—fuck! I’m not supposed to be like this—we’re not—she wasn’t supposed to see us like that!”

 

“Rin,” Sousuke cooed, pulling him closer, rubbing his back. His voice was firm but Rin could feel how cold he was, like all the life had been sucked out of him. “It’s going to be okay.”

 

Rin said no more, finding it hard to make words. The nausea in his stomach was deep set, churning and more painful than he had ever felt before. Dull, and heavy, his body buzzing with an energy that had no power. He felt himself sinking into an abyss, the only thing holding him to earth being the warm patch his hands found between Sousuke’s shoulder blades.

 

A pounding began between his stinging eyes and the hole growing in his chest grew wide and deep. It was exhausting in a way swimming could never achieve, yet sleep did not find him. Rin could feel Sousuke awake beside him and so they stayed awake late into the night, clinging to each other with no words of comfort to help calm or ease their anxieties and pain. Rin saw the bright green of his childhood clock change from one to two, and two to three, and in the darkness he watched time tick away and felt no better.

 

When the sun began to creep through the sides of the window blinds his dread renewed with a great force. He couldn’t move, crippled by some invisible weight holding him down. Sousuke was the first to get up, groggy, blood shot eyes looking at Rin’s. Rin couldn't greet him. He was so exhausted. He just wanted to drift away and phase out of existence. He wanted to fade, fade away from memory and thought. To not exist and to not have brought such trouble to the people who loved him.

 

What little warmth and comfort there had been between the two of them was only noticeable in its loss when Sousuke left the bed for the bathroom. A warm washcloth was pressed against his eyes shortly after, wiping away dry and crusty tears, bringing some minor physical relief. Rin couldn’t find it in him to thank Sousuke, though the sentiment was there echoing in his heart, no words left his lips. Sousuke turned away from him, tossing the damp towel on Rin’s wood desk and sitting against the bed.

 

“Sousuke,” Rin whispered, grabbing his hand. “We’ll explain everything to Gou today,” he said, though there was no confidence in his words. He wanted to comfort him somehow, and maybe he wanted to reassure himself as well. “She’ll understand if we just tell her properly.”

 

“Gou’s gone.”

 

Rin paused, feeling his stomach churn and his lips tremble. “What?”

 

“She’s already left,” Sousuke said, not facing him. “Her room’s empty and her shoes are gone.”

 

His heart stopped. Tears came pouring out and he choked and wheezed, trying to catch his breath. Sousuke was calling his name beside him, holding onto him and telling him to calm down but he couldn’t. Sucking in frantic breaths as he tried to push Sousuke away, choking on the water slipping into his mouth, eyes squeezed tight, he could only think of Gou. He could only think of how she was gone, she left without a word.

 

Rin shoved Sousuke away. Unable to see past his tears but stumbling his way out of his room, Sousuke on his heels. He didn’t know where he was going but he had to move, had to go, had to do something. Throwing open Gou’s bedroom door he saw Sousuke was right, and before he could be stopped he was dashing towards the front door, swinging it open and running out, the cold concrete biting his bare skin.

 

“Rin!” A rough hand grabbed onto his arm, whipping him back into Sousuke’s chest. “Rin what are you doing! Calm down—it’s freezing out here you don’t even have your shoes on!”

 

“It’s my fault! She’s gone Sousuke! She hates me now and I—! I shouldn't have done this I should have come here with you!” He cried, trying to pull away, but Sousuke’s grip on his arms were solid and he dragged the other back inside. “Let go! Sousuke let go! I have to find her! I have to talk to her!”

 

“RIN!” Sousuke yelled. His voice was so loud he flinched and went limp as a fish in his arms because he knew he was being foolish. Still, Sousuke held on until they were both safely sitting on the floor, and Rin accepted it. He knew there was nothing he could do, but he couldn’t hear it. “Rin, she just—she needs time. She’s confused—it’s okay. It’ll be okay. You’re her precious older brother. She loves you. You have to get a hold of yourself, look how cold you are.”

 

Sousuke’s hands left his arms for his feet, already white as paper. He grabbed them, trying to warm them up. Rin looked up and saw tears in Sousuke’s eyes. Trying to wipe them away, apologies sounding cheap even in his own ears, Rin wrapped his arms around him. “Sorry, sorry. I’m sorry Sousuke I,” he cried, burying his face in the crook of his neck. “Sorry. It’s all my fa—fault. It’s my—!”

 

“Rin, it’s not your fault,” he said. “It’s not your fault.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Minor Warning:** None explicit talk of an abusive parental figure.
> 
> Not exactly the best place to end, but I thought it was a little better than to leave it hanging where the last chapter ended. They will be happy again soon!

The door creaked open and the click of the light switch being flipped was heard. What was once a poorly lit room, stagnant in the darkness of the little room, was now bright. Still, the light which poured into his eyes did not brighten anything except the room and brought no comfort to him. Turning away from his companion, both to ignore how humiliated he was feeling for being in such a pathetic state and to shield himself from seeing the sadness in his love’s eyes.

 

“You didn’t eat again,” Sousuke said, shutting the door behind him. “You should eat something Rin.”

 

“Can’t,” Rin said simply, because it was the truth. No hunger, no sleep, no thirst, no human function compelled him to do anything other than to lay in the dark, out of sight, and mourn in perpetual exhaustion and sadness.

 

He felt pathetic, feeling himself dramatic, but he could find no motivation to move. Already it was the third day since his sister found out, and already it was the third day since Rin found himself incapable of breathing properly let alone move. His phone was off, unqualified to talk to his concerned friends. Friends who didn’t deserve him blowing them off callously at the train station that day. It was not as though everyone he knew had come to see him in his darkest hour, but he was hurt, and felt sick, and spitting crude words about his love for the same sex to try and cut them off was the only answer he had.

 

The bed dipped under Sousuke’s weight, one hand resting on Rin’s shoulder. Despite everything, Sousuke was trying his best for him. Bringing him bottles of water and small packages of food, making up excuses for Rin’s absence, going to class and practice despite desperately needing to hide away in the dark himself. Rin was grateful, and resentful for it. He loved Sousuke, and hated himself for making him go through so much.

 

“Your friends were at practice today,” Sousuke told him, his voice soft and cautious. Rin’s jaw clenched, realizing he had forgotten all about their joint practice, and feeling terrible for letting Sousuke deal with it alone. “They’re worried about you. They told me to tell you they’re happy for us, and that they want to help whatever’s wrong. Gou wasn’t there, but I don’t think your friends know about what happened. You should talk to them.”

 

“I will,” Rin said, though they both knew he had no intentions of talking to them any time soon. “Thanks Sousuke.”

 

“You don’t need to thank me,” he said, pulling his hand back.

 

“I mean for everything.”

 

“Rin,” Sousuke sighed. “Shouldn’t we break up?”

 

Rin’s eyes opened wide, and he turning onto his back to see Sousuke staring at the wall ahead, his face solemn. Taking a deep breath, he reached out and grabbed a hold of Sousuke’s elbow, tugging his arm back to him until he had his hand safely wrapped up in his. “Don’t say that.”

 

“I just don’t know what else to do to help,” he whispered. Rin’s eyes began to water, pulling on the other until Sousuke was lying down next to him. Glossy eyes met glossy eyes and they gazed at each other in silence. Rin gave him a trembling smile, and a shaky breath as he caressed Sousuke’s cheek.

 

“You’ve done more than you needed to,” he reassured him. “Don’t just decide the only answer left is to take away the one thing making me happy.”

 

“You aren’t happy,” Sousuke accused, though his voice was soft. “You’re miserable.”

 

“If you weren’t here I’d probably die then,” Rin said, a smile on though Sousuke did not appreciate it, even if it was meant to be a joke. His eyes were hard and Rin’s teasing façade broke with little resistance. “She would have figured it out someday. They all would have.”

 

“She didn’t have to find out like this,” Sousuke argued, though his face began to soften. “I’m sure she just doesn’t know what to say.”

 

“I don’t know what to say either,” Rin laughed, though the sound was hollow and grating in his own ears. “Not to her, not to them. But I do know what I want to say to you.”

 

“And what’s that?” Sousuke asked, closing his eyes and wrapping his arm around Rin.

 

“Don’t ever suggest breaking up again.”

 

“Figured you’d say that,” Sousuke said, the briefest of smiles showing up on his lips.

 

“Well I’m serious,” Rin said, pulling Sousuke closer, shoving his head against his chest and threading his hand through his hair. “Don’t ever suggest that, not as a joke, and definitely not as a solution. If everyone else hates me, as long as you like me I can get through it.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah. Just might take me awhile to get over it,” Rin said, a tear falling out of his eye and his voice beginning to tremble as he thought of Gou and his mother. He sniffed and let out a shaky breath, trying to hold back his tears. “I’m sorry I haven’t been the best boyfriend in the world. Feels like I bring nothing but trouble and bad experiences. I want you to be happy.”

 

“You say that but I’m happy when you’re happy,” Sousuke said with a muffled laugh, hot breath warming Rin’s chest.

 

“And I can’t even do that right.”

 

“Rin.”

 

Rin shut his mouth and tried to calm his breathing. It wasn't late but it was late enough that he started to feel the weight of what has been done lay heavily on him. It would be a miracle for Gou to ever feel the same about him again, but if she could just find it in herself to not hate him he’d take it. He’d do anything she asked of him to make things right. Rin stopped breathing for just a moment, a thought popping into his head that stole his breath.

 

“I’m a horrible brother,” Rin whispered, his heart beginning to sting. “I can't do anything for her.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Sousuke asked, trying to see Rin only to be held down by his arms. He pressed his lips against Sousuke’s forehead and shut his eyes tight, tears making their escape.

 

“I can't break up with you,” he continued, voice tight. “It's the only thing. That's the only thing, so if she says that's the only way for us to be together I can't. I'm a horrible brother.”

 

“Rin if it comes down to that you shouldn't,” Sousuke started but Rin squeezed him and shook his head.

 

“I won't lose you,” Rin answered. “I’ll choose you.”

 

“Rin.”

 

“She doesn't really love me if she asks that,” he cried, breathing picking up to an unsteady pace. “She   she’ll never really love m—me.”

 

“Rin,” Sousuke said with more urgency in his voice. He pulled away and sat up. “Rin you have to take deep breaths.”

 

“I’m trying   it’s   just,” he sobbed, rubbing at his eyes. “Sorry.”

 

“Don't be,” Sousuke said, helping him sit up and putting a hand on his chest. “Just breath with me, okay?”

 

Rin nodded, his fast breaths and cries joined by hiccups, his fist tightly wrapped up in their sheets, angry at his own weakness. He didn't want to be so out of control of his emotions but crying seemed to be the only thing he was capable of since Gou left. Holding the hand pressed firmly against him he tried his best to stop his trembling, his hiccups and stuttered breaths making it nearly impossible to hold a breath long enough to exhale properly.

 

“I wanted to say this before,” Sousuke said, though he spoke slowly, eyes unfocused and aimed at the corner of Rin’s shirt. “But I didn't really know how to. I'm sorry for yelling at you.”

 

“What? Wh—when did you yell   at   me?” Rin asked, scowling in frustration over his inability to speak one normal sentence. Sousuke furrowed his brows and pursed his lips.

 

“When you were crying, I should have been trying to help calm you down but I kind of lost it. I didn't mean to scare you.”

 

“Scare me? What,” Rin covered his mouth and held his breath, glaring at Sousuke. They sat in silence and Rin wanted to yell about the annoyance of choking on his own words, he hated it. It was maddening and it just brought back more tears as he thought about it. “What on e—earth are you talking   about?”

 

“You flinched,” Sousuke informed him, finally meeting his gaze.

 

“You mean at my house? You   were   loud,” Rin said. “And I didn't want to admit   you were   right. I was freaking out.”

 

“You really sound funny talking like that,” Sousuke said with a slight teasing grin.

 

“You’re lying,” Rin said. “You don't   think it's funny at all. You’re just try—trying to avoid   this. But wait a minute I hate   talking like this.”

 

They waited in silence, Sousuke grabbing Rin’s hand and rubbing circles into it, trying to calm him. Rin continued to sulk, irritated and having a million things to say to Sousuke, but knowing if he tried talking again too soon it’d just be as hard as before. The air between them was quiet outside of Rin’s erratic breaths and hiccups, but not as stiff as it had been when he was alone. Rin focused on breathing deep slow breaths, and even the shudder of his heart stopped being so hard to ignore.

 

When the convulsions and trembles began to finally settle it was Sousuke who took a deep breath. “I just didn't expect to lose control like that. I didn't want to yell at you, I just kind of did and I'm sorry. I didn't know how to help.”

 

“You're not him,” Rin said, proud of himself for keeping it together enough to say that much. Sousuke’s eyes were wide and he looked away for a moment. It seemed that he had thought it hadn’t been obvious, but Rin knew him better than that.

 

“I look like him.”

 

“But you aren't him,” Rin said.

 

“But what if I am like him,” Sousuke said, turning away and dropping Rin’s hand. “Rin I just blanked seeing you like that. I was way too rough on you getting you back into the house, and even after that. I shouldn't have handled it like that.”

 

“It didn't hurt,” he assured him, grabbing his hand. “You didn't hurt me even though I struggled. You,” Rin stopped, feeling his breathing begin to shallow. Sousuke waited patiently with him, looking at him with lost and troubled eyes. “You didn't hurt me. And you yelled because you were afraid I’d hurt myself. Not because you were angry.”

 

Sousuke scowled, because he had been caught. He was upset, and scared, and unlike Rin he wasn't crying the feelings away, just bottling them up. Rin could see it, could hear it, and he couldn't ignore it any more than Sousuke could ignore him. If he hadn’t been so keen on going to class and practice for them both Rin would have confronted him on it earlier. But as it were, he did go, and at night Rin could feel or think of nothing but his own pain.

 

“Tell me what's wrong,” Rin ordered, breathing in through his nose as he felt a tiny tremble in his chest.

 

“You have all this faith in me, and you're always saying you're the one who is bringing us trouble, but what if it's not just you? What if I'm just like my dad. What if one day I just can't handle it and I hit you?” Sousuke stressed, voice high and strung out at the end. His eyes desperate for confirmation that that would never happen. Begging him for reassurance.

 

“You’re not just like your dad,” Rin breathed, confident in every word. “You just think that.”

 

“I look just like him.”

 

“You smile like your mom,” Rin said, shaking his head. Sousuke reared back, shocked by his words before letting out a small mirthless chuckle.

 

“My mom doesn't smile.”

 

“She did,” Rin informed him, smiling himself though it wobbled under his irregular breathing. “When you both would come over and she’d sit and watches us with my mom. She’d smile just like you do.”

 

“I don't remember that,” Sousuke whispered, though his lips turned up just a little.

 

“She did. And she’d never get angry, not really. She was always yell at us if she was scared if we had hurt ourselves.”

 

“She’d yell because we were reckless,” Sousuke said though his smile grew wider. Rin raised his eyebrows and let out a shaky laugh, knowing Sousuke didn't believe his own words.

 

“You’re more like your mother in the important ways.”

 

“You think so?”

 

“I know so,” Rin said. “Better even, since you won't settle for someone like your dad.”

 

“You are absolutely nothing like him,” Sousuke agreed, both grinning at each other, a ghost of a laugh on their lips.

 

“What will you do?” Rin asked suddenly, wiping at his dry and tired eyes. “About us and them I mean?”

 

“I’ll keep quiet,” Sousuke said with a shrug. “And stay quiet until I can live on my own and away from them. Then I'll tell them. I'll tell them at the same time so dad won't think mom knew. He’ll get mad and threaten to disown me, and then I'll just leave.”

 

“Me too, I wanted it to be like that.”

 

“Rin?”

 

He took a deep breath and wiped at his eyes again, still so dry but hurting painfully. “I’d wait until it was safe to tell them and I’d hope they'd understand but if they didn't I’d still be a professional swimmer and I could live on my own. And I’d have friends who understand and I’d have you. It wasn't supposed to happen like this.”

 

“Hey,” Sousuke whispered, pulling him into a hug. Rin moved forward, wrapping his legs and arms around Sousuke and giving him a tight squeeze. He could practically feel the him spinning his wheels, trying to think of ways to comfort him.

 

“Where do you want to live Sousuke?”

 

Rin felt Sousuke pause, his thoughts seemingly coming to a halt.

 

“Well, with you preferably.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’M SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT! December was crazy and then I got sick, so to make up for it this will be a multi chapter update! I hope everyone enjoys!!!

Days went by, and still Rin received no word from either his mother or sister. Normally it wouldn’t be alarming to not hear from them for large portions of time, but he was nervous about what that silence might mean now that Gou knew the truth. Despite how miserable and anxious he was, Rin started going to class and practice again. No one said a word to him about his sudden absence, but if he knew Sousuke like he did he could figure out why.

 

He appreciated it, he did, especially in moments of weakness. If anyone noticed him wiping at misty eyes, they said nothing. It was hardest to hide it during lessons, no way to step away or avoid it. Feigning headaches was the only way he could get through it. The teachers were more inquisitive than the students, but he was excused, and since they all knew him to be an exemplary student they simply asked him to maintain his grades and to show up for class from then on, unless receiving a proper note of absence.

 

It was easier to maintain routine than he thought, though Ai and Momo were the most noticeably different since his return. They looked bouncy, they wouldn’t stop fidgeting, but whenever they opened their mouths they’d look to Sousuke and run away. Rin wasn’t sure what Sousuke told them, but it was easier to handle holding down his tears without those two jumping down his throat for answers.

 

“They’re awfully loud out there,” Rin said, drying his hair with a towel. Sousuke hummed, putting away his shower supplies. “Tomorrow we have a little free time, do you want to do something?”

 

“If you’re up to it,” Sousuke said, pulling out his desk chair and sitting on it with a sigh. “We have that English test Monday.”

 

“Then maybe we should stay in and study,” Rin hummed, pulling his towel down around his neck. “Maybe that’s a good idea.”

 

“After this week that sounds like a great idea,” Sousuke agreed, holding up his arms for Rin. Rin stared at him and laughed. “What?” He demanded, pulling his arms back to himself, embarrassed and sulking. Rin rolled his eyes and walked over to him, grabbing his arms and wrapping them around himself as he sat down.

 

“Don’t be such a baby, you just looked cute,” he said, sighing. “God your lap is uncomfortable.”

 

“You’re not exactly a soft pillow either.”

 

“Point taken,” he mumbled, running his hands through Sousuke’s damp hair. “I love you, you know that?”

 

“Do I?”

 

“Don’t be a little shit.”

 

“Yeah, that sounds like you love me alright,” Sousuke teased, his laugh shaking the two of them. “You know this chair is surprisingly sturdy.”

 

“You say that now,” Rin said, standing up, slipping out of Sousuke’s arms. “But you won’t be saying that when it breaks. Come on, let’s go get dinner.”

 

Before Sousuke could say anything, there was a loud and rapid banging on their door. “Matsuoka-senpai!”

 

“Momo! Stop hitting our door like that!” Rin growled, pulling open the door with a scowl on his face. His breath caught. Momo was standing to the side, an urgent and excited look on his face. Beside him was Gou, standing there with pursed lips and wide eyes mimicking his own. “Gou. W—what are you doing here?”

 

“I came to see you,” she said. “May I come in?”

 

“Yeah,” Rin gulped, stepping back. “Of course, uh. You didn’t call.”

 

Gou frowned a moment and entered the room, turning her head back and thanking Momo in short curt words before Rin shut the door in his face. “You can sit,” Rin started, Sousuke already up on his feet and offering her his chair. She angled it more towards the rest of the room and sat down, flattening her skirt.

 

“I’ll just,” Sousuke muttered, moving towards the door. Rin caught his wrist, squeezing it tight enough his hand ached. Sousuke didn’t say anything, only adjusted his grip so that they were holding hands. Rin’s legs were beginning to shake. Sousuke tugged him to the bed and they sat on the edge, looking back at Gou.

 

“Where do I start,” she sighed. “I’m sorry. I am, I really am. I didn’t know what to think when I saw you two and I avoided dealing with it when I should have stayed to hear what you had to say! I was surprised, but I didn’t mean to give you the cold shoulder like that. I know you and Sousuke have been having a hard time since then.”

 

“It’s,” Rin choked, surprised tears welling up in his eyes. “It’s okay. I’m sorry you had to find out like that—it wasn’t my intention for you to see us. I wanted to tell you about us—about me when it was the right time but I screwed it all up. I just wanted to be a good brother to you.”

 

“You are a good brother! You’re a great brother!” Gou instead, shocked and forceful in her words. “Don’t say that! I’m an awful sister for not having noticed before. It’s my fault for not paying attention!”

 

“Gou,” Rin whimpered, tears falling freely down his cheeks. Gou sat up straight, a frown on her lips, uncomfortable with her brother’s tears.

 

“I didn’t know how you felt all this time, and I feel awful about it. There’s so much to consider, like how mom or Sousuke’s parents would take it. Or how your friends would feel, and how other people see you. How it’d affect your careers! I read a lot about it these past few days trying to understand how you feel,” she told him, a serious look on her face. “I’m so sorry I didn’t notice all the troubles you must have faced. No matter if you’re my older brother or my older sister, of course I’ll love you!”

 

Rin’s body froze, Sousuke beside him also tensing. “What?”

 

“I read a lot about it online and it seems there’s a lot of people out there,” she continued, a knot growing in Rin’s stomach with every word.

 

“Gou, I’m not a girl.”

 

Gou froze, stunned into a brief silence. “Then why would you—I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to assume! I didn’t have anyone reliable to talk to so I was just trusting what I read online. That’s great—your muscles would not fare well if you took hormones after all. All the definition would be lost!”

 

“Ha, yeah,” Rin said, trying to laugh and give her a smile. “Thanks Gou.”

 

“I’ll definitely understand better soon, so I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I will do my best to support you and Sousuke!” Gou said, pulling up a determined fist. “You two can count on me!”

 

“This is more than enough already, Gou. I thought we’d never get to talk again,” Rin admitted, chin trembling, he sucked in a shaky breath.

 

“Of course we would,” she whispered, wiping at her own oncoming tears. “Well, I just want you two to know that I support you, and talk to you in person, but I should go. I was told this isn’t proper visiting time so I could get you both in trouble for being here.”

 

“Gou,” Rin whispered, standing up as she did.

 

“Yes?”

 

Without another word, he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her close. She hugged him back and he felt her tears on his shoulder. “Thank you.”

 

“There’s nothing to thank,” she cried. Rin let go of her after a few seconds, rubbing at his eyes and laughing when he saw her do the same. “I have to go now. But we’ll talk again soon, right?”

 

“Yeah, whenever you want,” Rin said, walking her to the door. “Do you want me to walk you to the bus stop?”

 

“It’s not that late, besides I think I have an escort waiting for me,” Gou said. She took a deep breath and smiled at him. “I’ll text you when I’m home.”

 

“Okay,” Rin said, opening the door. Sure enough, Momo was sitting in the hallway waiting, head perking up when he saw the door open. “Gou, you can talk to Nagisa if, well, if you have any questions about me. He knows so you can go to him.”

 

She looked surprised, showing him a gentle smile before nodding.

 

“Gou-chan, is Matsuoka-senpai walking you out?” Momo asked, deflating on the spot.

 

“No, she said you were going to walk her to the bus. If you try anything or if she doesn't get there safely you’re dead Mikoshiba,” Rin promised, scowling at him.

 

“You can count on me, Matsuoka-senpai!” Momo yelled with a salute, running off ahead without Gou, cheering them forward. Gou waved one last time before following him out. Rin watched their retreating forms as far as the hall before shutting his door.

 

“You didn’t walk her yourself?” Sousuke asked, standing up. Rin stared at the door in front of him, hand still on the knob.

 

“I don’t think I can right now.”

 

“How do you feel?”

 

“Sick.” Rin frowned. “It felt weird. It still feels weird.”

 

“Yeah,” Sousuke agreed. “It was a little uncomfortable, but I'm happy she came.”

 

“I guess.”

 

“You okay?”

 

Rin turned around, looking at Sousuke who was standing awkward and lost next to the bed. His throat felt like it was closing in, the feeling under his skin uncomfortable and reminiscent of the night Gou found them. “You heard it too, right?”

 

“Heard what?”

 

“Before. She didn't say it but you could hear it. ‘If you're not a girl then why would you like a guy?’” he mumbled, finally letting go of the door. “Do I have to be a woman to love you? Why can’t I just like you while still being me?”

 

“I don't think she meant it like that. You have to be a little patient with her, this is probably the first time she’s had to think about it this deeply.”

 

“I guess,” Rin whispered, staring at the floor. He felt just a bit better when he remembered how she hugged him. “At least she doesn't hate me.”

 

Sousuke crossed over to him, grabbing his hands and pulling him back to the bed. “And she’s trying, maybe if you just give her some time she’ll understand it better. It was a good idea telling her about Nagisa. He might be able to explain it to her without,” Sousuke mumbled, his thumbs rubbing circles into the back of Rin’s hands.

 

“Without getting emotional?” Rin offered, a lopsided smirk, but he dropped it when he saw Sousuke’s glare. He knew the self-deprecating jokes weren’t appropriate but he didn’t know what else to do or say to make things feel lighter.

 

“Without being hurt when she’s says something upsetting. She doesn’t mean it but it won't make it any less painful.”

 

“That’s true,” he reasoned. Rin looked down at their hands, changing the grip so he was holding onto Sousuke’s, intertwining their fingers. “I can't tell if I should be happy or not. I feel like I want to puke.”

 

“Then don't think about it. You don't have to feel any one way about it. If that's how you feel then it's how you feel,” Sousuke whispered. Rin looked up at him, admiring the downward angle of his nose and the pout on his lips as he looked at their hands.

 

“I feel like I need a hug,” Rin said, voice picking up at the end, a small grin on when Sousuke looked up at him, mouth open in soft surprise.

 

“I can certainly help with that,” Sousuke said, sitting up straighter and letting go of Rin’s hands. Rin scooted forward, wrapping his arms around Sousuke’s shoulders and pulling him close. The arms around his waist were warm and grounding and that’s all he needed to feel like he could breathe a little easier.

 

“Thanks.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	24. Chapter 24

Rin let out a deep sigh, hugging Nagisa with as much force as the smaller boy hugged him, just enough that it hurt. “I’m sorry, Nagisa.”

 

“Don’t be sorry Rin-chan! I heard everything from Gou-chan,” Nagisa said, shaking his head, voice breaking. “You should have told me! I could have helped you feel a little better—or I wouldn’t have called you so much! You needed time and we were just bothering you trying to figure out what was wrong.”

 

“Nagisa if you knew you would have come to break down my dorm door,” Rin joked, a slight laugh. “Thanks though. She did talk to you? How is she?”

 

“Confused,” Nagisa said pulling back, but not letting go of Rin. “But she loves you a lot. She doesn’t seem upset, she just doesn’t know how to talk to you properly yet. You and Sou-chan are so important to her she doesn’t want to hurt you both!”

 

“It’s enough that she’s trying,” Rin said, smiling. “Really. Thanks. For being there for me, and for Sousuke. And for helping Gou. And for calming down Haru and them. Honestly just thanks for everything, Nagisa.”

 

“It’s no problem Rin-chan! Everyone is still really worried, I haven’t said anything—I didn’t know if you wanted me to,” Nagisa admitted, finally stepping back from Rin and looking at Sousuke. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to tell them or to play it off, so really I couldn't help much in calming them.”

 

Rin grabbed Sousuke’s hand and took in a deep breath. “I was planning on telling them. But our parents still don’t know and I don’t know how well Rei can keep a secret.”

 

“You don’t have to worry about Rei-chan! He has no interest in ‘illogical things like love,’” Nagisa said, deepening his voice and pretending to push up glasses before pointing a finger gun at them. “Besides he couldn’t come today. Mako-chan and Haru-chan are in the living room right now waiting for you two, but Rin-chan we’re just hanging out so you don’t have to be worried. They just want to know if you’re alright is all!”

 

“Yeah,” Rin hummed, smiling a little as he took of his shoes. “Must have been a shock.”

 

“Of course it was! Rin-chan saying things like that so callously,” Nagisa muttered. “Like you didn’t want to be friends anymore.”

 

“Yeah, sorry Nagisa.”

 

“No need to be sorry!” Nagisa said running off. “Haru-chan! Mako-chan! They’re here!”

 

“You okay? You haven’t said anything since we got here,” Rin said, shrugging off his jacket and hanging it up. Sousuke did the same, a strange look in his eyes.

 

“I’m fine, just not sure what to say,” Sousuke said, looking back at him. Rin’s shoulders sagged just a bit, and the energy he forced out disappeared, his light and happy aura gone with a rush of wind forced from his lungs.

 

“Yeah,” Rin sighed, shaking his head. “Honestly I want to go back.”

 

“We don’t have to stay long,” Sousuke insisted, “if you feel uncomfortable.”

 

“I don’t feel uncomfortable so much as tired,” Rin admitted. He looked down at their shoes, all lined up together. “Let’s get this over with.” He said, picking himself back up again. He looked back at Sousuke and smiled at him, grabbing his wrist and tugging him down the hall.

 

“Rin!” Makoto called first, standing up as they entered the room, a smile on his face. “Sousuke! It’s good to see you both.”

 

“Hey Makoto,” Rin greeted with a smile, though it ached a little. He wondered if he was holding it properly. “Hey Haru. How are you guys?”

 

“How are you?” Haru asked, looking between the two of them. Rin faltered, and the rest of the room was silent. Nagisa had a smile on though his eyes were wide and glaring daggers at Haru.

 

“Better,” Rin breathed, coughing into his hand. “I’m doing better. I’m sorry about the last time we met. I wasn’t myself then.”

 

“Why don’t you both sit! My mom got us some snacks, should I go get them? Haru-chan why don’t you come and help me get them?” Makoto said, force in his voice as he gave him a gentle smile. Haru looked at him, a scowl on his face before he stood up. “We’ll be right back! Why don’t you both sit down and make yourself comfortable! I think Nagisa brought board games?”

 

“I did!” Nagisa cheered, pulling one out of his penguin bag. “I hope you’re ready to get your butt kicked!”

 

“You wish,” Rin said, sitting down next to the coffee table as Nagisa began setting up the game. Sousuke sat down next to him. “You don’t have to be so self-conscious about it. It’s okay to bring it up.”

 

“I think Mako-chan is worried about making you both uneasy since Haru-chan is so blunt,” Nagisa said with a smile. Just as he said that Makoto and Haru were walking back in with chips and cookies in hand. Haru looked particularly solemn as they entered and sat down.

 

“I was just telling Nagisa, it’s okay to talk about what happened,” Rin said, watching them for their reactions. Haru perked up a little, maybe feeling a little less guilty for saying anything, but Makoto seemed nervous. “Actually, there’s something I—we wanted to tell you guys.”

 

“We’re dating,” Sousuke said, speaking up for the first time. Everyone looked at him, and Rin’s heart jumped out of his chest. Sousuke’s palm came down over his hand, which was as white as paper against his leg. “That day Gou had found that out and that’s why Rin said things in such a way. He was incredibly hurt and is sorry for his behavior.”

 

“Oh Rin! There’s no reason to be sorry! We’re sorry we didn’t know—thank you so much for telling us!” Makoto exclaimed, sitting down with a flop, looking very disappointed in himself. “I wish we could have known and been there for you! Is everything okay between you and Gou?”

 

“Y—yeah, we’re talking again,” Rin said, though his eyes were still on Sousuke. All the weight on his shoulders seemed to fall away, Sousuke’s forwardness dispelling Rin’s hesitation and anxiety. “She came to see me and we worked everything out.”

 

“That’s good,” Makoto sighed, though his cheeks began to color and he looked away from Rin as he leaned against Sousuke. Rin sat up, his stomach beginning to curl.

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to—I don’t plan on,” Rin choked on his words, trying to explain himself.

 

“It’s fine,” Haru interrupted, looking at him. “You seem tired. You’re dating, it’s not abnormal to lean against each other.”

 

“Oh—I’m sorry is it because of me?” Makoto squawked, looking up, his face turning a brighter shade of red. “I’m sorry! I’m just—well it’s a little embarrassing, but you don’t have to act like strangers in front of us.”

 

“It’s embarrassing for us too,” Rin said, feeling his face beginning to heat up. “Especially if you’re so conscious about it.”

 

“I’m not! Well, maybe just a little,” Makoto admitted grimacing in his apologetic manner. “I’m sorry I’m just not used to, well, you know.”

 

“Mako-chan even blushes when he sees people holding hands in movies,” Nagisa chimed in, a grin on his face. “There’s no need to worry Rin-chan! Sou-chan! Be lovey-dovey all you want!”

 

“It’s not like we’re planning on making out in front of you guys,” Rin grumbled. “But if it ever gets uncomfortable just, you know, let me know.”

 

“M—making out,” Makoto squeaked, in surprise looking like a caught animal.

 

“Oh my god! Makoto relax!” Rin yelled, sitting up straighter, face red. “You’re freaking me out!”

 

“Ah, sorry,” Makoto laughed awkwardly, though his eyes were pointed away and at the ceiling. “So—how does this game work anyways Nagisa?”

 

“You roll the dice and whatever number you land on is how many pieces of clothes you have to take off!” Nagisa cheered, laughing when Makoto’s color began to split between a deep crimson and a bluish white. Rin got up and slapped Nagisa’s arm.

 

“Nagisa! This is not the time to be joking!” Rin yelled, mortified by the other’s ridiculousness. Makoto looked like he was going to pass out from being so embarrassed, and Nagisa could not stop cackling.

 

“That was a joke!?”

 

“It’s not a joke Mako-chan, Rin-chan’s just saying it is! I hope you’re wearing layers!”

 

“Nagisa!” Haru glared at the other, putting a hand on Makoto’s back. “Enough.”

 

“Haru-chan! Don’t be like that!” Nagisa whined, crawling over to him and rubbing his head against Haru’s back. “It was a joke Mako-chan, no need to be so embarrassed!”

 

“You’re all crazy,” Sousuke mumbled, looking at Rin who looked back at him. Rin smiled just a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	25. Chapter 25

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Rin asked, stepping into the house. He looked around, finding the place didn’t feel at all familiar or cozy. Besides a few family photos on the walls it looked fake, with its plastic potted plants and unused looking furniture. Everything looked new and untouched.

 

“I told you, my mom won’t be back until after New Year’s,” Sousuke said throwing down his stuff and walking over to the thermostat, turning it up. “Damn it’s cold in here. Does she want to freeze the pipes?”

 

“How long has your mom been gone?”

 

“Only a few days. I checked her flight times, and they’re both too stingy to change them so we don’t have to worry about her coming back. She said it was fine for us to stay here,” Sousuke said, walking further into the house, turning on some of the lights.

 

Rin was still nervous as he moved to follow Sousuke. “This place is really different.”

 

“After my dad moved to Tokyo for work my mom started rearranging things. Replacing stuff. He just lets her do it since he never comes home and it keeps her quiet,” Sousuke explained, glancing up at the walls. “She’s become a little neurotic after we both moved out I think.”

 

“Don’t you feel bad?”

 

“It’s not like I don’t, but she’s a grown woman,” Sousuke said, opening the fridge. “She can do what she wants. There’s nothing in here, good thing we stopped at the convenience store. Tomorrow we’ll go shopping.”

 

Sousuke reached above the fridge and pulled down an envelope, on it was signed his name. “Here, she left us some money for food.”

 

“That was nice of her.”

 

“I guess it was,” Sousuke said, turning to him. “Are you sure you’re okay staying here? Don’t want to go home?”

 

“Not really,” Rin sighed, sitting down at one of the kitchen stools. “It’s fine staying here, it just doesn’t feel like a real home, so it’s a little weird.”

 

“It’s never felt like a real home,” Sousuke muttered, tossing the envelope on the counter and sitting down next to him, gazing into his eyes. “You really don’t have to stay here with me if you don’t want to.”

 

“I want to,” Rin said with a grin. “Maybe it’ll be fun, I’m just a little jittery because of the last time we were somewhere.”

 

“Well, unlike your house, no one is coming back here. And I also don’t have any problem doing things under my parents’ roof.”

 

“And what do you mean by that?” Rin said, a coy grin on as he looked at him, placing his hand on the kitchen table. Sousuke grabbed it, smiling at him a little before standing up. “What? Running away?”

 

“The opposite,” Sousuke said, tugging Rin off the stool and down the hall. When they got to his room he opened it up. The room was barren except for a few posters, a desk, and a twin sized bed in the corner. Fresh sheets were on the bed, nicely folded.

 

“All your toys are gone.”

 

“My dad said I was too old for them so we gave them away,” Sousuke said, leading Rin to the bed before letting go of his hands and leaving the room. Rin looked around, sitting down and finding the fabric a little cold. He looked at the desk and saw a basket sitting there, looking out of place as it was filled with sun-bleached and raggedy looking letters.

 

Rin jumped at the loud thump as Sousuke dropped their bags on the floor and closed the door. “You know it’s a little cold in here.”

 

“It is, but it’ll warm up in a little. You can get under the covers if you want,” Sousuke said, opening up his closet. Rin did just that, wrapping himself up in covers and watching Sousuke look at his childhood room. Watching him made him feel like Sousuke hadn’t been there in a very long time. He closed the closet after a minute and went to the desk, a look of surprise on his face as he pulled the basket off, shuffling through the envelopes.

 

“What are those?”

 

“Letters,” Sousuke said, a grin on his face. “From you, actually. I thought mom would have tossed them.”

 

“Sousuke, when’s the last time you were here?”

 

“Not since before I moved to Tokyo. They didn’t want to fly me back out so I’d just stay with my dad until school started up again,” Sousuke said, sitting down at his desk and looking at his room.

 

“How was that?” Rin asked, sitting up. “Staying with your dad, I mean.”

 

“Wasn’t pleasant, but he’s not so handsy now that I’m older. Probably didn’t expect me to get this tall,” Sousuke said with a smirk, shaking his head. “But he loves to yell. He might even be a little afraid of me now.”

 

“Good,” Rin said, clicking his tongue and opening the folds of his blanket. “Come here.”

 

Sousuke looked at him, surprised before dropping the basket back on the desk and walking over to the bed, sitting inside and trying to help Rin wrap them up in his comforter. They over lapped their legs and wrapped their arms around each other, Rin giving him a kiss. “If he ever touches you again I’d kick his ass.”

 

“I don’t think you’re going to have to worry about that,” Sousuke laughed, resting his forehead against Rin’s. “But you might want to wait until he finishes paying for me to go to college.”

 

“He’s really going to do that?” Rin asked, raising an eyebrow at the other.

 

“Of course, or else I’ll be like my uncle and not go to college. He’d rather die than see that happen,” Sousuke laughed. “But enough about that. Let’s talk about something more interesting.”

 

“Okay,” Rin said, surprised when Sousuke started to kiss him. His eyes fluttered closed and the cold of his cheeks began to warm. “Thought you wanted to talk.”

 

“Changed my mind,” Sousuke hummed, rubbing his nose along Rin’s, kissing along the edge of his lips. “Besides this is a lot more interesting.”

 

“And technically we’re still using our mouths,” Rin agreed, laughing when Sousuke pulled back to scowl.

 

He followed him, not letting him run away as he captured his lips between his. He wrapped his arms around Sousuke’s neck, trying to keep him close but Sousuke kept leaning further back, and suddenly the arms he had around Sousuke were pulling him down. The other flopped on his back and Rin yelped as he folded forward, releasing the other as he felt the pull in his legs and back.

 

“I’m not that flexible!”

 

“Maybe you should be,” Sousuke laughed, grabbing a pillow and stuffing it under his head. Rin sat up and shifted onto his knees, tugging at the blanket until Sousuke lifted himself up enough to release it.

 

“Only when you get that flexible.”

 

“I could do it if I tried.”

 

“We’ll have to test that later,” Rin said, flapping the blanket behind him until it was out properly and dropping onto Sousuke’s chest, covering them both in it. “So, tell me, what are the plans for tonight?”

 

“Whatever you want to do,” Sousuke said, running a hand through Rin’s hair. “We have tons of movies in the house, though I don’t know how good they’ll be.”

 

“Might be fun,” Rin said dropping his head down onto Sousuke’s chest. “I’m really tired, honestly.”

 

“Want to go to bed?”

 

“It’s too early for that.”

 

“We can talk about what you’re planning to do with the stuff in that ‘secret’ bag of yours.”

 

“You saw that!?” Rin shouted, sitting up and slapping Sousuke’s shoulder, his face bright red. “What are you doing going through my stuff!”

 

“Rin, it wasn’t hard to figure out after you got that mysterious unmarked package in the mail,” Sousuke said with a laugh. “When I saw how you tried to hide that bag, I figured you brought it.”

 

“Then you don’t know what it is.”

 

“Guessing from your reaction and the secrecy I’m going to assume it has to do with sex,” Sousuke said, putting an arm behind his head. “What is it? Condoms?” Rin grimaced, sitting up and punching his chest lightly.

 

“Stop acting like you know everything. It could be a Christmas present.”

 

“Well, is it?”

 

“No.”

 

“So, I’m right.”

 

“Shut up,” Rin grumbled, punching his arm. “And stop acting so casual it’s pissing me off. Why aren’t you ever embarrassed?”

 

“I am often embarrassed when I’m around you,” Sousuke said with a laugh. Rin’s face scrunched up, half in a smile half in a scowl.

 

“I’m not sure whether I’m supposed to be offended by that,” Rin said before hopping off the bed. “But since you’re so insistent on seeing what I brought mine as well show you.”

 

“That’s unusual,” Sousuke said, sitting up against his bed, putting his pillow behind his back. “You gave in so easily.”

 

“You badger me when I don’t,” Rin teased, opening his bag and sifting through his stuff. He pulled out a black bag that seemed to be full of multiple things. He crawled back onto the bed and handed him it. “I just thought, since we’ll be alone and all.”

 

Sousuke said nothing as he opened the bag, pulling out a few boxes, eyes widening when he read them. He pulled out some condoms and lube next, and surprised by another box full of what looked like latex gloves. “You really went all out.”

 

“I don’t want it to hurt,” Rin said, tucking his hair behind his ears. “And I read somewhere that it was safer to wear gloves or something, but gloves make you feel like a doctor or something, right? It’s really weird but I thought it'd be safer since we don't know what we’re doing. Is this weird? Should I not have bought this stuff? I mean it is weird—should I have like told you or something though? We don’t even have to do anything I just thought maybe, if you wanted, it’d be better to be prepared or something.”

 

“Rin,” Sousuke said, looking up at him. Rin pulled his lips into his mouth, trying to stop his incessant babbling. “It’s fine.”

 

“Okay,” Rin whispered, face aflame. “We don’t really have to do it tonight. I just, you know, since you wanted to see what I brought. I have a few more of those boxes in case I mess it up. I read the instructions it’s really gross so don’t—you have to like not be with me when I like—clean myself, or whatever, okay?”

 

“If that’s what you want,” Sousuke mumbled, picking up the box again and reading the back. Rin groaned into his hands. “Okay, sounds weird but I’ll try it.”

 

“Wait—what?” Rin balked, looking back up at Sousuke.

 

“What do you mean what? You’re not trying this all by yourself,” Sousuke said, holding the box away from Rin as soon as Rin reached for it. “You said you brought others.”

 

“They weren’t—they’re not supposed to be for you,” Rin stuttered, face red as he sat back down. “Do you really want to?”

 

“I want to if you are,” Sousuke said, voice firm and handing him the box. “So enough with the solo act. You could have told me you were buying stuff like this, I could have helped pay for it.”

 

“You don’t—you,” Rin mumbled, feeling a little foolish under Sousuke’s disappointed gaze. He knew he was taking things into his own hands again, not letting Sousuke do anything when they were supposed to be moving forward together. “You can buy them next time.” 

 

“Alright,” Sousuke said, grabbing Rin’s hand. “You okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” Rin said, shaking his head. “Feeling a little stupid, but I’m okay.”

 

“Why are you feeling stupid?” he asked, pulling Rin to him. They pushed everything to the side and Rin sat down next to him, leaning into his side.

 

“Just because I kind of just assumed you weren’t going to want to try. I mean, you do honestly want to try, right?”

 

“I do,” Sousuke said, wrapping his arm around Rin’s waist and resting his head against Rin’s.

 

“Okay,” Rin said. He looked at his hands in his lap, pulling his knees up to him. “That actually makes me feel a little bit better I think.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah,” Rin said, turning and giving him a kiss. He pulled back when he heard a loud growl and rumble coming from below them. He looked at Sousuke who turned away from him and he started to laugh. “Was that you?”

 

“I might be a little hungry.”

 

“A little?” Rin snickered, trying to hold in his giggles as his stomach began to make another noise of protest. “Come on, let’s go have dinner.”

 

“Sounds good to me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for sticking with me!!! You’ll see me again the Sunday after next!!! I will be back on a biweekly schedule from now on!

Rin grabbed the hair dryer out of the bathroom and left in a hurry, leaving Sousuke behind as he undressed. Shutting the bedroom door he turned to the window to check on the blinds. They were closed and the curtains pulled shut over top of them, no one was going to see them but he still felt a nervousness in the pit of his stomach. He felt weird, his body uncomfortably aware of itself after cleaning up. To get his mind of the feeling Rin busied himself with combing and drying his hair.

 

A thousand thoughts were running through his head. Should he get dressed? It seemed pointless knowing they’d be getting naked again, but standing there in nothing but a towel made him feel exposed. He looked back at Sousuke’s bed, thinking maybe he should get under the covers, but that still felt a little weird. They’d seen each other naked before, he wasn’t worried about that, but sitting there waiting for Sousuke to be done with his shower felt so odd.

 

He heard the shower running when he finished blow drying his hair, sitting down on Sousuke’s bed and looking at the floor. He was nervous, but he didn’t feel like he was so nervous that he wanted to give up on it. The thought of Sousuke feeling inside him made him flush, of embarrassment or anticipation he couldn’t tell. However, the thought of Sousuke wanting him to do the same made him feel a rush. His breath was shaky as his nerves continued to control him, his anxiety growing with each passing second.

 

The door opened and Sousuke walked inside, dripping wet and wiping himself off on the way in, no shame or modesty in his steps. “Thinking yourself into a hole?”

 

“Maybe,” Rin admitted, watching the water sliding down his chest as he dried his hair with his towel.

 

“Thought that was my job,” Sousuke laughed, dropping his towel to his neck and then wiping himself off quickly. “You doing okay?”

 

“Think so,” Rin breathed, a little smile on as Sousuke walked over and gave him a kiss. When he pulled back to throw his towel into his hamper Rin sat up, tugging off his own towel and throwing at Sousuke. “So we’re just going to get right to it?”

 

“What do you mean? I just don’t want my bed to be soaked,” Sousuke said tossing Rin’s towel in the hamper and sitting on the bed with him.

 

“You didn’t even dry your hair that well,” he argued with a grin, sliding back on the bed. Sousuke followed him until they were both lying beside each other. “This is weird, I don’t know where to start.”

 

“Me neither.”

 

Rin wanted to complain that he obviously did when Sousuke rolled up onto his elbows and leaned in to kiss him. Running his hands through damp hair, Rin tried to calm his pounding heart touching what was familiar. Kissing Sousuke was soothing, slow and soft, he often wondered how it could always end up so sweet, so tender. Arms and hands slid against cool skin, Rin following the line of his back and Sousuke pulling Rin’s legs up around his waist.

 

Searing lips met Rin’s neck and he moved to accommodate them, one hand gently resting on Sousuke’s head as he let him trail kisses down to his chest. Rin wanted to say something, how everything seemed to fast and too sudden and too forced but still so painstakingly slow. That he just wanted to go through with the plan so the anxiety in his stomach would calm down, but he kept his mouth shut, twisted up and held down by sharp teeth as he sucked in a deep breath.

 

“What’s wrong?” Sousuke asked, pulling back.

 

“Nothing I just, kind of want to get to it I think.”

 

“Rin,” Sousuke mumbled, his brow scrunching, “you’re not even hard.”

 

“I'm so nervous I don't know if that's going to change any time soon,” Rin laughed, covering his eyes. “But I want this. I really want this. So don't stop, I'll let you do anything as long as you don't stop.”

 

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Sousuke asked, sitting back. “Rin, if you don't want to do this that's okay.”

 

“I do, Sousuke you know I do,” he said, uncovering his eyes and looking back at him. “I’m ready to try this.”

 

“Okay, but if anything serious happens you have to tell me.”

 

“I will, so just—if you could start now I think I’d be less anxious. Waiting for it is killing me,” Rin said, eyes flickering away.

 

“You never were very patient,” Sousuke grumbled, grabbing the box of gloves and lube off the nightstand. “Just, make sure you talk me through it. And be honest.”

 

“Okay,” he whispered, grabbing Sousuke’s hand. “As long as you don't stop until I say so.”

 

“Don't know if I can promise that but I'll do my best.”

 

Rin’s eyes went back to Sousuke’s in time for a firm but chaste kiss on his lips. Sousuke sat back onto his knees, opening the box of gloves and slipping one onto his right hand. “You’re right. It’s really weird.”

 

“Right?” Rin said, stuffing pillows behind him so he could get a better look at what was going to happen.

 

“Are you ready for your examination, Matsuoka-san?” Sousuke said, smirking when Rin kicked him. “Kidding, kidding. But seriously, once we know what we’re doing we’re ditching the doctor’s gloves.”

 

“I think there’s actually other substitutes for that but I figured this would be safest,” Rin muttered flushing, covering his face with his arm. “Ready when you are.”

 

“Yeah, that sounds convincing,” he said, the cap of the lube coming off with a pop. “This feels a little cold—are you?”

 

“I’m practically sweating actually,” Rin said, eyes flickering to the space heater in the corner of the room. “Just do it.”

 

“Right.”

 

Rin flinched, it was a little cold, and slimy. Sousuke’s fingers helped smear it along his entrance and he tensed up, taking in another deep breath. His index finger passed over it several times, gentle, giving no notion that it was going to do anything else. Rin pulled his arms down, looking at Sousuke and seeing his suspicions proved right, he was watching him. He reached out to him, Sousuke giving him his free hand. “I’m okay.”

 

“Right,” Sousuke said again, though the space between his eyebrows pinched. He looked down at them and pressed cautiously against the ring of muscle, Rin could feel it dip a little, but not pushing inside. He bit his lip, feeling the pressure grow until it was suddenly gone.

 

"I'm never going to get anything up there if you're this tense. And they call me the tight ass."

 

Rin blinked, mouth dropping in surprise at his words. "What!?"

 

"Could make a diamond in a week," Sousuke continued.

 

" Shut up!"  Rin said, smacking him in the arm, though his mouth twitched. He glared at the other when he saw the look on the goof’s face. "Why are you smiling?"

 

"You thought that was funny just now,” he said, a smug smile on as he challenged him. Rin almost lost his composure, but he pulled his lips down in a deep-set frown.

 

"No I didn't."

 

"Yeah you did,” he accused. “You thought it was funny, admit it."

 

"I did not!” Rin said, denying it, throwing his head and arms back with an exasperated sigh. “Why on earth am I doing this with you of all people."

 

"Because you love me."

 

"You wish,” Rin laughed, smiling down at him. “Come on idiot, just do it already, or I’ll do it for you.”

 

“I’m telling you it’s impossible,” Sousuke said shaking his head, getting up on his knees and leaning over Rin kissing him compliant. “Help me do it.”

 

“H—help you? How?” Rin swallowed, eyes wide and looking down at between them as Sousuke’s hand guided Rin to the gloved one resting at his entrance. Rin took hold of it, glancing at Sousuke just once before he began to push Sousuke’s hand insistently against himself. “I’ll stop you if it hurts.”

 

“Okay,” Sousuke whispered, kissing his cheek and getting back onto his knees, following Rin’s silent instruction. Rin drew a breath when his finger pushed through, slow, so painfully slow, but it was in and he squirmed, spreading his legs a little more. “Rin.”

 

“Feels weird, but it’s fine,” Rin said, bringing the back of his hand to his forehead. “Go a little further.”

 

Sousuke did as told and Rin struggled to keep himself relaxed as his finger slowly sunk into him. It felt odd, the pressure, but there wasn’t any noticeable pain, little more than a slight protest coming from his entrance. “Rin.”

 

“It’s weird, but I wouldn’t say I hate it,” Rin reassured him, though he let go of his wrist and held out his hand for Sousuke to take. He did, giving it a squeeze. “P—pull out and get some more lube.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Rin closed his eyes, feeling how Sousuke’s finger left him, so slow and careful as he pulled out. When he finally did, Rin felt even stranger. His body feeling odd and uncomfortable as he wiggled, trying to get comfortable. The feeling was not unlike how he felt after cleaning himself. Unused to the new and incapable of going back to the old.

 

“Rin, you said before that I could do whatever I wanted,” Sousuke said.

 

“I did.”

 

“Would it be okay if I tried giving you a blowjob again?”

 

“What?” Rin choked. “I—I said you could do what you want.”

 

“But I wasn’t sure if that’d be okay,” Sousuke said, looking ashamed. “If it bothered you I wouldn’t be able to take it.”

 

“No—I mean it does bother me,” Rin said, watching Sousuke flinched and look up at him. “I mean it bothers me that I can’t return the favor.”

 

“That’s stupid,” Sousuke said, tension easing in his shoulders as he shifted down on the bed. “It’s just hard to see you looking so uncomfortable. I want you to feel good.”

 

“I want you to feel good too.”

 

“I will once you are,” Sousuke said, lying down and kissing Rin’s belly. “Tell me if it bothers you.”

 

“Yeah,” Rin stuttered. “Yeah, of course.”

 

Sousuke gave him a quick look before kissing him again, nipping at the soft skin as he made his way down his stomach. Rin shuddered, his body tensing up and relaxing as Sousuke began to lick and kiss a trail from Rin’s belly button down to his crotch. Feeling frustrated and disappointed in himself didn’t help, but watching Sousuke as he took him into his hand made his heart jump. Sousuke brought Rin’s flaccid member to his lips, caressing it before licking a long strip under the backside. Rin’s breath caught, his index finger trapped between his teeth as he watched Sousuke’s loving onslaught of kisses and kitten licks.

 

 A heat started to build inside him and he closed his eyes, one hand reaching for Sousuke’s shoulder, squeezing the muscle there as Sousuke pulled him into his mouth. Hot, unfathomably so, just as Rin had remembered it. He was slower this time though, coaxing him into relaxing, a slow climb of arousal as he licked and kissed and sucked. Without warning, and possibly for that exact reason, Rin felt Sousuke’s lubed finger rub against him. He shook, just a bit, but squeezed his shoulder again, happy to feel him press on, entering him once more.

 

“So,” Rin breathed, “so weird. But it feels kind of nice.”

 

Sousuke hummed in response and Rin clenched. “Don’t! Don’t do that,” Rin moaned, trying to relax his legs. “Not—not when you’re inside.”

 

“Sorry,” Sousuke said as he pulled off. “Rin, let’s stop here. I want us to come together.”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Rin said, though he was only a little disappointed. “Did it hurt?”

 

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Sousuke chuckled. “Just a little.”

 

“Sorry, but it’s your own fault.”

 

Sousuke laughed and said nothing, just leaning down to give Rin’s half-hard member a few more kisses as he pulled out. “Let me do this again sometime.”

 

“If—if you want to,” Rin swallowed. “I’m, not exactly against it. But I still feel bad that I can’t do the same for you.”

 

“I told you it’s fine,” Sousuke said, stripping his hand off the glove and throwing it into the garbage can they placed by the bed. “Your turn.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Rin sat up, feeling a odd as he did so but ignoring it in favor of moving around so Sousuke could lay down. As Sousuke did Rin busied himself with pulling another glove out of the box, he felt eyes on him but ignored them. "Rin."

 

"It's Dr. Matsuoka to you," Rin said, snapping his glove as he finished putting it on, "time to get ready for your examination, Yamazaki."

 

"I'm sorry I ever said that,” Sousuke grimaced. Rin cheered in silent victory. Revenge complete, he  leaned in to give him a quick peck before grabbing the lube.

 

"Good,” Rin teased, opening it up and pouring a little onto his fingers to get used to the feeling. “So, do you want to just get to it?”

 

“Why not?”

 

“I swear this is the weirdest fucking situation we’ve ever been in,” Rin muttered, squeezing more lube out onto Sousuke. He expected another retort from Sousuke, but he said nothing, just watching as Rin smeared it along his hole. A thought popped into Rin’s head as he pushed against the sensitive flesh, feeling it cave only a little against the pad of his finger. He wished he could feel it without a barrier, but knew better than to say that to Sousuke.

 

“What are you thinking.”

 

“I’m not going return the favor—relax,” Rin said, knowing from his tone of voice that was what he was suspecting. Still, Rin shifted down onto his stomach and gave Sousuke’s thigh a few kisses. “But I can do this much.”

 

“Rin,” Sousuke warned, but spread his legs further for Rin to get better access. Rin took to kissing and biting the meat of his inner thigh. With that to distract him from his fears, Rin pressed at the tight ring once more, feeling it give and breath catching as he felt like he was being pulled in. It was hard to move around, but it felt even hotter than Sousuke’s mouth and that alone was enough to have Rin biting into Sousuke’s muscle.

 

Silence surrounded them, only the sound of Rin’s sucking and Sousuke’s heavy breathes as Rin pushed himself in further, finding some resistance but no protests on Sousuke’s part. He didn’t stop until he was knuckle deep, a thought of needing more lube crossing through his mind as he looked up at Sousuke’s face which was twisted up.

 

"Ow."

 

Rin jerked back, though he kept his hand still. "Does it hurt? Is it too dry? Do you want to stop?"

 

"Huh? No, I'm fine," Sousuke said, looking at him like he grew three heads. "I'm serious Rin, my ass is fine but my thigh I'm not so sure about. You could take it a little easy with the teeth."

 

"Teeth? Wha—oh. Oh," Rin muttered, looking back at the dark blotch of skin Rin had been abusing. "I didn't even notice. Sorry."

 

"You didn't notice you were eating me alive?"

 

"Shut up." Rin muttered, giving the spot a soft kiss. "I'm sorry."

 

"It's fine, I don't really mind, just surprised me. But maybe you should move spots," Sousuke said, shifting his legs. "I don't want to look like I got mauled."

 

“Sorry,” he apologized again, shifting higher on his leg until he was at the dip where leg met crotch and kissed it. Sousuke’s hands shot down, covering his dick from Rin. “I’m fine.”

 

“You say that now. Just get back to what we’re supposed to be doing.”

 

“You know you have my finger up your ass, you could be a little more embarrassed. Where’s your shame?” Rin grumbled, pulling back and pulling his finger out.

 

“Oh, that,” Sousuke said, squirming. “Didn’t feel that good.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“I didn’t say it hurt, it just felt not so good. Maybe we do need more lube.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Just like that they continued. Rin pushing in and out of him, Sousuke a lot more relaxed and easier to enter than he had been. Rin switched thighs, giving Sousuke a matching bruise on the other side without really noticing, distracted by Sousuke’s breath and groans when Rin moved just a bit too fast. When Rin decided enough was enough they slid together and took hold of each other in their hands kissing and grinding until they finished each other off. Collapsing on Sousuke and rolling to the side Rin looked up at the ceiling and started to laugh.

 

"This is possibly the weirdest, most unsexy thing we’ve ever done."

 

"Yeah," Sousuke agreed, a smile in his voice. "I enjoyed it."

 

"Me too,” Rin hummed.

 

"Would you do it again?" Sousuke asked, taking Rin’s hand in his and bringing it up to his lips.

 

"Maybe if you stop thinking you’re some kind of comedian."

 

“Can’t make any promises.”

 

“Then at least tell me we can take a shower, or a bath,” Rin groaned. “Do you have extra sheets?”

 

“I do,” Sousuke said. “If you start the bath I’ll change them.”

 

“Alright.”

 

Despite how much he craved to be clean, Rin was happy they stayed in bed to cuddle until their bodies cooled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! I hope everyone enjoys the update!

“Alright guys, Sousuke and I are heading back. Thanks for letting us stay over Haru,” Rin said, shouldering his bag. Haru nodded, a small smile on. “Spending New Year’s with everyone was great. I’m glad we did it.”

 

“It was all my idea!” Nagisa cheered. “Be grateful!”

 

“Nagisa-kun, you didn’t even help set anything up!” Rei sputtered. Haru and Makoto had been saddled with getting the party together and leading the group to the nearest shrine, but they didn’t mind. Makoto’s mom prepared them dinner, and all in all it was a fantastic night. Even Sousuke had a good time, which was Rin’s main concern.

 

“I hope you got enough sleep last night,” Makoto yawned, stepping up and rubbing at his eyes under his glasses. “Do you have to leave so early?”

 

“Yeah, we have some plans of our own you know,” Rin laughed, touching his fist to Makoto’s shoulder. “You should really get some more sleep though. Did you and Nagisa ever go to bed?”

 

“Nope!” Nagisa cheered. “Mako-chan’s addiction to video games grows stronger still! There was no way he was going to stop if I didn’t.”

 

“That’s not true,” Makoto mumbled, Haru giving Makoto an amused look. Makoto’s shoulders sank when he saw, a pout on his lips. “Anyways, I hope you two have fun on your date then.”

 

“Date,” Rin choked, still unused to his friends mentioning it.

 

“Thanks, we will. And thank you for inviting me to your New Year’s party,” Sousuke said.

 

“No problem! You’re our friend now too,” Makoto said with a smile. “Thank you for coming. Ah, well. I suppose Haru should be saying that since it’s his house.”

 

Haru and Sousuke just looked at each other and looked back at Makoto who laughed awkwardly. Nagisa elbowed Rin with a grin. “Thanks, Haru.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“That’s not a proper answer Haru!”

 

“Okay, before we disturb the neighbors, I think we’ll get going now,” Rin said, grabbing Sousuke by his elbow and pulling him back. “Thanks guys. We’ll see you later!”

 

“Bye Rin-chan! Sou-chan!”

 

“Goodbye!”

 

“Have a safe trip back!”

 

“Yeah, yeah!” Rin waved back at them, walking down the steps with Sousuke on his heels. “Well, that certainly was interesting.”

 

“I had a good time,” Sousuke said, finally finding Rin’s pace and following him back onto the main roads.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Rin couldn’t help his smile. “Me too. So, about this date you just agreed for us to go on.”

 

“Would that be too much?”

 

“No, sounds perfect. Have anything in mind?”

 

“Not really,” Sousuke said, though he moved a little closer. Rin dropped his hands from the straps of his bag and smiled when their hands brushed together as they walked. “Maybe go out to eat? See a movie?”

 

“Alright.”

 

They were silent for a while, just walking to the station side by side. Soft spoken words exchanged, the morning cold but bright. Lazy energy overcoming them, an excuse to lean against each other as they watched the scenery pass them by. Rin felt strangely nostalgic, possibly because he knew that this time would be ending soon enough. The new year was beginning, and high school life would be ending. His time with Sousuke would be ending.

 

Glancing at Sousuke and seeing the tight jaw and distant gaze told him he was thinking the same. Perhaps it was why he invited him out in the first place. They had talked very little about their plans, only vague mentions in conversations, neither wanting to approach the subject too soon, neither wanting to acknowledge that life would be changing again whether they wanted it to or not.

 

“Sousuke?” Rin ventured, seeing the other blink and look back at him.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“What,” Rin started, before eyes caught a sign. “Let’s get off here.”

 

“Here?” Sousuke asked, though he was already standing up with Rin. Before he could think any further they were up and out on the streets, walking down a well populated area. “Wait, did we miss our stop?”

 

“We did. On purpose, though. I don’t think I want to go back to Samezuka first. Actually,” Rin said, stepping a little closer to Sousuke and fixing his scarf. “I was thinking we shouldn’t go back tonight.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean,” Rin breathed, feeling his stomach begin to clench and the beat of his heart pick up. “I mean, we should get a hotel.”

 

“Rin,” Sousuke sighed, and Rin took a step back, frustrated by the way Sousuke reacted to his suggestion. 

 

“Don’t act like that! We should—I want to,” Rin stuttered, “to be connected to you. We’re not going to be able to go on like this much longer—I know you’re thinking it too. I just want to feel closer. To not feel anxious when I think about what’s going to happen to us. I want to know we’re in this together. Is that so bad?”

 

“And you honestly think that sleeping together right now is the answer?” Sousuke whispered, exasperation in his voice, face scrunched up. “Rin, you need to relax.”

 

“Don’t talk to me like I’m an idiot!” Rin barked, shoving him. “If you don’t want to then just say so! Fuck, whatever, fine I get it. I was stupid for saying anything. You got your point across.”

 

Without waiting for an answer Rin stormed off, ignoring Sousuke’s calls for him. He did however remain in a straight line so Sousuke could follow him. He just needed a minute, a minute to calm down and erase his embarrassment. He knew Sousuke wasn’t smart enough to figure out what he was feeling, and that he had the libido of a rock. It just hurt a little, being told no like that. Maybe he didn’t say it in the best way, but how else was he supposed to say it? Sex was sex, there’s no way to get around it.

 

“You’re thinking way too much,” Sousuke said, grabbing Rin’s wrist, finally catching up to him. “Don’t be mad. I was just a little ticked that it’s always the first thing you think about.”

 

“Sorry for being so focused on something so stupid then,” Rin muttered, glaring at the other, but letting him hug him. 

 

“That’s not what I mean and you know it,” Sousuke groaned, squeezing him tight before letting him go, not wanting to draw too much attention to themselves. “I know you’re anxious about the future, I’m anxious. But I don’t think rushing anything is going to make it any less scary. Besides, shouldn’t it be more reassuring?”

 

“What should?” Rin asked, clicking his tongue, turning away from Sousuke’s big puppy eyes. It was bad enough that the big dork could say things that would untwist Rin’s heart even when all he wanted was to be angry and let out some of the energy buzzing under his skin. How he could turn Rin’s anger into something useless, morphing into embarrassment for being irritated at all.

 

“That we don’t have to do it right now, because we’ll still be together when we’re ready.”

 

Snow began to fall, the light flurry it had been before coming down heavier now. Rin’s heart stopped, and he looked up at Sousuke and gave him a good punch in the arm. The other didn’t so much as flinch, just smiling at the other, knowing he caught Rin with his sweet words. Without apologizing, Rin started to walk again, slower this time. He thought Sousuke might have more to say, but as usual he didn’t say anything else.

 

“Hey, I want to check that store out.”

 

“What?” Rin asked, already being left behind as Sousuke crossed the street and entered a jewelry store. Rin stared for a minute before looking down the street and jogging across to catch up with Sousuke.

 

Entering the store, the jingle of the bell high and irritating as he walked in, he saw that it was full of all kinds of jewelry and accessories . Mostly cheap things up front, plastic rings and bracelets. Earrings were hanging off racks. Sousuke was standing in front of the glass boxes that made up the counter, inside were more expensive pieces. No shop keeper was in sight, but there was a bell next to a sign that said to ring for help.

 

Peering around Sousuke’s shoulder he saw that he was looking at some rings, the section was labeled sterling silver. “Sousuke, what are we doing here?”

 

“Well,” he said, eyes still focused on the designs. “A while ago I asked Gou for your ring size, but she told me she didn’t know. So, I figured I’d just have to get them while you were with me.”

 

“What?”

 

The bell rang, Sousuke’s hand on it and looking at the cloth covered door. A woman stepped out, rather young, smiling. Rin was a little taken aback, her ears were covered in piercings and she had a rhinestone in her nose. It had been awhile since he saw such fashion choices, especially when all the people he really saw were his classmates and his friends. It reminded him that soon they'll both be far away from that quiet little seaside. Far away from each other.

 

“Hello! How may I help you?”

 

“Excuse me can I look at that ring.” Sousuke said, pointing out a plain band in the bottom corner.

 

“Of course,” she said, pulling out the entire tray. “Is there a specific size you’re looking for?”

 

“I’m not sure what the size is,” Sousuke said, turning to Rin as he picked up the ring out of the case. Without saying anything more he slipped the ring onto Rin’s pinky finger. It fit perfectly, just snug enough not to fall off. “Never mind, do you happen to have the next size up?”

 

“Yes, we do,” she said, putting the tray back and reaching somewhere under the counter. She pulled out a box and opened it, a matching ring inside. “Did you want the box for that one?”

 

“No, that’s fine,” Sousuke said, taking the box from her and trying on the ring on his pinky. “We’ll be taking these. Do you have necklace cord?”

 

“We do up front,” the girl said, pointing over at a corner. Sousuke slipped off the ring and put it on the counter. Rin doing the same, feeling incredibly awkward as the girl at the counter looked at him, a courteous smile on her face before she looked away towards Sousuke. “Do you need any help?”

 

“I think I’ve got it,” Sousuke said, walking back with two plain black cords in hand. They had silver clasps and were rather long, just like the kind Rin liked to wear. “I’ll be taking these two.”

 

“Alright then,” she said, ringing them up. “How would you like to pay for these?”

 

Sousuke pulled out his wallet and handed her his card. Rin’s eyes were growing wider by the second as he watched the transaction, tongue caught between his teeth as he was led outside by the wrist. As soon as they walked out the doors Rin was going to demand for an explanation but the shade of Sousuke’s cheeks stilled him. Even his forehead was turning red as he pulled out the rings and took off the price tags.

 

“How long is a swimmer’s career, Rin?” Sousuke paused, looking at him, eyes at first a little nervous and then steadying as Rin gazed helplessly back. “Your swimming career is the most important right now, there’s a limited amount of time you can be the best in the world. And I want to see it Rin, because I know you’re the best. So, it doesn’t matter how long I have to wait, five, ten, even if I have to wait fifty years I’d still do it to be with you.”

 

“Sousuke,” he choked, breath lost as he held out the ring Rin had tried on.

 

“I can’t afford real ones, but if you want, until I can,” Sousuke murmured. “You and I are already connected, Rin. But if you want proof I’ll do my best to give it to you.”

 

Rin held out his hand, water welling in his eyes as Sousuke looked at him in surprise before slipping the ring onto his pinky finger. Before Sousuke could put on his Rin grabbed it from him, putting it on for him and wiping his eyes. For a minute, they stood there in silence. Rin’s tears falling down his face and not even bothering to care who might have saw them there.

 

“And you call me the romantic one,” Rin choked finally, pulling him into a hug.

 

“It’s because I know you like that kind of stuff,” Sousuke joked, holding him tight. “And I thought a pinky ring would be less obvious over there in Australia.”

 

“Yeah, well what are we supposed to do when we get back to school?” Rin sniffled, rubbing his tears into and snot into Sousuke’s shoulder. He snorted, Sousuke deserved it.

 

“Figured we could wear them like necklaces. If anyone says anything, just say it’s a promise that we’ll achieve our dreams, to not give up no matter how hard it gets.”

 

“It is a promise,” Rin whispered, stepping back and kissing Sousuke on the cheek. “It is a promise. And I plan on keeping it.”

 

Sousuke smiled at him, wide and full of love. Eyes glossy and teeth gleaming with the whisper of a laugh on his tongue. “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [regular blog](http://melonmachinery.tumblr.com)   
>  [nsfw blog](http://meloncitrus.tumblr.com)


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO EVERYONE! Sorry for such an awful long wait… last winter I got my first job and a lot of personal matters came up. But I'm happy to say that this fic is finished and in the editing stages! I plan to have it all edited and posted by the end of October at the latest. Thank you all for sticking with me. I hope you enjoy this double update!

  
“Wait—wait Sousuke,” Rin laughed, trying to keep his voice down as they tried to sneak down the hallway, luckily avoiding most other students that night. Half his giddiness was caused by embarrassment, the other half the fear of getting caught. Like somehow people would know what they were up to. Sousuke looked back at him as Rin tugged him down the correct hallway. “Where are you going? Our room’s this way.”  
  
“What? No it’s not,” Sousuke said, looking confused. Rin snickered and grabbed his hand, pulling him down the hall as quickly and quietly as they could before opening their door. “Huh?”  
  
“You’re hopeless,” Rin teased. Taking one more look down the hallway, he shut the door behind them quietly and locked it. Most of the kids were in their rooms and Rin had made sure to tell everyone to go to bed early because practice would not be easy in the morning. It was just an excuse though, knowing that if he said that no one would bother them that night for fear of making Rin cranky about not getting enough sleep.  
  
“This is crazy. What are we supposed to do to clean up?” He asked between kisses, running his hands through Sousuke’s hair as they stumbled into the darkness of their room. “What if someone comes asking for us?”  
  
“No one’s dumb enough to do that,” Sousuke laughed. “Not after the look you gave them today. And we have towels, and that jug of water you bought.”  
  
“They’re supposed to be for filling our water bottles idiot,” Rin laughed. They bumped noses as they tried to go in for another kiss. “Sousuke I can’t see anything.”  
  
“If we turn on a light they’ll know we’re up,” Sousuke whispered, crawling onto the bed with Rin.  
  
“But I want to see you,” Rin admitted, kissing his cheek. “What if it’s just the lamp light? You said no one’s going to bother us.”  
  
“Probably,” Sousuke said, smirking as Rin hit him. “But that sounds good. I want to see you too.”  
  
“Then stay here for a second,” Rin whispered, kissing him. He got up and shuffled over to his desk, turning on the light. It wasn’t a very bright light, mostly focused on his desk, but it lit up the room enough for them. Rin grinned, pulling his shirt over his head as he walked back to Sousuke. Sousuke was doing the same when Rin got to him, helping him out of the restricting cloth and tossing it aside.  
  
The black around Sousuke’s neck and the silver falling against his chest forced air from Rin’s lungs as he plunged forward, knocking them back onto the bed and kissing him like a fool. He loved it, loved how it looked on Sousuke. As if it was there to say that he was his, and his alone. That only Rin could have him. Words like fiancé would flitter through his head and it made him dizzy. He felt ridiculous, they were so young, and nothing but a romantic notion of being connected and staying connected birthed such a proposal, but it was real. It was real and perfect, and even if neither of them were brave enough to say what they knew in their hearts, they cherished it in every kiss.  
  
Rolling off Sousuke and wrapping his finger around the necklace, Rin smiled. Sousuke looked at him, grinning as if he was thinking the same. A gentle laugh left his lips as they pressed their foreheads together. Hands roaming over each other’s bodies, pulling each other closer. Rin’s hand traced the shape of Sousuke’s arm, fingers dancing down to his and lacing together. The nervous energy from earlier had begun to fade, replaced by familiarity and comfort.  
  
Shifting onto his back Rin made room for Sousuke between his legs, cradling him there as they kissed. Sousuke’s forearms settled on either side of his head, nose brushing against his, rolling their hips together in time. Rin was lost in the contentment and heat of having Sousuke surround him, eyes slipping closed and letting his nails drag gentle trails down his back, palming at muscle, massaging and scratching and trying to do everything in his power to get Sousuke to turn into putty in his hands.  
  
It worked, as he knew it would, Sousuke dropping down to lay flat against him, humming as he pressed butterfly kisses against his neck. Hooking his ankles behind Sousuke he began to buck up against him, a lazy pace, just enough to frustrate them both. Before long Sousuke was sitting up, pulling Rin with him until he was practically in his lap, hands folded against his ass, holding him up as they kissed. Dropping his hands from Sousuke’s neck to his sweats, he pulled the strings loose, tugging at the waist band until he could slip his hand in.  
  
Rin could feel himself growing hotter with every gasp and sigh escaping from Sousuke’s lips, trying to capture each of the sounds as he found a rhythmic pace. Sousuke tensed and arched into him, keeping Rin as flushed against him as he could. It was awkward at times, trying to move his hand between them, but he didn’t mind. Sliding his free hand around to Sousuke’s hip he tugged the thick fabric down. Tugging and shimmying it down as best as he could until it gave him free reign over the curve of Sousuke’s ass. Spreading his fingers wide and grabbing as much muscle as he could.  
  
“You want me to go first?” Sousuke gasped in surprise. “Or is this your way of telling me to hurry up.”  
  
“You go first,” Rin whispered against his mouth. “You never get to finish when I go first.”  
  
“That—you don’t have to worry about that,” Sousuke warned, voice wavering between pleasure and concern. “But I don’t mind going first if you want me too.”  
  
“I do,” Rin said, scooting back off Sousuke’s lap and out of the way. “How do you want to do this? On your stomach?”  
  
“Yeah,” Sousuke, “is that okay?”  
  
“If you’re okay with not swimming tomorrow,” Rin laughed, hand grazing Sousuke’s back as he laid down. “I won’t bite if you don’t want me too, though.”  
  
“You can,” Sousuke said, stuffing his arms under his pillow and getting comfortable, eyes shifting away from Rin. “It’s not like I hate it.”  
  
“Why can’t you just be honest and say you like it?” Rin grinned, kissing his shoulder before leaning down under the bed and pulling out the shoebox they had hidden lube and condoms in. “I’m a little nervous, it’s been awhile.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“You’ll tell me if I do anything you don’t like, right?” Rin asked, trying to steady his heart as he opened the packaging around the condom and positioned himself behind Sousuke. Sousuke lifted his hips up automatically, letting Rin take hold of him and roll the condom on for him.  
  
“Of course,” Sousuke said smiling back at Rin as he laid back down on the bed. “Same goes for you though. If you don’t feel like doing this we don’t have to.”  
  
“No, I definitely want to right now.” Pouring lube carefully onto Sousuke’s ass Rin rubbed the slimy substance against the soft puckered flesh of his entrance. Sousuke stiffened under the touch before relaxing against the probing finger. Rin was careful, happy he remembered to trim back his nails before this. Using their bare hands was still knew and he didn’t want to make the experience unpleasant for Sousuke, especially since he was always so careful with Rin.  
  
Biting and licking a path down Sousuke’s spine he tried to distract the other from the uncomfortable strangeness as he pushed inside. Sousuke always claimed that he didn’t mind it, but Rin wanted to be sure. Running his free hand down his side, pulling and massaging the moving muscle as Sousuke squirmed, pulling his leg higher to spread himself more and give himself access to his own dick. Rin’s mind went a familiar kind of numb, relying on instincts to control him. Kissing Sousuke’s neck, biting his shoulder blade, the slow rhythmic thrust of his fingers inside Sousuke. A muddled mess of emotions and raw sexual desire as he helped Sousuke get himself off. The vaguest twinge of guilt, the slightest doubt that Sousuke ever felt as good as Rin always did, washed away by Sousuke twisting and pulling him down for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [nsfw blog](http://www.meloncitrust.tumblr.com/)   
>  [main blog](http://www.melonmachinery.tumblr.com/)


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will hopefully have another chapter or two edited and ready to post in the next few days! See you all soon!

Out of breath and watching Sousuke finally get up, red marks littering his back, Rin laid down on the bed, watching as Sousuke tied off the condom and threw it, along with a few tissues he used to clean himself up, into the garbage bag they had waiting. It was too difficult and risky to make their sheets messy, so tonight they had planned accordingly. It had been so long since they last touched that deeply, not since winter break at Sousuke’s house, and with graduation looming closer Rin wanted as much as he could. Slipping a condom on himself before Sousuke could complain about it he lifted his hips up for the small towel Sousuke slipped under him.  
  
Rin could only brave through it if he saw Sousuke, and that was fine, because Sousuke always had his own plans anyhow. Whatever complaints and reservations Rin had had about receiving blowjobs were sucked out of him by ever-learning lips and he would not so likely fight Sousuke about the subject ever again, even if he could not return such a generous favor. Sousuke barely asked the question before Rin was giving him the okay, pulling him down against him and kissing him stupid.  
  
“I’m not going to be able to get very far with you holding onto me like that,” Sousuke laughed, though he made no show of wanting to move away as Rin threaded his hand through his hair and squeezed muscle as he hugged him against his chest, Sousuke’s lips sliding against his collarbone. Calloused palms gently scratching his skin as Rin released him, allowing him his freedom to move.  
  
When lips met the bare flesh at the base of Rin’s crotch Sousuke’s hand found his instinctively, and Rin threaded their fingers. Surrendering to the feeling of Sousuke’s breath and lips Rin closed his eyes and pushed his head back into his pillow, covering his eyes with the back of his other hand. Before long Rin was twitching and squirming, hips held down by Sousuke as he dragged his tongue along the underside of his shaft. The kitten licks and kisses were more than enough to drive him mad, but then warm soft lips wrapped around him and muddled Rin’s brain, turning it to mush. The hot and wet pressure of Sousuke’s mouth around him leaving him gasping, twisting his face into the side of his pillow, squeezing Sousuke’s hand until he squeezed back.  
  
“Try not to kick me this time,” Sousuke teased, pulling back for only a moment. Though it was a joke Rin nodded as he heard the pop of the cap on the lubricant, cold gel sliding against him. Training his legs to be as still and loose as possible, taking practiced breathes, trying to relax, he felt Sousuke pass his entrance, once, twice. Rin gave his hand another squeeze and Sousuke placed a soft kiss to his inner thigh before pressing against the tight circle of muscle.  
  
It was easier this time, Rin thought, to keep his legs from jerking, but it was still odd and uncomfortable. Once Sousuke was seated to the knuckle he didn’t move, instead focusing on Rin’s softening wood. Rin tried not to dwell on it, reasoned to himself that Sousuke didn’t mind and knew it was just because of his nerves. He had been reminded that often enough by the man himself, but still he felt just a twinge of guilt.  
  
It didn’t last long, and soon Rin was back to gasping quiet moans into his pillow, wiggling ever so slightly until Sousuke began to move his finger, a slow pace, slower than Rin could ever manage for him. Just like that all the worries, doubt, guilt, melted away. Sousuke’s lips sucking and tugging at him until he couldn’t notice anything uncomfortable at all, until Sousuke could move his finger in a gentle rocking motion. Melting him, caressing him, loving him until Rin’s legs were wrapped around his shoulders and he was biting back groans as he came.  
  
Eyes shut tight, it took him a second to come back down before he realized his hand had moved from his mouth and to Sousuke’s hair. “S—sorry,” Rin breathed, letting go of the dark locks. Sousuke’s eyes showed confusion before his cheeks turned red.  
  
“Nothing to be sorry about,” he mumbled, sitting up. “So? How was it?”  
  
“Good.”  
  
“Good,” Sousuke repeated with a smile, leaning up and giving him a kiss. Without another word, he was taking the condom off Rin and cleaning him up. Wiping him down and removing the dirty towel from under him. Once he finished Rin opened his arms and Sousuke joined him in the bed, hugging him close until their breathing was even again. And then, like the spell was broken, Rin felt the telltale signs of his anxiety.  
  
The cool air around them wouldn’t stop clinging to his skin. Even after cleaning up, wiping themselves down, cuddling was becoming uncomfortable. The moistness of skin that had not minutes before been so enticing grew revolting. Rin shifted away from Sousuke, just enough so their sides weren’t stuck together, but he knew Sousuke noticed because the arm that he had been using as a pillow was removed from his neck and the complex mix of relief and regret filled him. Rin sat up and pushed his hair back, tying it up as best he could and rubbing his neck.  
  
“Didn’t work, huh?”  
  
Rin grimaced. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“Hey, there’s no reason to apologize,” Sousuke said getting up. “Come here for a second.”  
  
Rin turned and relinquished himself to the uncomfortable hug that was surely coming, but Rin was surprised when all he got was a kiss on the cheek and a smile. “Come back soon, okay?”  
  
He looked at Sousuke, tears welling up in his eyes and a nodded, placing a chaste kiss on his lips. “Yeah, of course. I’ll be right back.” And with that he grabbed a few items, threw on his shorts and headed down the dimly lit hall to the bathroom. Opening and closing the heavy door with as much gentleness as possible as to not make any noticeable noise, the buzzing overhead lights flicked on at the recognition of movement.  
  
Washing his hands meticulously with soap and warm water until every nail had been scrubbed and the skin of his hands was a light pink with irritation. The rest of his body was easier, a wet washcloth doing worlds for him mentally when he could continue to clean the washcloth in the sink. The hardest and most embarrassing part was always a pain but Rin got through it, though it took him longer as he kept running into a bathroom stall and back to the sink, too embarrassed to do it in the middle of the room.  
  
Once he was done and he thoroughly washed himself with water and a rag he was convinced was clean he felt better. Finishing what was becoming an irritating ritual Rin washed his face, the tears in his eyes for not holding it together mixing with the warm tap water. He wiped himself dry with his towel and took a deep breath, squatting in the bathroom and putting his face in his hands, reflecting. Sousuke handled it a lot better this time, but Rin had hoped that their little makeshift plan of cleaning up together would have settled the issue. Still, he couldn’t be calm until he was washed. With hair still dripping wet from being stuck under the sink Rin made the trek back to their room.  
  
It was silent and lonely in the hallway but every step Rin made sure to repeat to himself that he was loved, that it wasn’t a big deal, that this was okay, that Sousuke would not be mad with him when he returned. Stuff he knew, but had such a hard time believing. The light seeping under the door was faint. Steeling his heart, he twisted the doorknob and entered the room, locking the door behind him. His eyes were fixed on the floor but as he walked into the room he saw their blanket. There, standing on the ladder, was Sousuke finishing putting on a bedsheet to the top bunk. When he saw Rin he smiled and got down, throwing their blanket up onto the top bunk, replacing the bedding they had used with Sousuke’s.  
  
“Figured you’d feel better with clean sheets,” he said simply. Rin’s tears could not be stopped this time and he grabbed Sousuke’s outstretched hand. His boyfriend raised an eyebrow, clearly having asked for a hug, and Rin noticed the clean clothes he had on, a fresh shirt and underwear. Rin chuckled as he let go of his hand and walked over to the closet, changing his own clothes into fresh ones, a new tank-top, fresh underwear, and his sweats. The last bit of his anxiousness was melting away. “Now can I get a hug?”  
  
“I love you,” Rin cried, smiling into Sousuke’s shoulder as he hugged him.  
  
“I love you too,” Sousuke whispered, kissing his hair and rubbing his back. “Do you want me to put on pants too?”  
  
“No, you’re fine,” Rin said, shaking his head. “Let’s go to bed.”  
  
The two crawled into bed and Sousuke wrapped them up with the blanket. It was warm and clean, and if Rin wasn’t already crying he’d be brought to tears with how gentle it was. Digging his fingers into the cloth of Sousuke’s shirt he wrapped himself around him, his head pressed against his chest, listening to the heart beating there. Sousuke just combed his damp hair until he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [nsfw blog](http://www.meloncitrust.tumblr.com/)   
>  [main blog](http://www.melonmachinery.tumblr.com/)


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a single update today!

Rin stared at the white tile ceiling of his room. The first few weeks had been so busy he didn’t really notice the ache in his chest as much. He’d feel it sometimes, like when he would turn to tell Sousuke something only to remember he wasn’t with him and feel foolish as he texted him instead. The ache was noticeable on public transit, not having that bulky body to lean against. It was heart-wrenching in the morning, waking up alone, but besides that he was so busy and they were talking so often he had barely registered his feelings.  
  
He lifted his hand towards the ceiling, staring at the silver ring on his pinky. The longer he was there the keener he felt the painful sting of loneliness. The original exhaustion of moving back to Australia and starting both school and a new training regime was wearing off, becoming routine and easier with each day that passed, and nothing was left to distract him. He missed his touch, the warmth of his arms around him, the sound of his breathing at night.  
  
Feeling depressed enough to annoy himself Rin picked up his phone, checking the time before sending Sousuke a message on Line. Never a patient person, Rin started calling him after he didn’t answer. He sent him another message to him telling him to pick up and called again with no answer. Frustrated Rin sent out a final text, saying he was lonely and wanted to talk, but if he was asleep already Rin would talk to him later.  
  
It was a little childish, but he knew Sousuke wasn’t asleep that early and that saying he was lonely was enough to get the other ready to buy a ticket to see him. Which, although tempting, Rin would never allow. Still, he let himself be a little selfish sometimes, during moments of weakness.  
  
Grinning when his phone rang and Sousuke’s face popped up on the screen Rin pressed accept and brought his phone up to his ear. "Finally! Why'd you take so long to answer?”  
  
“Sorry,” Sousuke said, voice strained. “I was, uh, busy.”  
  
“Huh, are you okay? You sound weird," Rin said, sitting up. His brows furrowed, worry that Sousuke wasn’t overexerting himself again filling his chest.  
  
"I'm sorry you just," Sousuke breathed, "called at a bad time. Anyways, what’s up? Is something wrong?"  
  
"What do you mean bad time—wait,” Rin paused, listening to the heavy breathing on the end, neck prickling with goosebumps. “Were you masturbating?"  
  
"Rin," Sousuke said, voice stern, the same tone he used whenever he was embarrassed.  
  
"Oh,” Rin breathed, face going up in flames. “Oh, uh, okay. Sorry. So like, are you watching porn or?"  
  
"You know I'm not,” Sousuke scoffed. Rin shifted back against his bed and brought up his extra pillow to his face, a grin growing.  
  
"Well, yeah but," he mumbled, not knowing what to say to that. His heart was pounding a mile a minute and he laid on his back, staring back up at those plain white tiles. "Okay. So, uh, if you want to continue you can."  
  
"But you called.”  
  
"I'm not saying hang up," Rin said, looking at his door to confirm that it was locked. "What I mean is, maybe this is what we should do. I, I miss your voice."  
  
"Rin, I don't really think—well. Maybe it'd be easier like this," Sousuke grumbled, voice so soft Rin barely heard it.  
  
"What'd be easier?" he asked, checking to make sure his volume was up and finding it was.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You said 'maybe it'd be easier like this.' What? Having trouble since I'm not there?" Rin teased, though he felt similar.  
  
"Something like that," Sousuke sighed.  
  
"It must be rough for you then, should've thought of this sooner," Rin hummed, acting like it wasn’t incredibly embarrassing or exciting. Not wanting to hurt Sousuke’s ego too much, Rin mulled over his own feelings and decided it wasn’t fair for him to keep him in the dark. "It's kind of weird doing it without you too."  
  
"Yeah?" Sousuke whispered, Rin could practically hear the grin.  
  
"Yeah," Rin said, smiling himself. "So tell me, what were you thinking about before I called?"  
  
"Do you really have to ask?"  
  
"I don't know. Isn't that what people do in these situations? Dirty talk each other."  
  
"Are you trying to turn me on because it's not working," Sousuke laughed.  
  
"Well that's rude." Rin chuckled under his breath. "Should I tell you what I think of when I do it?"  
  
There was a pause on the other end and Rin shifted onto his side, brushing his hair back. “If you’re okay with me knowing.”  
  
"I think of kissing you," he started, staring at his sheets, body growing warm. "I think of how you always kiss so quietly. How no matter how fast I wish it was it's slow and hot."  
  
"Rin," Sousuke whispered, Rin hearing what was left unsaid.  
  
"I love you too,” Rin replied with a smile, wrapping his arm around himself and closing his eyes. "Should I continue?"  
  
"If you want.”  
  
"I think about how warm and soft your skin is against mine," he sighed, squeezing his side. "I like the way your muscle gives under my hand."  
  
"Rin that's a little," Sousuke choked, "this is getting a little embarrassing."  
  
"Well what do you want me to do?" Rin asked, eyes opening and looking at his empty room.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
“Do you want me to stop?”  
  
“Not really,” Sousuke mumbled. “Never mind, just say whatever you want.”  
  
“Actually,” Rin thought. “Could I just listen? You can go back to where you left off—I don’t really want to talk right now. I just want to hear you.”  
  
“Can you be any more embarrassing,” Sousuke groaned. “Seriously, is that really what you want?”  
  
“Is that okay?”  
  
“It’s—it’s not like I’d say no.” Rin laughed as he heard Sousuke’s frustrated sigh. “Fine, but like no cracking any jokes or anything.”  
  
“I won’t,” Rin promised. “I’ll stay quiet.”  
  
“Uh, right,” Sousuke said after a moment's pause. “Okay, I guess I'll just,” he mumbled. Rin heard shuffling of fabrics and then the sound quality changed and he knew he was on speaker. The creak of the bed and more shuffling was heard before the clear sound of Sousuke’s breathing came through the phone.  
  
“Can you hear me okay like this?”  
  
“Yup,” Rin said, a cheeky grin on his face as he thought of Sousuke fixing up his pillows to put the phone close to his face. How sweet and trusting he was to do this for him, despite the embarrassment he knew they both were feeling. “Loud and clear.”  
  
“Do you want me to hang up?”  
  
“No, no don't! I didn't mean it like that,” he pleaded. “I’m not trying to tease I promise.”  
  
The line went silent and then he heard a deep sigh. Without another word between them Sousuke seemed to be returning to his previous thoughts. Holding the phone to his ear almost jealously, as if to shield it from anyone lest they hear the soft sighs and groans of Sousuke.  
  
Palming himself through his pajamas, Rin could hear Sousuke’s stuttered breaths and the quiet curse on his lips, enjoying however he was pleasuring himself. Rin tried to imagine what Sousuke was doing, alone in his room in Tokyo. Possibly imagining Rin being there with him, or remembering their treasured moments back in Samezuka. Rin could picture their last few days with perfect clarity, hands trailing down his sides, Sousuke’s lips on his. Their rings pressed between their chests, sweat clinging to their skin.  
  
“Rin,” Sousuke moaned. Rin twitched in his hand. Flipping onto his back he pressed the phone between his shoulder and his ear, pulling down his pants and kicking them off. “Rin.”  
  
“Fuck, Sousuke,” Rin whimpered, rubbing his precum down his shaft. “I miss you, I miss you so much. I want to touch you so bad.”  
  
“I want you to touch me.”  
  
Rin squeezed himself tight, biting his lip. “Yeah?”  
  
“Thought you said you weren’t going to talk,” Sousuke groaned.  
  
“Sorry.”  
  
“Don’t be,” Sousuke gritted through his teeth, shifting. “I love your voice.”  
  
“Sousuke,” Rin groaned. “Sousuke, how close are you?”  
  
“Closer than I’d like.”  
  
Rin laughed. “Me too. I want to hear you cum, don’t hold it in like you normally do—please? I want to hear it, I need to hear it.”  
  
“Rin no way—fuck,” he swore. “Is that really what you want?”  
  
“Yes, yes,” Rin said, breathless. The mere question had his face so hot it began to tingle, the noises on the other end sounding so intimate in his ear. Pumping himself in time with Sousuke’s breaths, hearing his moans increasing, being held down. “Please Sousuke, don’t hold it in.”  
  
Just like he had said the magic spell he could hear Sousuke’s breath hitch and his groan come out low and rough. A constant string of curses and Rin’s name as he came down. Rin could feel his stomach tighten and his toes curl, so close.  
  
“Ah—ah!” Sousuke yelped, groaning. “Fuck! Fuck—oh,” he moaned, a sharp shivering running up and down Rin’s spine at the sound, cumming into his hand. Rin couldn’t hear for a second, all the sound drowned out by the pleasure pulsating through him.  
  
“W—what happened?” Rin asked, out of breath. “You okay?”  
  
“Yeah,” Sousuke stuttered, “fine, m’fine. How are you feeling?”  
  
“Amazing,” Rin muttered, a laugh on his lips. “Like I need another shower.”  
  
“You should clean up.”  
  
“You won’t hang up will you?” Rin asked, staring at his messy hand and stomach. “I won’t be long.”  
  
“I’d never hang up on you,” Sousuke whispered and Rin smiled. “Go get cleaned up, I need to clean up a little myself.”  
  
“Alright, I’ll leave my phone here,” Rin said sitting up. “I’ll be right back,” he said again.  
  
“Okay,” Sousuke laughed.  
  
Rin put down his phone and got up, first grabbing some tissues to wipe himself up with before grabbing new clothes and a towel and making his way to the bathroom. He was quick as he could be, avoiding combing his hair and scrubbing himself down with a vigor that’d make anyone think he was late to the Olympics themselves. Once he finished he dried off and threw on his clothes, nearly tripping as he tried to walk while pulling his shirt over his head, the restricting clothing getting stuck on his head as he tugged it down.  
  
He got back to his room, locked the door behind him and jumped onto the bed, grabbing his phone and rubbing his towel against damp hair with his other hand. “Hey, I’m back.”  
  
The line was silent and Rin slowed his hand, letting the towel slip off his head. “Sousuke?”  
  
He looked at the phone to make sure he didn’t hang up, sure enough the little clock kept ticking, saying their conversation was still ongoing. He listened carefully and wondered if he somehow made it back before Sousuke did. Did he need a shower too? It wasn’t like him though. He was usually so tired he’d do the bare minimum and just go to sleep. Did he fall asleep? All kinds of questions were swarming in Rin’s head until he heard a door open and close.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“Hey, that took you long enough,” Rin teased, lying back down. “So,” Rin hummed, “that was fun.”  
  
“That’s one way to put it,” he laughed. “How are you feeling now?”  
  
“Not to be a bummer, but kind of lonely. I wish you were here,” he mumbled, throwing his towel on the floor and letting his wet hair lay on his pillow.  
  
“Yeah, I miss you too.”  
  
“How do you do it, like get through the day? I feel like every day that passes just gets harder,” Rin admitted, rubbing at his eye. He wasn’t going to cry when they were just talking. He heard Sousuke’s breathing pause, a thoughtful sigh escaping him before he hummed.  
  
“Well, I try reminding myself how hard you’re working. How all of this is just temporary and that soon we’ll be together again,” Sousuke stopped, and Rin sat up, wondering what he could be thinking. “That when that time comes, we’ll never have to be apart again.”  
  
“Never,” Rin repeated, testing the word in his mouth. “Sousuke do you, did you mean, before, that you want to marry me?” He waited a second, getting no response from Sousuke. “Like I know we were saying a bunch of stuff before I left but we never really said it out loud and I guess it’s silly but I just wanted to make sure it’s not like I misinterpreted it.”  
  
There was more silence and Rin was ready to hang up just out of mortification before he heard Sousuke voice fill his ears. “When I gave you that ring I was intending it to be a promise that we would be engaged.”  
  
Rin let out of deep sigh of relief. “Okay, okay good, but,” Rin mumbled, “what if I considered us engaged since I got it?”  
  
The silence this time was short, the sound of heavy and stuttered breathing coming from the other side. “Sousuke?”  
  
“I love you.”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“I just kind of thought that you’d want some big grand epic gesture,” he said, voice weak, “you know like a really romantic engagement. I’d ask you the question over dinner or something and you’d say yes—like those movies you like.”  
  
“And what you said to me before wasn’t an epic romantic gesture? Red strings connecting us, promising a future together for the two of us. Saying you’d wait for me like that?” Rin let out a breathy laugh in disbelief.  
  
“When you put it like that it’s kind of embarrassing.”  
  
“It’s not, Sousuke I,” Rin breathed. “When you said all that to me, and gave me this ring, I thought my heart stopped. All I could think about before I left was how hard it was going to be to leave my—my fiancé.”  
  
“Fiancé,” Sousuke choked. “I’m going to buy you a better ring,” he said after a pause.  
  
“Don’t! I like this one. It tells our story, besides you should be saving money up so we can buy a big house together,” Rin laughed, smile finally making its way back to his face.  
  
“Yeah,” Sousuke chuckled. “So, we’re fiancés now, huh?”  
  
Rin’s ears felt hot. “I might have sort of already been telling people I have a fiancé back in Japan,” he confessed. Now the stutter in his breath was louder and Rin could swear he could hear sniffling. “Sousuke?”  
  
“Rin,” Sousuke said, voice soft and full of tears, “Rin what did I ever do to deserve you?”  
  
“What are you talking about now?”  
  
“I love you,” he sniffled, tears choking him up, “I can’t believe how lucky I am to be loved by you.”  
  
“H—hey! Don’t cry!” Rin felt tears pouring down his own cheeks, furiously trying to rub them away. “You’re going to make me cry idiot.”  
  
“Sorry.”  
  
“Fuck,” Rin groaned, wiping at his eyes. “Sousuke, it’s me who doesn’t deserve you. Fuck. This was not supposed to be how this call went. Now we sound like blubbering idiots.”  
  
He heard Sousuke’s laugh, small but genuine. “I love you. I love you, Matsuoka Rin.”  
  
“I love you too,” Rin choked.  
  
“Fiancé,” Sousuke said after a moment, “my fiancé.”  
  
“Stop saying it,” Rin groaned, though he couldn’t stop smiling.  
  
“How can I? I want to tell everyone in the world how the most wonderful, gorgeous, talented person to ever live chose me.”  
  
“Shut up! I’m not—that’s so embarrassing.”  
  
“Don’t be embarrassed, it’s true,” Sousuke laughed, louder this time. “How am I supposed to sleep now? And shouldn't you be asleep. You have practice tomorrow, don’t you?”  
  
“Yeah, sorry I kept you up this late.”  
  
“Don’t be.”  
  
“Okay,” Rin said, staring at the wall, holding his hand close to his heart, toying with his shirt. “So, uh, goodnight? Talk to you tomorrow?”  
  
“Talk to you tomorrow,” Sousuke agreed, “fiancé.”  
  
“Shut up,” Rin moaned into his pillow. “Night, fiancé.”  
  
His laughter was contagious, and Rin hung up grinning like a fool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [nsfw blog](http://www.meloncitrust.tumblr.com/)   
>  [main blog](http://www.melonmachinery.tumblr.com/)


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update! Still quite a few to go… but it's another step further!

Rin hiked up his duffle bag a little more as he walked down the hall, eyes trained on each passing number. When he got to the second to last door he took a deep breath and knocked on it. He counted three seconds before the door was thrown open and Sousuke was standing there with a blinding grin.  
  
“Hey,” Rin greeted, a little breathless and his heart pounding in his ears.  
  
“Hey,” Sousuke repeated. “You didn't have trouble getting here?”  
  
“A lot less trouble than if you tried to pick me up at the airport,” Rin teased, throwing on a cocky grin and trying to cover up how nervous he was. Sousuke scowled, but his smile was quick to return to his face.  
  
“I could have picked you up.”  
  
“Would have took longer,” Rin countered, shuffling in place. “So, you going to invite me in or?”  
  
Sousuke’s eyes widened and his cheeks turned a soft pink. “Yeah, of course, come in,” he said, grabbing Rin’s other bag and pulling it inside. Rin released his duffle bag, letting it fall on the floor of the entrance as he kicked the door shut behind him and wrapped himself around Sousuke. Familiar arms embraced him and gave him a squeeze, picking him up just a little.  
  
“I missed you,” Rin breathed into his neck.  
  
“I missed you too,” Sousuke said. “I can't believe you're really here.”

“I can't believe it either,” Rin laughed.

“Are you tired from the flight? Do you want to eat?”  
  
“Little tired, little hungry,” Rin said, hugging him tighter. “Smells like you were planning on feeding me when I got here.”  
  
“You could sleep first,” Sousuke started, stopped by Rin’s kiss. “Or later,” he finished.  
  
“Food then nap,” Rin decided. “What'd you make? Smells delicious.”  
  
“Wasn't sure what you wanted so I kind of just made a bunch of stuff,” he said, pulling back and helping Rin out of his jacket. Rin kicked off his shoes and they both stumbled into the kitchen, neither capable of letting each other go. They were practically attached at the hip, breathing in deep, hugging each other like they'd been apart for years and not months.

As soon as they entered the kitchen Rin’s mouth began to water, jaw slack as he saw the array of food on the small table. Skewered meat, pork cutlets, pan-fried fish, and a bunch of bowls of various vegetables. “You don't have to eat it all now, we can put some of it in the fridge.”  
  
“Sousuke,” Rin groaned, taking a big inhale of the salty and savory smell that saturated the kitchen. “Marry me.”  
  
Sousuke laughed, releasing Rin for the first time to grab some plates. Rin accepted the one handed to him. “There's not really room in here so we can eat in the living room.”  
  
“Sounds great,” Rin hummed, already throwing on as much of the food as he could fit. “Where’s your,” he asked, turning around and seeing Sousuke preparing two bowls of rice. “Never mind then. Do you have anything to drink in the fridge?”  
  
“Cola, or water,” he replied with a shrug, carrying the bowls and chopsticks out of the kitchen. “Grab me a can?”  
  
“Of course,” Rin said, grabbing two cans of cola and balancing them in his one hand as he walked into the living room. He set his plate on the coffee table and sat down, finally taking a moment to look around while Sousuke went back to fix his own plate.  
  
“This apartment is a lot bigger than I thought it was going to be,” Rin hummed, looking around. A small love seat of a couch, coffee table, decently sized TV, closet space. The kitchen was only partially in view, and there was still a bathroom and a bedroom he had yet to see. The sheer floor space was surprising.  
  
“My dad couldn’t be living in a hole in the wall like a normal person,” Sousuke said, coming back with two plates, one full of his food and another full of the side dishes Rin hadn’t been able to fit on his own plate. “Can’t invite women over to your apartment if it’s a hole in the wall, and can’t get caught going out.”  
  
“Women?” Rin said, mumbling his thanks for the food. “So, he really was having an affair?”  
  
“A few from what I gathered,” Sousuke said with a shrug. “Two different girls had shown up while I was staying here alone. He was considering just getting rid of this place and giving me your average cheap apartment, but after I actually had real evidence he decided to shut me up by leaving me this place.”  
  
Rin hummed thoughtfully, picking up a skewer and taking a bite out of the steak on it. He almost moaned, it was delicious. “Well, I guess that’s good for you?”  
  
“I like having an actual kitchen,” he agreed. “Besides it’s not like my mom doesn’t know. Guess that just makes me the same as her, bribed into silence.”  
  
“Don’t say it like that,” Rin said, shifting closer until he was leaning against Sousuke. “Are you sure you’re okay with everything?”  
  
“Yeah. Especially now that you’re here,” Sousuke said with a grin, giving him a kiss. Rin laughed, licking off some leftover sauce at the corner of his mouth.  
  
“You know I don’t think I’ve ever told you how much I love your cooking,” Rin said, focusing back on stuffing his cheeks full of meat and rice.  
  
“Pretty sure you have,” he laughed. “But I’m glad you do.”  
  
Rin gave him a kiss on the cheek before chowing down. They both ate in relative silence, only marred by Rin’s soft groans of approval. Sousuke really knew how to cook meat just right, and he only seemed to have gotten better after getting a part time job at a local bar as kitchen staff.  
  
“So how long before you start training with the Tokyo team?”  
  
“Got here a little early,” Rin said, covering his mouth as he finished chewing, “so I could see you. Have a little less than a week just to ourselves.”  
  
“That’ll be nice. I took off work for a couple days, but I have a few classes. They aren’t long, and I figured you’d probably want to see your friends anyways.”  
  
“Yeah, I was already hashing out the details with Makoto. He’s been taking only morning classes lately so I’ll spend the mornings with you and go hang around with Makoto and Haru. Nagisa and Rei are even coming up for a day or two.”  
  
“Sounds like a hassle,” Sousuke teased, but smiled all the same as Rin pushed him.  
  
“What about after training starts? They don’t mind that you’ll be staying with me instead of with everyone else?”  
  
“I worked it all out, stop worrying,” Rin said, rubbing his stomach. “This is ridiculous, I barely ate anything and I’m already stuffed.”  
  
“I made a lot,” Sousuke said, picking up the plates.  
  
“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” Rin protested, staring at him as he took them into the kitchen. “I wasn’t finished with that!”  
  
“You can finish it later,” Sousuke called back. Rin’s laugh turned into a yawn, squeezing some water from his eyes.  
  
“Fine,” he muttered. He picked up their rice bowls and a dropped them off in the kitchen, leaning against Sousuke’s back as he consolidated the food. “Can I take a shower?”  
  
“Of course, towels are in the bathroom.”  
  
“Okay,” Rin yawned, laughing when Sousuke tried to avoid the yawn he knew was coming. He gave Sousuke a quick squeeze before walking back to the door and grabbing his duffle bag. He dragged it to the bedroom, giving only a cursory glance to the room before grabbing some comfy clothes and his toiletry bag. The bathroom was small, too small for a joint shower which was a little sad, but they’d get to sleep together for the first time since they graduated, and that alone was enough to satisfy Rin.  
  
He didn't take long showering, not bothering to wash his hair, just needing to rinse off that awful airplane feeling. Forgoing his own body wash for Sousuke’s, he exited the shower and got dressed, rubbing the towel against his hair as he walked out and saw Sousuke dragging his luggage bag into the bedroom.  
  
“Don’t you have a blow-dryer?”  
  
“I’ll buy you one later,” Sousuke amended, smirking at him as he saw Rin enter the bedroom. “I was wondering where that shirt went.”  
  
“So, sue me,” Rin said, unashamed of stealing, another, of Sousuke’s shirts before departing for Australia.  
  
“I lost like half my clothes when you left,” Sousuke said, crawling into the bed.  
  
“Shut up,” Rin said, throwing the towel at him. Sousuke laughed, tossing it to the side. “Is there a reason this bed is so big?”  
  
“Before you say anything, I bought a replacement mattress,” he said with his hands up. “I’d rather not think about it any further.”  
  
“Agreed,” Rin hummed, flopping onto the bed. “You know it’s like the middle of the day, you don’t have to stay with me.”  
  
“You say that like it’s really an option.”  
  
Rin snorted, shoving him before crawling under the covers. “Well if you’re serious, turn off the light. I’m exhausted. This is what I get for trying to get out here as soon as possible.”  
  
“No one asked you to get on the first flight after your swim meet,” Sousuke said, getting up and turning off the light before lying down next to him and pulling him into his chest. “But I’m glad you did.”  
  
“Me too,” Rin said, curling around the other and feeling at peace for the first time in months. The gentle hand combing through his damp hair and the steady, familiar beat of Sousuke’s heart were enough to knock him out in minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [nsfw blog](http://www.meloncitrust.tumblr.com/)   
>  [main blog](http://www.melonmachinery.tumblr.com/)


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeehaw, another update!

The first two days had been a fuzzy and lazy filled reunion between the two. It felt familiar and new, a little nervous spending time with each other after so long apart. Kisses were still soft and welcoming, but when Rin woke up on the third day there was a carnal desire to touch, to take, to keep Sousuke in that apartment until they were both a satisfied mess of sweaty limbs.  
  
So, on the third day, while Sousuke was in the kitchen making them dinner, Rin was on a secret mission to find the hidden lube he knew Sousuke had to have somewhere. He wanted to get everything ready, Sousuke was doing so much for him while he was there he wanted to be able to do something for Sousuke too. He checked the nightstand first, finding nothing more than tissues, nasal spray, and a box of vitamins. He checked his drawers and his tiny closet. Finding nothing, he took to digging under the bed, finding several boxes but noticing one box in particular. It was unassuming, if not for the fact that it was the only shoebox there. Opening it up he found the lube he had sought for, as well as condoms which perplexed him, and two long silicon items that made the rate of his pulse skyrocket.  
  
One was thinner, and didn’t have a power switch or a place for a battery like the other one. Taking three deep breaths before picking up the items to confirm that they were indeed what he thought they were, Rin felt his body grow hot. He wasn’t sure what the information his eyes were collecting could mean, his brain short circuiting as he put the contents back into the box and the box on the bed, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself. He stood up, feeling like his legs were already made into jelly, and jumped nearly a foot in the air when Sousuke opened the door.  
  
“Rin did you want—,” Sousuke stopped, brow creased in confusion as he stared back at Rin, who felt like a deer caught in headlights. His eyes dropped to the bed, noticing the box and he stiffened up, turning a mix of ghostly pale and bright red simultaneously. “What, uh, what—where did you?”  
  
“I was looking for lube because I thought I wanted to do something nice for you and I missed touching you so I was kind of snooping around and I found this box and like you don’t have to say anything about it and we can just forget this happened if you don't want to talk about it but if you do I'm totally cool with it and I’m rambling right now so I'll just stop,” Rin said, voicing getting higher and higher until it was a step away from cracking. The white of Sousuke’s lips bled away to a full body blush and his shoulders were up so tight Rin was sure he was going to hurt himself.  
  
“Uh, should we talk now? Dinner is ready but I could put it away,” Sousuke said, already backing out of the bedroom.  
  
“Let’s eat!” Rin squeaked, pushing past Sousuke and into the kitchen, sitting down at the small table. Sousuke followed shortly after and they stared at the food Sousuke had made for them that night in silence. Neither made a move to eat so Rin decided to try and break the awkward atmosphere around them, picking up his chopsticks. Sousuke followed suit a moment after and they ate in silence, but not even five minutes in Sousuke stopped and looked up at Rin with a desperate and wild look in his eyes.  
  
“Is that weird? Do you find that gross?”  
  
“Huh?” Rin asked, nearly choking on his rice. “Wh—no, I mean. That’s, like did you, have you been using those on yourself?” Sousuke said nothing, face scrunching up in embarrassment. “Stupid question, uh—like. It’s not, weird. I mean I was surprised, but it’s fine. How, how long have you had them?”  
  
“A while,” Sousuke said, putting his head in his hands. “Since before we started having phone sex.”  
  
“Oh,” Rin said, eyes widening. “Oh, then that—wow, okay. Alright. That’s kind of hot.”  
  
“You’re not just saying that right?” Sousuke asked, eyes hard but voice wavering. “You’re always going on and on about how you don’t want me to do shit like this, I always thought it was because of fear and your feelings towards sex. I never even stopped to consider that you just might find it gross for me to be like that.”

“I don't think you're gross,” Rin said, shocked. “I’d never think you were gross! I know I've said a lot of things, but we’ve always been doing the same stuff up till now and I've never once felt like I wanted that to stop. Okay, well maybe a little, but that's because of like, whatever is wrong with me, not because I don't find you attractive like, you know, that. I’m a little upset you did all this without telling me though. I mean, it's been so long and you didn't mention it at all.”

“I’m sorry,” Sousuke said, looking rather sheepish, “I know I should have talked to you about this before, but I was worried you'd feel anxious and do something crazy on your own. I just thought if I did it first you wouldn’t be scared, or want to force yourself. And I could make it easier for you.”  
  
“You did this for me?” Rin’s throat went dry and his cheeks were hot. Sousuke grimaced, face just as red as Rin knew his was.  
  
“Maybe not all of it, but yeah. I thought this way even if you think you’re not forcing yourself I would know, and I would like, know what to do, and not fuck it up for us.”  
  
Rin stopped, letting his words run over him before standing up. Sousuke didn’t say a word, looking a little worried as Rin grabbed tin foil and wrapped their bowls, throwing them into the fridge and grabbing Sousuke’s arm, pulling him to the bedroom. “Rin?”  
  
Rin crawled up onto the bed, sitting down and patting the spot in front of him. Sousuke looked confused but got onto the bed, letting Rin take his hands into his own. “So—do you, I mean I kind of already said I wanted to take things a little further, but are you okay with doing that with me here?”  
  
“It was kind of the whole point,” Sousuke said with a huff of a laugh, though the cherry red of his ears did not disappear. “What do you want to do?”  
  
Rin leaned forward and gave him a kiss in lieu of a response, lacing their fingers together. Sousuke was stiff at first, but sighed as he cradled the back of Rin’s head, pulling him closer. Scooting forward, Rin let his legs sit on either side of Sousuke, Rin’s fingers groping and pulling at his back muscles, as if he could pull them close enough to become one person. Discarding their shirts, they pressed against each other, Rin kissing Sousuke’s forehead, his nose, his chin, his jaw, his lips. Trying to convey to Sousuke just how grateful he was that Sousuke loved him the way he did, and show that he loved him just the same.  
  
“I don’t know how far we’re going to get tonight,” Sousuke said, breathless placing hot open mouth kisses to Rin’s neck. “It’s been so long, don’t know if I can last.”  
  
“Good,” Rin laughed, “I’m not too confident I’d be able to keep up anyhow.”  
  
Sousuke chuckled, unbuckling Rin’s pants. “How do you want to go about this then?”  
  
“Fuck,” Rin groaned, helping him pull his pants off. “I do want to see—but instant gratification also sounds so nice right now.” Rin shot him a smirk as he returned the favor, palming at Sousuke’s underwear. “Up to you.”  
  
“I’ll have to leave to get ready if you want me to,” Sousuke mumbled, trying to speak as Rin licked his way into his mouth. Thinking about having to wait was just too much, pulling Sousuke’s underwear down and wrapped his hand around him. Feeling that warm pulsating in his hand was enough to throw away any thought of waiting or preparing. Sousuke moaned into his mouth.  
  
“Next time,” Rin decided, nipping at Sousuke’s jaw, working his way down to his chest. “Shit, Sousuke, I missed you so much.”  
  
“Rin,” Sousuke sighed, falling back onto the bed. Rin got up onto his knees pushing his hair back before diving in to kiss and bite at Sousuke’s chest, cupping those muscles in his hand and giving them a delicious squeeze before licking a hot trail down to his abs. Giving his stomach one more kiss he moved back up to capture Sousuke’s lips. Sousuke shoved Rin’s own underwear down around his ass, just enough space to allow him to return the favor. Arching up against Rin as he ground down, both trying to wrap their hands around each other, holding the smoldering heat between them together, rubbing against each other in the best rhythm they could manage before cumming.  
  
Hot puffs of breath were swallowed by their kisses as they continued to ride out their orgasm, Rin cursing it for being so quick but in such a state of euphoria from finally touching Sousuke’s skin he barely cared.  
  
“Love you,” Rin whispered between kisses. “I love you so much.”  
  
Sousuke smiled into their kiss. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [nsfw blog](http://www.meloncitrust.tumblr.com/)   
>  [main blog](http://www.melonmachinery.tumblr.com/)


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well folks, here we go…

The next morning there was a bounce in Rin’s step. Getting up for his morning jog, coming back and kissing Sousuke awake, making breakfast for them both while Sousuke was in the shower, everything felt incredible. By the time they finished their morning routine they still had a few hours to spare before Sousuke had to leave for his class, and the other had become increasingly suspicious that it was on purpose.  
  
“So, what’s this all about?” Sousuke asked as they washed their dishes. Rin’s cheeks flushed but he kept his face turned towards the bowl he was drying.  
  
“What’s what all about?” Rin asked, though he knew his grin gave him away. Sousuke made a face at him, putting the dish he was cleaning back in the sink and turning to face Rin, arms crossed and one thick eyebrow raised.  
  
“You know what I’m talking about,” Sousuke countered, waiting patiently for Rin to give up his secrets. Rin rolled his eyes but mimicked Sousuke, folding his arms and raising an eyebrow back at him.  
  
“You’ll have to be a little more specific than that, Yamazaki.”  
  
“You want something and we both know it, so spill,” Sousuke said, poking Rin in the forehead. Rin frowned, pulling back. “You’re way more energetic than usual, which is saying something.”  
  
“Well,” Rin said, shrugging. “I may have thought you’d want to do something before you went to class today,” he drawled, glancing up at him through his eyelashes.  
  
“A date?” Sousuke asked. Rin laughed a little, grabbing Sousuke by his waist band and tugging him closer.  
  
“I meant something more private than that,” he continued. “I mean last night was great and all, but we were both a little quick and I thought you’d want to try and fix that.”  
  
Sousuke grinned, arms going to Rin’s sides, pulling him until they were flush together, noses brushing against one another as they stared into each other’s eyes. “That doesn’t sound like a bad idea.”  
  
“Wait for me in the bedroom?” Rin hummed, kissing the corner of Sousuke’s lips before slipping out of his grip and walking to the bathroom. He heard Sousuke follow before turning to the bedroom to wait.  
  
He locked the bathroom door, still too embarrassed by the whole process, and took a deep breath as he committed to cleaning himself. It had been so long since he last touched himself like that, but knowing what Sousuke was going through to make their first time comfortable, Rin wanted to put forth some effort too. He chose to take a quick shower to rinse off the anxiety when he was done, trying to wash away the uncomfortable feeling between his legs. Knowing that Sousuke had to have realized what he was up to by now, Rin pushed back his hair, staring at himself in the mirror before closing his eyes and counting to himself.  
  
Once he was ready he left the bathroom, a sigh of relief as he saw Sousuke sitting on the bed, looking just as nervous as he felt. Somehow it was reassuring, that no matter how much Sousuke was practicing on his own they were still the same. Still new, still unsure.  
  
“Are you sure this is what you want to do right now?”  
  
“Yeah,” Rin replied, climbing over to him, planting a chaste kiss on his lips. “You’re not the only one who hates being left behind. Besides,” Rin said, putting a hand up to Sousuke’s lips when he saw the other’s protest coming, “you’re going to be doing a lot more than me tonight.”  
  
Sousuke’s lips pursed, and Rin’s face went aflame. “If—if you want that is,” he added, not wanting to pressure him into anything.  
  
“Tonight? Are you,” Sousuke breathed, voice soft, “are you serious? Are you ready?”  
  
“Well, now that everything’s out there I just thought,” he reasoned with a shrug. “I, I’ve been waiting so long for this. I’ve been waiting so long to be with you, Sousuke.”  
  
“Me too,” Sousuke whispered, caressing his face. “But we don’t have to rush it.”  
  
“I know,” Rin replied, biting his own lip. “But we can at least try and feel it out, right?”  
  
“Yeah, yeah we can.”  
  
Rin found that he was less nervous than he thought, Sousuke’s soft kisses as they laid back against the bed a soft comfort. Everything was sweet and slow, the morning sun peeking through the sheer curtains, the shades pulled up. Sousuke’s skin was warm and reassuring, calloused hands traveling up and down his sides, holding him close. His clothes and Rin’s towel were discarded without a fuss, too focused on the leisure petting and the wonderful taste of kisses.  
  
The slicked-up finger against him was familiar, but Rin still tensed, Sousuke’s free hand hiking his leg up around his hip, pulling him closer, whispering sweet nothings into his ear as he pressed in slowly. A tingle went up Rin’s spine and a shudder ran through his heart, breathless as he kissed Sousuke, trying to ground himself as the other pushed further inside, knuckle deep before stopping his unhurried but persistent pressure.  
  
Rin’s mouth fell open as he began to rub gently at his inner walls, it was just as strange as he remembered, but there was a comforting intimacy that wasn’t there the last time. A swelling in his chest, love filled and breathtaking as Sousuke kissed his eyes closed. Rin could recognize the shift between the hesitancy in Sousuke’s movements turning into languid and sure. Thorough in both his kisses and his gentle prodding, Sousuke added a second finger in such a way Rin barely noticed the ache, tensing only a second before the muscle under his hands distracted him from any nervousness.  
  
Those thick fingers curled inside him and so did Rin’s toes, a gasp leaving his lips as he arched just a little, squirming in Sousuke’s hold as he started to stretch the other out. “Tell me if it’s too much,” Sousuke whispered against his neck, kissing the soft skin there. Rin’s own hand left Sousuke’s crotch, dipping below his own balls to feel the brush of the fingers moving in and out of him.  
  
“Oh,” Rin groaned, craning his neck, trying to get a glimpse of Sousuke’s fingers entering him. “Sousuke,” he whispered, Sousuke noticing and kissing him silent, pulling his fingers out slowly. “No, no, more. I meant more is fine,” Rin insisted, covering his eyes with the back of his hand.  
  
“Trust me, okay?” Sousuke said. Rin could only nod, Sousuke reentering him, still with only two fingers, prodding deeper before the tips of his fingers brushed too close to that which Rin always tried to avoid. “Next time, but right now I want this to be good for you. Just keep yourself focused here,” he said, a little breathless himself as he dragged Rin’s other hand back to Rin’s dick. “Let me get you off just like this.”  
  
“Sousuke?” Rin asked, eyes blown wide as he stared back into the dark lustful eyes of the love of his life. Sousuke smiled at him, gentle and sweet as he kissed him.  
  
“Just like this,” he repeated.  
  
Rin nodded mindlessly, watching with baited breath as Sousuke smiled at him again, kissing his cheek before latching back onto his neck, this time at the base, close to his collar bone. Rin focused on pumping himself, rhythm stuttering and angle faltering every time Sousuke curled his fingers inside him, closer and closer until he was pressing against his prostate. The sheer intensity of it had Rin sucking in breath, groaning and squirming until Sousuke had to hold his hips down, kissing his cheeks and whispering to him something Rin couldn’t hear past his own breaths and the beat of his heart pounding in his ears, brain going blank under the unadulterated sensations.  
  
There had been hints of it before, but never had either of them touched it so directly and Rin was whipping his head back and forth, struggling between the conflicting feelings. Sousuke’s gentle rubbing creating an itch that had Rin trying to push back against his fingers, trying to get more of the feeling while running away from it all at the same time. The battle of clashing emotions causing Rin to start thrusting himself against Sousuke’s fingers, which became painstakingly still.  
  
Tears started forming in the corner of his eyes, overwhelmed by it all. Scared, but excited, but terrified, and as if Sousuke knew that too, because he knew everything, he tucked Rin’s head into the crook of his neck, and the hand that was holding him down helped him get off until he was letting out a silent scream, back arching and body tensing. Sousuke’s fingers remained motionless as he jacked him off, and when Rin came back down they were removed gingerly, wiping the mess on the sheets before coming up to Rin’s arm, turning him onto his side and pulling him into a hug.  
  
Rin felt the few tears on his face get wiped away and he opened his eyes, looking at Sousuke and letting more tears fall. Sousuke didn’t look worried though, just a little concern showing in the squint of his eyes, smiling at him and kissing him.

“Is it okay to touch you right now?” Sousuke asked, shifting away to give Rin a little space. It wasn't unusual for Rin to postpone their cuddles until they were both washed, but in that moment even the slight distance between them had Rin reeling.

“Yeah,” Rin said, moving closer to Sousuke. “Don't let go just yet.”  
  
Sousuke relaxed back against him, wrapping an arm around him and rubbing circles into his back. “Too much?”  
  
“No, it was—great it was just,” Rin choked, more tears coming out and he wiped at them. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”  
  
“It’s a little overwhelming,” Sousuke agreed. “Did you hate it?”  
  
“No, not at all,” Rin said, shaking his head. He wiped at his eyes again though they were dry. “Did you, uh, cry though? Is that natural?”  
  
“Teared up,” he admitted with a laugh. “Though I was a lot less kind with myself.”  
  
“What does that mean?”  
  
“Went for the harder stuff a little too fast,” Sousuke said, fingers combing through Rin’s hair, pushing it away from his forehead. “You’ll let me know if that was too much right? I didn’t take it too far?”  
  
“Of course, it was fine Sousuke I’m just,” Rin said, hiding his head in Sousuke’s neck again. “It was overwhelming, like you said. I mean I kind of knew it was going to be, it was when we tried back at the dorms. I guess I just, didn’t expect it to feel so intense or something.”  
  
Sousuke hummed, hugging him. “I really wanted to taste you,” Sousuke said after a second, “but I wouldn’t have been able to watch your reactions.”  
  
“That’s embarrassing.”  
  
“I wanted to know I wasn’t hurting you.”  
  
Rin pulled back and looked at him thoughtfully, mouth in a soft line. He let his fingers trace Sousuke’s lips, thumb catching the corner of a reassuring smile. “Thanks.”  
  
Sousuke smiled, grabbing Rin’s hand and giving it a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [nsfw blog](http://www.meloncitrust.tumblr.com/)   
>  [main blog](http://www.melonmachinery.tumblr.com/)


	34. Chapter 34

To say Rin was distracted was an understatement. It got to the point that Haru and Makoto had been the ones to decide that they should meet up again tomorrow instead, and Rin was maybe just a little too eager to make his way back to Sousuke’s apartment. He picked up things for dinner, and a few things from the pharmacy to prepare for their night. He even went so far as to get more body wash because he had a feeling the bottle back at the apartment was not going to last with how many showers they were going to be taking. Rin had already taken two that day, and nearly used up Sousuke’s delicious smelling body wash cleaning himself up after their intense morning.  
  
He wondered how Sousuke was handling it, stuck at school until dinner time. When Rin got back to the apartment he put everything away and got set on making them a simple dinner. He wasn’t nearly as talented as Sousuke, but he knew how to make enough food to keep him fit for swimming. He didn’t want to make Sousuke make dinner, not when that’d waste precious time and Rin was already trying to fight down the hot sensation in his stomach whenever he thought about their plans for the night.  
  
When Sousuke had left that afternoon, running late due to their activities, Rin knew what it meant for them. The look in his eyes, the hesitation in them both as they said their goodbyes at the front door. Tonight was going to be the night, Rin was sure of it. It wasn’t at all how he was expecting it to go down, but he had been practicing patience during his time in Australia. Patience with himself, allowing things to not go as planned. Taking a deep breath and counting to ten and back again, something he developed to calm his nerves, he looked at the clock.  
  
Sousuke would come home, they’d eat, they’d both shower, and then they’d spend the rest of the night making a mess of the sheets Rin had just washed for them. Glad he bought an extra set of bedding just thinking about it, Rin looked at the clock again, leg shaking as he finished setting up the tiny kitchen table with their modest dinner. Nothing but meat and vegetables, but exactly what he needed. Sousuke’s cooking was spoiling him and he needed to remember that not long from then he’d have to get back to training.  
  
That, Rin admitted to himself, might have been one of the bigger reasons Rin wanted to have sex with Sousuke that night. They had precious little time before their schedules would get busy again, and soon after he’d be whisked away back to Australia and they’d have to be apart again for many more months until their next meeting. Still, he didn’t want Sousuke to feel like he was pressuring himself into it, he knew he was as ready as he was going to be for their first time. First times where messy, not a single first they had together hadn’t been, but he wanted it so bad. He craved it, needed it, in a way that wasn’t present before. Not a desperate need to reassure himself they’re connected, just an instinctual desire to join as one, as embarrassing and romantic as that sounded even in his own ears.  
  
Making sure the stove top was turned off, Rin covered all the food, keeping it warm and checking the clock once more. Feeling like his eyes were on a swivel, always searching for the time, he walked to the bedroom and grabbed some clothes, rushing to the bathroom to take a quick shower. If he got his out of the way then, before Sousuke got there, that’d cut down the time even more, and Rin was never one for waiting. He heard the door open just as the warm water finally kicked in.  
  
“Rin?”  
  
“Hey, welcome home,” Rin said, finishing up and grabbing his towel. Sousuke was standing there with a grin. “I made dinner.”  
  
“I saw,” Sousuke said, giving him kiss. “I’m home.”  
  
“Let’s eat before it gets cold and then you can take a shower,” Rin said, keeping his tone light at the end, more of a question than anything. Sousuke agreed and helped dry Rin off. Rough hands taking the towel from Rin and rubbing him down while Rin did a quick session with their new hairdryer. Rin threw on his shirt and underwear before heading off to the kitchen.  
  
“No pants?”  
  
“Not like I’ll need them after dinner,” Rin teased, digging into the pork on his plate. “How was school?”  
  
“Excruciating,” Sousuke groaned, picking up his chopsticks. “I don’t think time has ever moved slower.”  
  
“Me neither,” Rin agreed, hiding his smirk. “You nervous?”  
  
“You?” Sousuke countered, shoving food into his mouth. Rin snickered at the way he stuffed his cheeks.  
  
“A little,” Rin conceded, “more excited though.”  
  
“Me too.”  
  
Rin looked down, picking at the pickled vegetables he had pulled out of the fridge for their meal. He’d have to ask Sousuke what he did to make them taste so good, only sweet enough to leave a slight tangy taste, and they were always crisp, a delicious crunchy texture in your mouth with every bite.  
  
Trying to focus on the meal and talk about their day, Rin avoided anything too obvious as he glanced at Sousuke. Laughing as they told each other the ridiculous things they had seen, from strangers on the streets to Haru’s crazy shenanigans. It was a light-hearted conversation and put Rin at ease. It was familiar, but the tingling in his toes and ears hadn’t stopped once since Sousuke had gotten home.  
  
When they had finished Rin had nearly shoved Sousuke out of the kitchen, telling him to go clean up. All he received for that was loud laughter and a few teases as he went to do as he was told. Rin tried not to let the heat of his cheeks show before returning to the kitchen and clearing their plates, putting away leftovers and cleaning the dishes. He listened to the sound of the toilet flush, and the shower turn on. Once everything was scrubbed clean Rin went to the bedroom.  
  
He felt maybe a little foolish when he found himself folding up the comforter and putting it out of the way so it wouldn’t get dirty, or fluffing the pillows and flattening out the sheets to make sure that there were no creases. He couldn’t really help it, the giddiness and butterflies in his stomach compelling him to do something, anything, to distract himself while he waited for Sousuke.  
  
When he heard the shower turn off he sat up straight, sitting at the edge of the bed with his feet on the ground, back pin straight as Sousuke walked in. No towel was wrapped around his waist, only a towel in his hands rubbing furiously at his hair. He laughed at Rin as he walked in.  
  
“You look relaxed,” he said.  
  
“Shut up,” Rin said, kicking his calf as he passed by, grabbing stuff out from the box that they had left sitting on Sousuke’s dresser since it’s discovery. “So, where do we start?”  
  
“You’re being too stiff about it,” Sousuke said, getting up onto the bed. “But maybe that’s okay. It’s easier to do if it if we’re like this.”  
  
“Like what?” Rin asked, surprised as Sousuke pulled Rin over, causing him to sit on his knees. Sousuke let the tip of his nose touch Rin’s, eyes flitting down to his lips. “Oh—you, you don’t want to lay down?”  
  
“Not just yet,” Sousuke said, lips brushing against Rin’s as he spoke, looking back into his eyes. Rin felt his gut tighten. He dove forward, kissing Sousuke senseless, arms wrapped around his neck, a hand in his damp hair.  
  
He felt Sousuke shift them until they were both up on their knees, one hand pulling Rin’s arm down around his waist, as if he was looking for help balancing. Rin’s eyes snapped open when he heard the cap of the lube pop off. Sousuke’s hands left him, leaning into him for support, kissing his neck and Rin looked down at the slide of Sousuke’s back. The rolling and tensing muscles in front of him leaving his throat dry.  
  
Just when he thought it couldn’t get hotter, Sousuke reached back behind himself and began to finger himself open. “Sousuke,” Rin stuttered, almost losing balance just watching. “W—what should I do?”  
  
“Try not to fall over,” Sousuke chuckled in his ear, giving him a kiss on the cheek. “Do whatever you want, it’s just going to take me a minute.”  
  
“Is it really easier on your knees like this?” Rin swallowed, eyes caught somewhere between watching the muscles on Sousuke’s back contort and the disappearing hand in view.  
  
“Easier than on my back, and less embarrassing than sticking my ass up in the air for you to see,” he joked, voice a little tight. Rin tried to laugh, but all he could do was stare with his hands uselessly resting at Sousuke’s sides. “You’ve gone awfully quiet.”  
  
“It’s not like I talk a lot,” Rin grumbled, tearing his eyes away long enough to get a sight of fire red ears. “I might be a little nervous,” he whispered, digging his face into Sousuke’s shoulder.  
  
“Me too,” Sousuke said. “Do you want to stop?”  
  
“No.”

He held Sousuke steady as he pulled away, shocked when hot lips and a sneaky tongue attached themselves to his mouth. Groaning, letting Sousuke distract him from what was happening, a wet and sloppy lick to his bottom lip drawing his attention. With Sousuke kissing him like that he felt a tension leave his shoulders, one he hadn’t realized was there.  
  
Things went easier after that, kissing, touching. Sousuke even let Rin’s hand venture down to help loosen him and Rin wasn’t sure how he hadn’t passed out feeling the inside of Sousuke for the first time since high school. A million questions running through his head, half of them questioning whether or not it was always that hot inside. It wasn’t until Sousuke was pulling away from Rin and scooting back on the bed that Rin’s brain stopped. Following blindly until they were lying down together, touching each other no different than they had the night before.  
  
It went slower then, time stopping while they embraced each other, pulling each other as close as possible until Sousuke’s body was crushing him. “Sousuke?” Rin moaned, a question in the air as he rolled his hips against him before sitting back up off him. A condom was put in his hand and Rin froze, staring at Sousuke.  
  
That reaction wasn’t the right one, it seemed, as Sousuke visibly wilted, an excuse on his lips before Rin grabbed his hand, holding him there. “Rin,” Sousuke warned, a wary look in his eyes.  
  
“It’s fine, I just—was surprised for a second,” Rin said, trying to find a good excuse before he opened the little foil packet and rolled the condom on. “Where’d you put the lube?”  
  
“I’ll take care of that,” Sousuke said, grabbing the bottle and applying a healthy amount to his hand before coating Rin. Almost too much, in his opinion, it was so sloppy and getting everywhere, but he didn’t question it. He poured another obscene amount in his hand, getting up onto his knees to reach back to his ass. Rin had no words when suddenly Sousuke was shuffling up Rin’s body, knees around his stomach as he tried to line themselves up.  
  
The first few tries were failures, sliding across instead of staying put. Sousuke’s face and chest were flushed, embarrassment in his eyes until Rin was holding himself as steady as he could and they worked together. The slips against his asshole had been already too much, but then they caught the right angle, and Rin held his breath for what felt like hours. Rin watched Sousuke’s face scrunched up in concentration, but as soon as Rin’s tip entered the tight ring of muscle his eyes shut tight, and it was if the world around him disappeared, nothing left but unbearable heat and pressure. He tightened his gut, shaking slightly as Sousuke slowly inched himself down Rin’s shaft.  
  
It was so much tighter than he had imagined, the heat inside so intense it felt like he shouldn’t be there. It was too much, too intimate, and it was driving the breath out of him. Body shaking, breathing coming in staggered uneven breaths, he shifted when he felt Sousuke finish seating himself fully.  
  
“Fuck,” Sousuke cursed, Rin’s eyes snapping open though he willed himself to stay still. “Don’t—don’t move, Rin.”  
  
“I won’t, I’m sorry,” Rin breathed, flinching when Sousuke’s quaking legs made him pull back up to get a better balance. “Sou—I’m not going to last long—there’s no way.”  
  
“Good, good, don’t,” Sousuke said, a slight plead in his voice that made Rin’s heart ache. He looked up at him, grabbing his hands. “I’m okay, don’t look at me like that.”  
  
Sousuke shifted again, legs slipping and Rin moaned loud and unhindered. “It’s just. You’re so—I can feel you inside me,” he whispered, like it was too crazy to understand. “It’s so hot. It’s not like when I use those—it’s too much.”  
  
“Do you want to stop?” Rin asked, face scrunched up tight as he tried to hold back the desperate need to thrust into that heat. “Sousuke, Sousuke maybe we should stop. I don’t know about this—,” he choked, water welling in his eyes.  
  
“No,” Sousuke said, shaking his head and Rin almost screamed when he sat back down, and this time Sousuke was the one moaning. “It’s fine,” he groaned. “Rin, try not to move, please.”  
  
Rin tried to groan out an affirmative, voice lost as Sousuke started to rock their bodies, so slow, so painfully slow but Rin was ready to blow just feeling it. Realizing he wasn’t doing anything to help, Rin grabbed hold of Sousuke’s cock, hot and leaking in his hand. A mistake, it seemed, as Sousuke clenched down on him and moaned, grabbing hold of his hand to stop him.  
  
“I told you not to move!”  
  
“I want you to feel good,” Rin choked, Sousuke’s yelling shaking their bodies. Before anything else could happen, Rin looked and saw tears rolling down Sousuke’s cheeks and his heart stopped. “Sousuke?”  
  
“What?” Sousuke asked, seeming to not notice the trails of water making their way down his cheeks. “S—something wrong?” he groaned, rocking with a little more force.  
  
“You,” Rin moaned, “you’re crying! Stop moving! Are you okay?”  
  
“’M fine,” Sousuke said, grabbing ahold of Rin’s hand and lacing their hands. “Just overwhelming,” he said, a light smile on his lips. Rin nodded, tears pouring out of his own eyes. It was overwhelming to the point it was terrifying. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. Sousuke closed his eyes and tipped his head back then. “Rin, if you, you want to move a little it’s fine.”  
  
Unsure but unable to deny how much he wanted to move, Rin picked his legs up a little so he could get leverage on the bed. Sousuke moaned and started to fall forward, hands on the bed as they both cried out, Rin now thrusting up into him. It wasn’t much, Sousuke nearly fully seated on Rin’s cock, but it sent waves of pleasure running up his spine and he kept it up, picking up the pace just a little when Sousuke leaned down to kiss him, and just like that he came. Sousuke getting himself off a few moments later, cumming across Rin’s stomach before trying to pull himself off. Rin whimpered when Sousuke pulled out, overstimulated and shaking. Sousuke’s legs were quivering as he moved over on the bed and flopped down, exhausted. Rin turned to him, brushing away his sweaty bangs and kissing him in a way he hoped to convey his love.  
  
“Wasn’t scary,” Sousuke teased, eyes slipping closed as Rin got up to cuddle and kiss the love of his life.  
  
“You cried,” Rin reminded him, scratching his back as Sousuke moved to lie on his stomach. He wiped at his own eyes, ignoring that he too was crying.  
  
“I can’t even begin to explain to you why,” Sousuke mumbled into his pillow. “You should go take your shower.”

“I'm okay,” Rin insisted, continuing his gentle ministrations. He tried to discreetly wipe his hands off on the sheets a few times, but knew Sousuke had noticed. “I want to be here with you.”

“You can be here with me once you feel better,” Sousuke said, turning his head to look at him, a smile on his face. “Go shower, I'll change the sheets and get washed and then we can cuddle.”

“But that's making you do so much,” Rin said.

“No more than usual.”

“But usually we don't,” Rin sputtered, face red, shaking a hand at him, “do this! I want you to feel good too. It's okay if I'm a little uncomfortable.”

“That is not okay,” Sousuke said, though his normal irritation wasn't present. He smiled at Rin and let his eyes close. “If you really want to do something for me, go shower so you feel better.”

“I can do more than that.”

Sousuke opened one eye and sighed. “If you want to do more than that then let me lay here awhile before I change the sheets and get showered. Is that okay?”

“Sure, I can do that,” Rin said, nodding his head. “However long you need.” A complicated mix of happiness he could cause Sousuke some comfort and the disappointment of not being able to do more filled his heart. He sat up, not being able to take the feeling of his skin crawling any longer.

“Take your time in the shower,” Sousuke said, “I could lay here forever.”

“You'll get sick if you do that,” Rin chuckled. He leaned down to kiss Sousuke’s cheek. “I’ll be back soon.”

Without saying another word on it two of Sousuke’s fingers curled around the hand he was using to hold himself up. “Rin, I love you.”  
  
Rin’s heart fluttered, the love laced in his name alone was enough to start waterfalls to form on already damp cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [nsfw blog](http://www.meloncitrust.tumblr.com/)   
>  [main blog](http://www.melonmachinery.tumblr.com/)


	35. Chapter 35

Rin had imagined waking up and seeing Sousuke the first time after sex a million times, all a slight variation of love and ground-breaking realizations. Some even entertained the fantasy that all his fears would simply dissipate after it happened.  
  
What happened was a lot less fairytale like, but it was still enough to have Rin in the clouds. Rin woke up before Sousuke, as he always did, but instead of hopping out of bed for his morning run he stayed to observe the gentle rise of his chest. To watch the way the morning light fell on Sousuke’s side, the soft cotton of his t-shirt wrinkled and his arms pillowed under his head.  
  
He was entranced by the soft breaths escaping Sousuke’s parted lips, the dark lashes that fluttered against his cheeks whenever Rin moved. The thick dark eyebrows that remained relaxed on his forehead as he slept. The love he felt in his heart was alive, growing, expanding, and it stole his breath away. He wondered what he would say once he woke. How he’d feel after all that happened between them. How this boy, who had been by his side since they were just naïve children playing make believe in his backyard, was sleeping there so soundly beside him. The glint of Sousuke’s ring peeking out from under the pillow a reminder to how much the other was committed to him.  
  
Committed to making him happy, and safe, whether it be in the water or during the most private moments of life, Sousuke was always trying his best for Rin. It made his eyes water, thinking of how much he was loved and how lonely it must have been during those years without him. Thinking about how even after he came back he had given Sousuke so much grief due to his own problems. Allowing a small moment of self-loathing and pity, Rin shook it off and settled down in bed, hand going up to brush back Sousuke’s bangs.  
  
His chest rose higher, a deep breath as his eyes fluttered open for a second, glancing at Rin through sleep-laden eyes before closing them again and smiling. “Morning.”  
  
“Morning,” Rin echoed, pulling the blanket up his shoulders a little more, smiling as he let himself relax.  
  
“You done with your run already?” Sousuke asked, mumbling through most of his words as he dug his face back into his pillow.  
  
“Never left.”  
  
Sousuke stopped his burrowing for a moment, eyes opening and turning to face Rin. The down turn of his eyebrows and the small purse of his lips telling Rin all he needed to know, he was worried something was wrong. Rin chuckled, hiding himself a little more with the covers. Sousuke relaxed then, scooting down and close to Rin so they were both hidden by the heavy comforter, both laughing before giving each other a kiss. Sousuke hummed, laughing through his nose before pulling back and rubbing at his eyes.  
  
“Been awhile since I’ve smelt that morning breath.”  
  
“Now you know my pain,” Rin said, cuddling into Sousuke’s side. “How do you feel?”  
  
“Tired.”  
  
“I mean besides that,” Rin said, rolling his eyes. He let his arm wrap around Sousuke, pulling him close. “Does it hurt?”  
  
“M’fine,” he yawned, letting himself hug onto Rin and tuck him into his chest. “Let’s sleep a little more.”  
  
“I should really get up for that run though.”  
  
“Just a little longer,” Sousuke whined, nuzzling his face into Rin’s hair. Rin settled in, moving himself into a more comfortable position and sighing against Sousuke’s chest.  
  
“Just a little,” he hummed, letting his eyes close.  
  
Sousuke’s gentle breathing and heart beat were all it took to put Rin back to sleep.  
  
When he woke up again it was to the painful ache of ignoring his bladder for too long. He jumped out of bed without much thought, driven by instinct as he rubbed at his eyes and made his way to the bathroom. The sound of clanking dishes in the kitchen was the second thing he became aware of. Following the noise he found Sousuke heating up some left overs.  
  
“Running late?”  
  
“Slept longer than I thought,” Sousuke laughed. “I won’t be long this time, my second class was canceled. Do you want me to pick up something for dinner?”  
  
“We can worry about that when you get back,” Rin said, feeling like he was in a movie. Like he was looking in, not really a part of the scene, just watching. Just as that train of thought got darker, Sousuke smiled at him so bright Rin’s heart felt like it was going to pop.

Sousuke sat down with his food, wolfing it down while he stared at a paper. “Homework?”  
  
“A project that’s coming up. We need to submit an outline of what we plan to do soon,” Sousuke said, humming. “But enough of that. What’s on your mind?”  
  
“Huh?” Rin looked back at him, sitting down. “What do you mean?”  
  
“You seem like you’ve got something you want to say,” Sousuke said with a shrug, smiling at him. “It’s not often you laze around in bed with me.”  
  
Rin bristled, face flushing before rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, I just. I don’t know, do you feel any different?”  
  
“After yesterday?” Sousuke asked, looking a little more thoughtful as he came up with his answer. “It’s not like the world has changed or something dramatic I just feel,” he hummed, trying to find the words. He put his hand across the table and Rin grabbed it, lacing their fingers. Sousuke looked down and smiled. “I feel happy, like I’m in a dream or something. It’s hard to explain, I just feel like even when I think I couldn’t love you anymore than I already do, you find a way to make me love you more.”  
  
Rin bit his lip, grinning at nothing as he let those words run through him. He chuckled, light and breathless. “You really are a romantic.”  
  
“Only because you like it,” Sousuke replied, teeth showing as he laughed. He rubbed his shoulder and looked up at the clock. “I have to go but I’ll be back before you know it. Do me a favor and try not to think to hard on everything until I get back?”  
  
“What do you mean by that?” Rin grumbled, retracting his hand and crossing his arms. Sousuke laughed, leaning over the table and placing a kiss square on his lips.  
  
“Just that you like to think yourself into a hole. We can talk more about it when I get back, I just don’t want you thinking anything crazy while I’m gone,” Sousuke said, smile dropping for a second before he looked into Rin’s eyes. “I know I’m not the best with words but,” he continued, taking Rin’s hand again and placing it against his chest. Rin felt his heart beating there and looked back at Sousuke, who was smiling again. “I just want you to remember that I love you, Rin.”  
  
“I love you too, Sousuke,” Rin whispered, eyes wide and equally surprised by the moment as he was by the kiss he received before Sousuke stood up.  
  
“I know you’re confused. Honestly, I’m feeling a little anxious myself leaving you right now,” Sousuke admitted, staring at him. “Do you want me to stay?”

“No, no, you should go. You shouldn't skip a class for no reason,” Rin said. Sousuke looked like he had something to say but he just sighed.

“Try not to jump to any crazy conclusions while I'm out.”   
  
“I don't,” Rin started, voice catching in his throat when he Sousuke’s eyes on him. Rin followed him on autopilot as he got his things together. When they reached the threshold Rin kissed Sousuke, holding his face in his hands for a second, eyes fluttering closed before letting him go. Smiles left on them both before he was gone.  
  
Instead of going out for his run as soon as he left, Rin grabbed a modest breakfast and curled up on the couch, a hand clutching at his heart. Repeating Sousuke’s words of love like a mantra, praying to any god that would listen to return Sousuke back home to him soon. To settle the anxieties growing in his chest.  
  
Getting up and heading to the bedroom, Rin wrapped himself up in their blankets and closed his tired eyes.  
  
He heard a noise, looking to see Sousuke standing there, a melancholy to his smile as he sighed and got on the bed, pulling the cocoon Rin had made into his arms and kissing his forehead. “You’re not supposed to be back yet,” Rin said, sniffling as he dug his head into his chest.  
  
“Being here is more important,” he said, squeezing him tight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [nsfw blog](http://www.meloncitrust.tumblr.com/)   
>  [main blog](http://www.melonmachinery.tumblr.com/)


	36. Chapter 36

Rin stared at the luggage he had packed. In the blink of an eye he had to go back to Australia. Just like that, after all that had happened to them during his stay, he had to leave now, with still so many questions and longings. Sousuke kissed his cheek, hugging him against his chest and sighing against his head.  
  
“One more day,” Sousuke reminded him. “Don’t waste today thinking about tomorrow’s flight.”  
  
“When will I get to see you again?” Rin asked, knowing neither of them knew the answer.  
  
“Not soon enough, but sooner than you think,” Sousuke answered, pulling him towards the living room. “I have something for you.”  
  
“A goodbye present?” Rin sulked, knowing he was being ridiculous, but feeling a resistance to go back more than he had ever felt before. Things were getting so good for them, they were on the same page, the anxieties from their first time where already mere memories and yet just like always Rin had to go and ruin it by leaving. They were finally getting comfortable, into a pace that was perfect and purely them, and he was going to be on a flight to Australia tomorrow.  
  
“You really need to stop that,” Sousuke said, poking his forehead before holding out a key. Rin stopped, looking at it perplexed.  
  
“You need your spare key,” he reminded him, looking back up, eyes widening as Sousuke pressed a smile into his lips.  
  
“This isn’t the spare, this one is just for you. For whenever you’re in Tokyo,” Sousuke said, leaning their foreheads together. “You never have to ask beforehand, or let me know you’re coming. I know it’s a bit presumptuous of me, I know you have Gou and your mom too but, if you want to consider this a kind of home to return to,” he continued, voice trailing off.  
  
“I’ve considered wherever you are home for a while now,” Rin said, smiling when he saw the shock cross Sousuke’s face before his fingers were threading themselves through his hair and pulling him in for a soft kiss.  
  
“I’m going to miss this,” he sighed, pulling back and holding Rin against him. “It was hard enough after graduation.”  
  
“I’m going to practice by myself now too—you can’t just keep getting ahead of me,” Rin said, looking at him. “I should take away those toys. It’s not fair that you were doing that without me.”  
  
“You can have them, probably won’t be enough now anyways,” Sousuke joked, laughing hard enough to shake Rin from his comfortable position once he saw how embarrassed he was.  
  
“How can you just say shit like that,” Rin hissed, hitting him with one of the cushions. They both broke down in laughter, Rin unable to help himself listening to such a wonderful sound.  
  
“But really,” Sousuke said, calming down with harsh breaths. “I had smaller ones to start out with but got rid of those. You really need to take it slow, you know? If you weren’t so paranoid I’d suggest stepping up our long-distance calls to video chats.”  
  
“Sousuke!” Rin yelled, hitting him again. “Isn’t it embarrassing enough just doing that during a call?”  
  
“I’m kidding,” Sousuke laughed, grabbing hold of the cushion and wrestling it out of his hands. “This thing is dangerous, you need to control your strength.”  
  
“Yeah right,” Rin said, plopping back into his side and grabbing his hand, staring at the silver ring. They sat in a comfortable silence, Rin mulling over their time together. “I shouldn’t have been so lame while I was here.”  
  
“What do you mean by that?” Sousuke asked, a gruffness to his voice as he frowned. Rin shrugged, playing with Sousuke’s fingers. He twisted the ring a couple times before sliding his fingers between Sousuke’s.  
  
“Just that we had so much time and I wasted it. I mean our first time was fine so—I don’t know I just feel like we could have, done it more?” Rin mumbled, ears beat red.  
  
“You need to relax about all that,” Sousuke huffed. “Always worrying yourself into a hole. I don’t know if you know this but you’re not the only one who was a virgin, and certainly not the only one who was nervous.”  
  
“Lies, you seemed okay with it,” Rin accused, turning to him and poking his chest. “And we could have done more—like the other day when you wanted to but I,” Rin sighed, turning back and pulling his legs up to distract himself. “I’m just saying I could have done more to make you feel better.”  
  
“Rin, whatever experience you think I got from messing around myself was in no way preparation for how it really was. I can’t even explain it to you,” Sousuke said, frustration in his voice.  
  
“Then show me,” Rin challenged, turning around and sitting on his knees. “It’s our last night together. Show me. We’ve been practicing—I can handle it.”  
  
“No,” Sousuke said, flat and final. Rin shrunk under the rejection but Sousuke just pulled him back. “You’ve only just started, and we have all the time in the world Rin. Believe me, having your first time like that and getting on a plane to another country is not going to go over well. Even a few minutes apart and we both were a mess.”  
  
“I’m sorry about that,” Rin mumbled. Sousuke sighed again and ran a hand through his hair.  
  
“Rin, you weren’t the only one feeling, strange, after all that. And I have always been okay with going at your pace, a lot of the times your pace is what I need too. All that stuff you're worried about, what you've been dealing with, haven't I made it clear that it's okay? That it's great if things change because I know how bad you want it to, but even if it doesn't that it's fine? That I'm just happy being with you?”  
  
“I know,” Rin said, face growing hot. “And I know you were nervous too. I don’t want to make it seem like your feelings don’t matter. I just, I don’t know. I wish we had more time.”  
  
“And we do, just not right now.”  
  
Rin glanced at him and leaned into the petting, the soft scratching and massaging of his scalp calming him down. “We have time,” he said, testing those words.  
  
“All the time in the world,” Sousuke agreed. “You don’t have to rush things, I know you’re annoyed because I’m always saying that but it’s the truth. I’ll always be here.”  
  
“You will,” Rin repeated, not a question, but a statement. “We’ll always be together.”  
  
“Even when we’re continents apart,” Sousuke said, laughing when Rin dug his head into his neck. “Now instead of wasting the rest of the night sulking about tomorrow, don’t you want to do something fun? We could go out and eat, or rent a movie.”  
  
Rin said nothing, toying with Sousuke’s shirt before sitting back and staring down at his own hands. “You’re really okay with this?”

“With what?”

“With me, the way I am,” Rin said, wringing his hands until they were an angry red. “What if one day I tell you I never want to have sex again?”

“Then we won't have sex,” Sousuke said, sure of his answer as he wrapped an arm around Rin, pulling him closer. “I've said that from the beginning.”

“Yeah but just now you were talking about how those toys won't be enough and,” Rin said, stopping when Sousuke held a hand out for him. Rin looked at him as he took it, looking for answers in his eyes.

“Rin, I was joking. And even if I wasn't, none of that would be more important than your happiness. Feeling comfortable with me, feeling comfortable in this relationship,” Sousuke said, tucking some loose strands of Rin’s hair behind his ear.

“I do feel comfortable with you,” he argued, holding the hand in his a little firmer. “I just, I don't want you to be forcing yourself for me. Like what if more times like the other day happen? What if you want to do something and I, I just can't do it?”

“You don't need to worry about all that, being beside you is like breathing, Rin. And you don't need to worry about not having sex with me when I feel like it, what would you do if I was the one who didn't feel like it? Would you resent me for that?”

“Of course not,” Rin said, frowning at the very thought. “I’d just take care of it myself, or forget about it.”

“Right?” Sousuke said, chuckling when Rin started to sulk. He sighed a tired, but fond sigh, and Rin wondered what he was thinking.

“Sousuke?”

“You know, I've probably been in love with you my whole life.”

Rin’s cheeks flushed and he looked away, his lips twitching into a smile. “You sound ridiculous, like a sappy romance movie.”

“You love those movies,” Sousuke countered, leaning against him, resting his head against his. Rin leaned into the comfort he felt.

“Yeah, I do.” Rin looked at the clock on the wall and felt his heart clench. “Let's watch something, Sousuke.”

“Okay,” Sousuke said, sitting up and grabbing the TV remote. Rin got up, walking back to the bedroom. “Rin?”  
  
“I’ll be right there!” Rin opened his suitcase, pulling out some of his favorite shirts and pants and walking over to Sousuke’s dresser, putting them inside.  
  
Grabbing some of his accessories he put them in the bowl Rin had been using during his stay, just a simple glass one to hold his rings and bracelets. Smiling a second, looking at his stuff sitting there casually, like it belonged there, he zipped the suitcase back up and propped it against the door with his duffle bag.  
  
“What are you doing?” Sousuke asked, standing just outside the doorway. “Did you change your mind?”  
  
“No,” Rin said, turning around and wiping at moist eyes. “I just needed to do something first. What should we watch tonight?”  
  
“Winners choice?” Sousuke offered, holding out a fist. Smiling, Rin lifted his own.  
  
“My choice, huh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [nsfw blog](http://www.meloncitrust.tumblr.com/)   
>  [main blog](http://www.melonmachinery.tumblr.com/)


	37. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, now that it's over I don't even know what to say. I hope you guys enjoyed it, this story means a lot to me, and I'm still not sure I'm entirely satisfied with it, but I'm never satisfied with my writing lol. Thank you everyone who stuck with me to the end!

Rin scrubbed himself clean, reveling in the delight that was body wash, and grinning when he heard Sousuke enter the bathroom. The door shutting closed and his favorite person stepping inside the spray, hissing that it was too cold. Rin shuffled away from him, waiting until he was thoroughly soaped up before giving him a kiss.  
  
“You don’t have to always do that,” Sousuke said, smiling.  
  
“You don't always have to change the sheets for me, but you do. Besides, I don't mind,” Rin said, returning that smile with a soft one of his own.  
  
He didn’t mind, though he still wasn’t fond of touching anyone or anything until everyone was clean. Some things never changed, but showering with Sousuke after a night rolling around in the sheets was always worth the extra effort. It was no effort at all, with their new bathroom. It was expensive, sure, but it was worth the money and Rin could not have been more pleasantly surprised in being able to have them both in there comfortably.  
  
“The contractor is coming again tomorrow to work on the kitchen,” Sousuke said, yawning. “Will you be here for that, or do I actually have to wake up tomorrow?”  
  
“You should wake up anyways,” Rin scoffed, stepping out of the shower and drying off. “But I took the day off so it’s fine. I can’t wait for all this to be over.”  
  
“You’re the one who wanted the house to be ‘perfect,’” Sousuke hummed, rinsing off and turning off the shower. “How you feeling tonight? Full pajamas?”  
  
“I’m okay,” Rin said, shrugging as he dried off. “Shirts and underwear is fine. Just make sure you remember to put some pants on before you walk downstairs, I don’t need to remind you what happened last time.”  
  
“Look, why is it my fault you always have to have strangers in our house.”  
  
“You’re such a baby,” Rin laughed, walking out of the bathroom and into their room. “It’ll soon be over.”  
  
“Until you decide we need to add an addition, or redo the living room, or get an inground pool,” Sousuke said, flopping onto the bed, stuffing his arms under his head. “How are you feeling though, really?”  
  
“A little uncomfortable,” Rin admitted, squirming just a bit, but smiling none the less as he put on his underwear and sweatpants. Throwing on one of Sousuke’s shirts he threw another on the lump lying on the bed, along with a pair of underwear. “It was good though, I had fun. It’s been awhile since we did it like that,” Rin mused, shifting again as he walked over to turn off the overhead light. Turning on the bedside lamp as he crawled into the bed, the movement causing his hips to feel uncomfortable, a little odd and a little sensitive.  
  
“I was surprised you suggested it,” Sousuke said, rolling onto his side and giving him a once over before getting dressed. “But I’m glad you felt good.”  
  
“I always feel good when I’m with you,” Rin said, settling against Sousuke’s chest, letting his head rest against his arm. “You know Mom and Gou called again, yelling at me because we ‘should have planned to have a ceremony’ for our tenth. Ten years and they’re still going on about it. I don't think they'll ever get over us just getting the papers done.”  
  
“We are guilty for not telling them we were going to do it,” Sousuke reminded him.

“If we did we’d have to wait another two years just for them to get everything ‘right for the big day.’ We waited long enough.”

“I still think it’d be less of a hassle if you just let them plan a wedding. Easier than trying to fight them anyways. They've only become more persistent over the years,” Sousuke said, grabbing Rin’s hand and pulling it up to face to give the ring on his finger a kiss. “Besides, I wouldn't mind marrying you a second time.”  
  
“It’s a lot of money and work,” Rin sighed, though he let his lips quirk at the idea. “I’ll think about it.”  
  
“You do that,” he yawned. “In the meantime,” Sousuke said, rolling onto his side and pulling Rin in close. Running a gentle hand through his hair, and giving him a kiss on the forehead. “It’s time for someone to get their beauty sleep.”  
  
“I’m not that tired,” Rin mused, rubbing circles into Sousuke’s back.  
  
“I was talking about me.”  
  
Rin kneed him, laughing as the other complained about the abuse. “Alright, go to bed sleeping beauty. I love you.”  
  
“I love you too, even if you’re a pretty shitty prince.”  
  
“Am not.”  
  
“Are too.”  
  
“At least I remembered tomorrow’s our anniversary,” Rin said, holding Sousuke tight when he tried to pull back.  
  
“What!? Is it really—fuck! How did I forget that?” Sousuke grumbled, giving up struggling against Rin’s grip. “And we’re going to spend it dealing with strangers coming to work on our kitchen?”  
  
“I had more plans than that, but that will have to get done tomorrow,” Rin said, eyes fluttering closed. “Tomorrow I’m going to show you how much I love you. How grateful I am you chose me, and you stayed by my side despite the way I am.”  
  
“There’s no despite anything, and you show me your love every day,” Sousuke whispered, kissing him. “Will you ever stop being so sappy about our anniversary?”  
  
“How can I when it’s the day I get celebrate all you've given me. Time, patience, love. You taught me how to love myself, to accept the way I am and to stop fighting it. You taught me how to love others, how to love you. You helped me chase and achieve my dreams, everything that's important in my life is tied to you. And tomorrow I get to celebrate that,” Rin said, looking at him, surprised when Sousuke turned in his grasp. Staring at his back, Rin’s smile fell. He heard a soft noise and sat up. “Are you crying?”  
  
Sousuke said nothing, hiding his eyes with his arm, though there was a tremble in his chin.  
  
“I didn’t want to make you cry,” Rin said, leaning down to kiss him. “Don’t cry.”  
  
“I’m not crying,” he insisted, though his voice was unsteady. Rin rubbed at his arm, pretending he believed him, he decided to change the subject.

“Guess I should have saved that for tomorrow, huh? One-upped myself right before the big day,” Rin said. “Now how am I supposed to embarrass you in front of all of our friends.”

“Please tell me that's a joke,” Sousuke said looking back at him, eyes a little red, but dryer.

“A decade is a big achievement,” Rin said, smiling. “I mean, as far as Gou and Mom are concerned. They just want to make a big fuss. Guess they invited everyone they could think of, even the Mikoshibas and Ai.”

“Both of the Mikoshibas?”

“Both,” Rin said, laughing at the exasperation in his voice. “They even reserved a party room in this big fancy restaurant.”

“We’re going to get kicked out, I hope you know,” Sousuke said, smirking as he turned onto his back. “I take it back, don't ever let Gou and your mom plan a wedding. I can already feel the headache coming on.”

“Stop being so dramatic,” Rin laughed, settling back down. Curling up into his side.

“It's an early dinner, which means no one is going to be drinking and we can get home at a reasonable hour,” Rin continued. “And then we can have a private celebration, just the two of us.”

“Please tell me that means we get to sleep,” Sousuke said, laughing when Rin jabbed a finger into his side. “Kidding, kidding. Actually I have some plans for tomorrow too so I'm glad we’re getting home early.”

“Plans? I thought you forgot,” Rin said, turning to look at him. Sharing a kiss and settling further into bed, Sousuke hummed.

“It's not something that has a time restriction.”

“Well that's mysterious,” Rin yawned. Sousuke yawning in kind. “Guess I've got something to look forward to tomorrow.”

“And another day with me isn't?”

“Who’d want to spend another day with you,” he teased. “Get some rest sleeping beauty, you don't want those bags under your eyes to be too dark.”

“You love me and my bags, admit it.”

“I guess so,” Rin hummed, lifting a hand to touch said bags. “Because I can't imagine a single day without you.”

“Sap,” Sousuke said, voice wavering again.

“Goodnight Sousuke,” Rin chuckled, reaching back to turn off the light before wiggling his way into a comfortable spot and closing his eyes.

“Goodnight, Rin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the miracle   
> That I've been dreaming of~   
> MmmMMmmmM  
> So this is love~~
> 
> [nsfw blog](http://www.meloncitrust.tumblr.com/)   
>  [main blog](http://www.melonmachinery.tumblr.com/)


End file.
